i am in tears


Anonymous
on May 17, 2008 @ 09:20 am

i dated a guy for 2years about 3 years ago and since our break up he has been obssessd with slandering my name...from making sex tapes until the most recent (which i heard 5minutes ago) ...i was pregnant with his baby and i had a n abortion. this is sick and im sorry u gals hav 2 hear this but i am in tears at the moment.i am currently dating a guy for almost 2years and i am so in love with him,we planning to get married in the near future.i dont knw what to do and i dont wana tell my boyfriend bcoz it's going to leave some doubt in his mind,even my friend thought i was hiding something from her.i can't stand my ex and don't know why he is doing this...his bro claims "he wants people to know we were 2getha"...he was very possessive too
wat do i do:(
 


10 Replies


Ali de Bold
wow on May 17, 2008 @ 09:33 am

So sorry to hear you are going through this. As much as this is probably not what you want to do, you need to sit your current boyfriend down and tell him the truth. If he loves you and is the right guy for you he will get over it. The worst thing you can do is say nothing and he hears about it from someone else and then you deny it. Better he knows so you two can be strong together than him hearing these negative things from someone else.

As to the ex, wow what a jerk! Don't speak to him or have any contact with him whatsoever. Invest your energy in your current relationship and being totally open and honest with him. Please let us know how it goes!
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mamaluv
I agree with MC on May 17, 2008 @ 03:24 pm

You do need to talk to your current bf. He will feel betrayed if it comes from anyone other than you. It's also a trial by fire: his reaction (and not just the initial one, let him adjust to the situation before you judge his reaction) will tell you if he loves you enough to be ok with whatever your ex will throw at you.

If he can't accept it, then I'm sorry to say that you probably shouldn't invest more in that relationship. If you guys go the distance and decide to get married, there are a lot of challenges like finances, relocating, and family planning that can mess with a couple. If you can both survive this current crisis, it will speak very well for troubles that will eventually come (and they DO come to us all).

I know it is embarrassing and scary to talk to him about these things, whether they be true or false. But this is a conversation you have to have. It's not optional. Sorry if this comes across too harshly, but I'm trying to be real with you. Tell him soon and tell him everything. No secret stays buried forever, and that's one soap opera take-home message that is 100% true.

I truly hope this all works out for you! Otherwise, relocate and change your name ;)

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hunter_jc
Don't be in tears sis. on May 17, 2008 @ 06:31 pm

If it affect you anyway, you are just feeding that jerk. The worse you feel, or fear, the more excited he is. If you tell your bf and be fine wiht everything or even ask to see how your ex are, then there is nothing that he can get excited about and thus stop bothering you soon. Trust me sis.
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samuraiya
sue his a$$ on May 17, 2008 @ 08:32 pm

Sue him for defamation!
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miaka
ahh, i can sort of relate.. on May 18, 2008 @ 11:58 pm

But I came out of it all very recently and I'll share a bit of my personal experience. Well, I'm single right now, but I've always fallen for the worst guys in the past. Possessive streak, some kind of issue, really cute, and me wanting to really be there for them and help them and give everything to the relationship.

It takes a lot of strength but it has to be done.. just communicating how you feel and where you stand, and also making sure you gauge the other person (your current bf)'s reactions in way that is not just fair to him but also fair to you. And by that I mean, don't let him lead you thinking that you're the one who's guilty and should be ashamed of your past, cuz oh please... if he starts doing that, you have to cut it. You deserve no less than a man who adores you and respects you fully and is ready to be your companion through thick and thin. :)

My recent breakthrough was just.. telling off.. this total jackass. I was in a horrible relationship last year, and we were broken up. And somehow earlier this year he asked for a second chance over months and I gave him a half-arsed second chance. Couple months later, I was like, fuck this. And I told him, very briefly and clearly, that this is not what I wanted at all. I did not love him, did not want to see him. The end. He whined a bit, retorted a bit, but seriously, I hardened my heart cuz this fucker had been just so horrible to me for the past year. And I'm telling you, I have never felt stronger. Even though I used to "love him" in the past. He pushed it all away. *shrug*

Anyway I hope you reach that moment of power with yourself and with the people in your life. :)
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reeshie19
im not posting anonymously anymore on May 19, 2008 @ 11:33 am

so i decided to come out of my 'anonymous identity' hehe...i told my boyfriend today and to my surprise he ws understanding but also very upset as to why he would say that.by the way samuraiya...i am planning to sue for defamation of character and if he persists by reacting physically,i will get a restraining order against him. i havnt told my mother yet,it's her birthday tomorrow and this kinda thing will be enough to make her sick.so from that point of view....do i tell her everything or just briefly mention that he is slandering my name?

i just wna say thank you 2those who said i should tell,my boyfriend is so happy i came out and told him instead of him finding out from someone else.u girls (and guy:)) are amazing... i feel i slight relief but i am still very uncomfortable with having such a stigma attached to my name.it has to stop.

x x x
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miaka
Aww.. on May 20, 2008 @ 02:59 pm

You're welcome, and keep us posted.. took you a lot of guts to talk to him and to not post anonymous here :)

If you're close enough to your mom to talk to her about stuff like that.. sure, tell her... but yea, from my experience, the more brief and general you are with parents, the better.
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mamaluv
muscle through it on May 20, 2008 @ 10:25 pm

Reeshie, it was so brave of you to tell your boyfriend. I think you'll find with time that people will forget this gossip and the stigma will fade to nothing. It'll be tough for the next while as you sort all this sh*t out, but you've proven yourself strong enough to handle a very difficult and stressful situation. I don't doubt you'll live this down too. Be strong!

As for your mom, I agree with miaka. Don't get into too much detail, but at the same time a similar logic applies as with your boyfriend. Is there a chance the full rumor could get back to her? I'd simply say something like "he's spreading lies about me, specifics about our previous relationship. I don't really want to get into the details because it's embarrassing for me, but I want you to know that he's just being a selfish @ss and it's not true/he's exaggerating big time." It also depends on how close you are with your mom. If you are really tight, you should feel secure giving her a general idea of what is being said, but if it's a more distant relationship there's nothing wrong with staying vague. But definitely wait until a better time than her b-day.
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samuraiya
good for you! on May 22, 2008 @ 02:38 pm

So good to hear that your current boyfriend is so supportive. And great job for dealing with it instead of running away. Like what the others have said, that's really brave of you. Lastly, good luck with the law suit. That should teach him that talking sh#t about others do come with consequences and wouldn't it be lovely to see him sh#t his pants when he receives the legal documents in the mail!
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Ali de Bold
LOL! on May 22, 2008 @ 10:55 pm

samuraiya, you kill me!
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