Ex-Boyfriends, FaceBook, & Why I Won't Go There
The past seven days have officially been Ex-Boyfriend Week.
Ex-Boyfriend Week is a magical time when former loves suddenly reappear in your e-mail inbox, text messages or Facebook feed, trying to see if the space they had formerly occupied in your life has been filled.
It’s as if every time I kiss a boy on the mouth, I equip him with a radar that alerts him when I’ve begun to see somebody new (more on that later, maybe).
Usually, these are benign check-ins. This week featured a text message telling me that a trip to Pittsburgh had reminded him of me (REALLY?!), an e-mail asking how I’ve been, and a Facebook post with a funny link.
Now, I am open to love in all of its forms: friendship, puppies, little babies, lifelong lovers and newlyweds. I’m also a firm believer in boundaries, but unfortunately the Internet doesn’t care about that and delivered me a friend request from the boy whose breakup preceded my exit from New York City.
Nearly a year and a half have gone by since we parted ways and probably 8 months since we last spoke. In that time I’ve loved again and again, I’ve broken hearts and almost broke my arm once (which is unrelated but completely badass). I’ve created the life I wanted to have and filled it with people and experiences that make me wake up thankful every day.
The friend request didn’t come with an apology or even hello. It signified that he was simply requesting access to a peephole into my life, no interaction required. That’s hardly friendship, even with an Internet definition.
As much as I believe in an abundance of love, I believe that I have a finite amount of emotional real estate, and there simply just isn’t any more space available for a passive observer.
Friend request rejected.
How do you deal with exes after a breakup?
by Nora McInerny
Facebook Comments
18 Comments
 | I'm quite surprised to see that this article could be interpreted as anything other than fun and funny girl talk! |
 | RT, that is a fascinating article and I'm going to post it in the forums for further discussion. Thanks for sharing! |
 | I'm just saying its a waste of time trying. |
| I have more people on my Facebook that I don't know than that I do. There are certain things I would absolutely want to hide. Ex: any personal details such as birthdate, full legal name, etc that could be used for identity fraud or too much info about my family or friends. I've seen friends post pictures of themselves holding their babies in front of their house with house # visible and their complete birthdate on their profile as well as a helpful email and phone # and I'm the first to email them to suggest they take it down. When it comes to online stuff you should always be really careful. |
 | RT, I'm going to have to disagree there. I have a limited profile because I don't want just anyone to see details about my personal life that are only there to share with close family and friends I can't see in person. It's not about hiding something - it's about being selective with how you share information. Ultimately, anything you post in a public space can be used for negative purposes, so maintaining control over who has access to certain information is just a smart precaution in my opinion, not self obsession. |
| Ali, |
| RT, thanks for your comment, but please help us understand which part of this is self-obsessed? |
| Its kind of pathetic how seriously you take facebook, and said friend request. |
 | My most recent ex and I didn't speak for months after I left him. And then out of nowhere he called...twice. I missed the calls but decided to check if everything was ok anyways, just in case something really awful happened. We had the most awkward conversation and he tried to get as much out of me as he could about my new guy. When he realized that wasn't going to happen, the conversation just ended. |
| Hahah loved your comment cd! |
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