When looking for a boyfriend, there are certain traits and characteristics you want him to have. A relationship with a friend can be just as complex as the relationship with your guy.  Not every one of your friends will be  perfectly compatible with you. If you would rather have 'Aunt Flow' pay you your monthly visit than your BFF, it's time to consider how well suited the two of you really are. If you constantly feel frustrated with her and have disputes over the same problems, it might be time to let her go. But how do you know when that time has arrived?

1) Does she always place herself first?
Does she flirt with the guy you have been crushing on for two years, even after you told her how much you liked him?  Is it always her way or the highway? When you're planning your birthday get together, does she constantly whine about how much she wants to have dinner on a cruise ship even though she knows you easily get seasick?

2) Is she using you?
Think of all the times you've gone out for lunch together. Are you the one paying the bill? When you invited her to an office party, did she ditch you for your hot co-worker by the bar? Does she always borrow your clothing and forget to give it back on time, and still hasn't given it back after a year?  Does she let you finish your sentences?

3) Are you not important to her?
When she got back from a two-month vacation in Paris, you thought you would be the first one she called, but you never received a call from her for two weeks straight. Whenever you tell her about an interesting event or an accomplishment in your life, is she unsupportive and never acknowledges what you are saying?

4) Is she trustworthy and reliable?
When you make plans, does she show up on time or wait until you're on your second glass of Chardonnay?  Do you constantly feel like you have to call her to make sure she doesn't stand you up?  When you confide your most personal secrets to her, do you end up overhearing gossip about yourself only she knew?


If you answered "Yes" more than "No", your so called BFF may not really be a good friend after all. On the other hand, if your friend only falls into one or two categories of the questions there may still be hope in the friendship department. It is also important to consider how you would stack up against those questions.  A true friendship goes both ways.  If a candid heart to heart about your concerns doesn't affect her inconsiderate behaviour or you find you spend more time complaining after a visit with her than smiling, you're better off to cut her loose.

When your decision to dump your friend is final, always be calm and plan out what you want to say ahead of time.  If you show anger or speak offensively, it can create unnecessary tension or an argument that may escalate to involving friends in your circle. Your friends may choose to take sides in the argument, or you or the friend may end up feeling singled out of the group. Planning out what to say in advance helps you focus on the important topics and avoid saying something you might regret. Writing out what you would like to say first is a good tactic when planning.

Breaking up with a friend takes plenty of courage and can be a difficult and emotional process for both. By constantly allowing a relationship to impact your daily life in a negative way, the pressure may result in a more complicated situation than before. Breaking off an unhealthy relationship will lift the weight off your shoulders, and allow you to move forward with your life without the negative sidekick weighing you down.  Losing a friend can hurt just like ending a romantic relationship,  but if that means you'll spend less time swearing and more time smiling, it's probably for the best.

By Jacqueline To