on Apr 15, 2016 @ 10:19 am|
I had to share this... Epic review!!
Dear Pepsi Cola Bottling Company of Canada,
I recently went outside my box and decided to try one of your new Ginger Pepsi 500ml bottle beverages, as you may or may not know, I am a die hard #pepsi drinker, my favorite being the Cherry Pepsi which you no longer make in Canada so I must have it smuggled into this country to enjoy.
I brought the new golden labelled bottle home and placed it in my fridge, excited as a virgin on her wedding night...after all nothing beats an ice cold bottle of pop, and then waited....giddy and eager for my first taste.
Then it was time! Angels sang from the heavens, little naked cupids flew around me scattering rose petals as I twisted the cap off. I heard the satisfying "shurrrrsh" noise of an ice cold carbonated beverage being cracked and it was the greatest song in the world to my ears! I love ginger...ginger ale...amazing...my favorite cookie? Ginger snaps, but the way Quilly makes them with big pieces of candied ginger on top...oh yes, I was really looking forward to this!! I could already smell it as the vapor rolled out of the top of the bottle, light and airy...caramel and something a little spicy...oh I could barely contain myself and quickly brought the bottle to my waiting mouth.
I started with a tiny sip...my tongue tingled...I savored for just a moment....and then I was assaulted...what I could only describe as perfectly chilled, lightly carbonated juice from pickled goats asses slid over my tongue. Oh it was lovely and cold and bubbly and somewhat like cola...but with an under laying taste of old vomit mixed with the essence of foot odor and just a hint of what I imagine to be the sulfer-esque taste of the tears from a 1000 demons.
I gagged...literally gagged. A bit went up my nose...then I sneezed..then i coughed a bit, and snorted. Tears came to my eyes and my face crinkled up like a prune. At that point and im pretty sure my tongue was already feeling the betrayal....But my mother taught me to never quit.... so I thought to myself, "Maybe that was a fluke? I did brush my teeth this morning, maybe its a lingering toothpaste thing??" Oh so good at disillusioning myself .... I went back for more....I brought the bottle back to my lips and gave it a go for round two.
Oh yes Pepsi....Yes...at that point I realized, you had managed to bottle evil. Pure unadulterated evil....after taking a much larger drink and having every muscle in my body seize in revolt, gagging loudly again, sneezing again...and then choking as it slid down my spasming esophagus, but not so fast that there wasn't time to stop along the way and bend my taste buds over to show them who their daddy is with its concentrated vileness (im not sure they will ever recover)...and while still chilled to perfection it also still tasted even more like the back end of a crying demon, foot odor infested pickled goats' ass.
I did not try it a third time.
Oh Pepsi....For the love of all that is delicious in the universe that is soooo not this drink...did your people not taste this before it hit the shelves? Was someone sick that day? or on some kind of drugs that incapacitate your taste buds? Was there no consumer study done? and if so who did it? "Pepsi Canada invites anyone born without taste buds for new product testing" or possibly "Like the taste evil? Or pickles? How about goat ass? We need your opinion!"
In short, I am not a happy consumer. Two drinks and it went down the drain. I'm not sure who thought this one up but whomever it was should be drawn and quartered by slow moving sloths, then lit on fire and finally peed upon......or just make them drink a bottle of this crap...though I truly believe the former might be kinder.
ps: Bring back Cherry Pepsi!
|LOL on Apr 15, 2016 @ 10:19 am|
I read this yesterday and was in tears!
|lol on Apr 15, 2016 @ 10:20 am|
Was sooo good!
|. on Apr 15, 2016 @ 10:24 am|
I hope you send this to Pepsi Bottling Company.It is very well written. I am a Pepsi fan as well and haven't tried and now I won't.....
|So disappointed! on Apr 15, 2016 @ 10:57 am|
I bought it and oh my, not what I expected... I only made it through half a can before tossing it! No thank you! I felt almost like I was drinking a pepsi with sushi in my mouth :s
|. on Apr 16, 2016 @ 12:00 pm|
Thank you for the most entertaining review I have seen in a long time.
As a sister Pepsi addict, I totally understand your pre-trial enthusiasm. Sounded like a bad mix from the beginning though...
If nothing else, you have prevents me from trying this new nectar of the gods. And highlighted the power of reviews!
|Thank you! on Apr 16, 2016 @ 05:07 pm|
Thanks for sharing my review from Facebook!
It was shared on Pepsi's Facebook page, and I even tagged them in the accompanied picture on my page, at least three times that I know of and they deleted it quickly.
I've been told of course that if you enjoy the taste of "real" ginger you'll like it...I love "real" ginger...as well as processed and I was definitely a no with the Pepsi mix LOL.
|Bahahaha on Apr 16, 2016 @ 05:15 pm|
|Hahahaha on Apr 16, 2016 @ 05:28 pm|
That's a good one :)
Have any of you ladies tasted Brio, I feel the same about that!
|Pepsi ginger on Apr 16, 2016 @ 06:44 pm|
Love the review. Laughed so hard.
|Epic on Apr 16, 2016 @ 06:46 pm|
this is pure poetry...and ginger Pepsi is all kinds of wrong...I smell another Crystal Pepsi sh*t storm on our hands...lolol