mother in law


spotty
on Jan 14, 2009 @ 09:11 pm

My husband's mom is a wonderful lady. She's incredibly sweet and good-natured. But, she's a bit over bearing and clingy. When we lived in CA
it worked out well b/c we could distance ourselves, literally. Now that
we live 3 hours away, what I feared has begun to manifest.


She calls me more often than my own mother does. She has no agenda or
specific questions. She just calls to "chat." Seriously, what possibly
could have changed in the 4 days since you last called!?! She never was
able to develop a good relationship w/ her other daughter-in-law so
this seems like she's making up for lost time on me. I should be glad
she likes me so much. But I want a mother-in-law, not a new best friend.


This seems like a piddly problem. I don't want to burn bridges. I just
need her to back off a bit. Do I just grin and bear it? How do I kindly
ask her to cool it?
 


5 Replies


Ali de Bold
screen your calls on Jan 14, 2009 @ 11:50 pm

I'm serious. If you don't want to talk, don't pick up the call. The worst thing would be if you ask her to call less. She will be so hurt and it will only come back to haunt you. If your husband is around when she calls, let him pick it up and talk to her and then make sure you do your part to maintain the relationship at a more comfortable level. She is probably just missing you guys since you moved and this is how she is coping.

We have a policy where I deal with my family and Alex deals with his. If there is a problem or we have to say no to something for some reason, it is better if it comes from him to his family and if it comes from me to my family. The reason being you are each the most comfortable with your own family and you both know your family the best. So often we women try to handle everything but I have seen that backfire in many cases. No matter what your best intentions are, to your inlaws, you will be the bad guy.

If the situation continues and it really bothers you, ask your husband what he thinks and if he can offer any solutions and find a way to get Mom to ease off a little.

All in all like you said, it's a good problem to have considering the alternative ;)
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Bubblybunny
ask your husband to handle it on Jan 14, 2009 @ 11:57 pm

Agree w/ everything MC said. We definitely screen calls. We also deal of our own families. :P

I know how you feel. My in-laws live about 12 hours away and they only visit 1-2x a year. But whenever they visit, I find them overwhelming. When I just can't take it anymore, to a point where I want to run and hide, I talk to my husband and I ask him to tell his parents to backoff. Just because they only sees us a few times a year, it doesn't mean they should store up all their TLC and release every ounce of love they have all at once in just a few short days. It's suffocating. I have to admit, while my hubby agrees with me, he doesn't always handle the situation. However, after telling him how I feel, I don't feel obligated to entertain them anymore. If I need to hide, I go hide. If I get upset, I get upset at Hubby for not handling the situation rather than with my in-laws. I find it's easier to get upset at your own husband than in-laws because your husband will understand and forgive you. :P
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spotty
filter on Jan 15, 2009 @ 07:53 am

Yup, trust me, I already filter the calls. My husband often filters her calls, too!! LOL She in general is just a lot more lovey dovey and touchy feely than I am so I find it over-bearing and suffocating, be it in person or over the phone.
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Anonymous
My friend had the same problem! on Jan 16, 2009 @ 10:41 pm

My friend had the same issue. So, she decided to screen her calls but when that failed because her mother-in-law started to think they were ignoring her.My friend and her husband started to get annoyed. Finally her husband had a longggg conversation with his mother and told her to give them some space. Of coarse, she got offensive and now she has a bit of a grudge for my friend because she knows it was her idea for her son to speak to his mother about the calling/space issue. But, don't worry! She has fully recovered and given her some space as well. It all worked out and I am sure it will work for you too.
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michaelsm0m
dont be threatened by her on Jan 27, 2009 @ 01:42 pm

=) my mother in law calls an average of 3-6 times a week. I dont mind it shes awesome. I could happily live next door to my mother in law and see her daily.

She dosent have to be your new best friend it sound like she just dosent want to be forgotten. Maybe if she realizes that wont happen she'll be secure enough to call maybe once a week. Once every 4 days dosent sound like an aweful lot. At least shes trying to have a good relationship with you, picture yourself on the other side of the fence motherinlawstories.com. Read and I think you'll have a newfound appreciation.

A daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life but a son is a son until he takes a wife.
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