`Paraprosdokian sentences


takoda
on Aug 05, 2011 @ 10:11 am

* I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

* I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

* Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

* If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

* Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

* Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

* I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

* A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

* Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

* I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

* Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

* Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

* The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

* A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

* Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were..

* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

* I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

* Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

* There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

* I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure..

* I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

* You're never too old to learn something stupid.

* To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

* Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

* Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

* A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

* If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 


9 Replies


jskim07
HILARIOUS on Aug 05, 2011 @ 10:20 am

My favourite is:
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak..

I accidentally spat out my cracker :(
" A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station" - I plan on using this.

Thanks for these! Definitely made my day better :)
Reply

takoda
It was just another email.. on Aug 05, 2011 @ 10:24 am


I got from a crazy friend. He sends me so much stuff it's crazy, but I thought you guy's might get a kick out of this one. I really like the two you picked too.
Reply

TammyK
Hahahah on Aug 05, 2011 @ 10:27 am

I really enjoyed reading this :) My favorites are:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak..

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Actually, I like all of them. Thanks for sharing!
Reply

takoda
But of coarse on Aug 05, 2011 @ 10:30 am

I'm always happy to share with my buddy's. I'm happy it brighten up your day, even if it was just a little.
Reply

TashaZ
I love it on Aug 05, 2011 @ 10:32 am


Takoda these are hilarious. One question though. How do you pronounce paraprosdokian? lol
Reply

erinlee
awesome lol on Aug 05, 2011 @ 10:43 am

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Yeah I deffinitly am loving these. My goal now is to find a way to work them into casual conversation :-P
Reply

mamaluv
hilarious! on Aug 05, 2011 @ 11:02 am

oh, I can't pick a favourite - they are all golden :)
Reply

AlexJC
I love these! on Aug 05, 2011 @ 11:07 am

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I love this one- so true, wise, wise words!
Reply

takoda
Tasha on Aug 05, 2011 @ 01:38 pm


I have no idea how it's pronounced, that's the way it was sent to me, but I'm happy everyone is enjoying it how ever it's pronounced.LOL
Reply

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