on Aug 24, 2012 @ 10:30 am|
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have talked about getting engaged, and I've always maintained the opinion that I want it to be a big surprise, and that I want him to pick the ring etc.
That was until I was browsing rings with my mom for fun, and found a few beautiful ones that are exactly my style. So I dropped a hint, letting him know which store had a great selection of rings my style.. then his response was that wasn't that store expensive..
I'm not saying I want him to drop $20k on a ring.. but I also don't want something out of a vending machine..
What is an appropriate way to bring up this discussion without sounding demanding? I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I want to be honest?
|demaning on Aug 24, 2012 @ 11:15 am|
unfortunately here I think there's nothing you can do. Just accept whatever he happens to give you as an engagement ring, be it a twist tie, a gumball ring or a diamond. The ring isn't what's important, the symbolism is, and if the ring is that important to you, then you're in it for the wrong reasons. It's one thing to give him ideas of what type of stones you like, band, metals and the cut of stones, if he can give you one you love great, if not you will love it more then you know by the time you are married.
|buy it together on Aug 24, 2012 @ 03:47 pm|
When he actually proposes to you, why don't both of you go and buy the ring together?
Some girls don't put much on the ring, but some girls do. A ring is a ring, it's also a token of his love symbolizing your union. Don't make a "sweet" and totally "emotional" decision of letting him pick the ring if the look of the ring is important to you. You can be sweet and emotional about other decisions, if the ring is important then make sure he knows that its important to you and that you want to pick it with him. If you don't care much about the look of the ring and for you its the thought that counts, then hey, be as sweet as you want and let him pick what he wants. :)
Ultimately you want something you'll wear proudly and be happy wearing. If you're happy wearing something he picked because he picked it, then let him pick it. If you have a 'style' and you want to wear a particular type of ring, go pick it with him.
Btw. Being sweet is totally overrated. It's better to be honest and appear demanding, than be sweet and regret it for the rest of your life. 'Cuz trust me, you marry the guy, he's gonna figure out that you'll have your demanding and not so demanding moments. This one instance of not appearing demanding won't change his view of you in the grand scheme of things.... If this is important to you, be realistic, reasonable but let him know what you want. I'm sure he'll be happy too that he gets to give you something you'll actually wear.
|keep expectations realistic on Aug 24, 2012 @ 04:20 pm|
I think that sometimes the rings we dream of may be unrealistic, even unattainable. When I became engaged, my fiance and I were both poor as dirt and even though we both had jobs, we barely had enough to cover rent/daily living AND we were both saving for school. If he had dropped $1,000s on a ring I would have been angry with him.
I know of a friend who told her fiance what the minimum carat size had to be, what metal the band had to be, that it had to have a matching wedding ring and anniversary ring, etc etc etc (I think it had to be from Tiffany too). Poor guy was going to be in it for $10,000-$15,000 and he just didn't have the cash - not even close. It is also true that some jewelers are more expensive without justification. If you found a picture of the style you liked, he might be able to get a designer to make one for a better price or have the option to hunt around and price compare.
I do agree with Becky that it's more important to be honest about your expectations up front. I can't imagine how humiliating it would be for a guy if his lady was disappointed in her ring.
So having said that, I would suggest you give him some specific ideas but allow him to shop around a little bit. A ring is really important to most of us... but in the end, it's just a lovely bit of bling. It does not define or fulfill your relationship. My engagement ring was stolen about 12 years ago and I still don't have a replacement (haven't been able to afford/have had other things to pay off). I was devastated, but would have been even more so if the ring had been more expensive than it was. After my initial freakout, I realized that the only important thing was that my marriage was rock solid.
|Seriously? on Sep 04, 2012 @ 09:19 am|
Honestly, you should just be happy that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.