something new

on Feb 27, 2008 @ 01:14 pm

i took up a gender subject this year and thought i was going to dread it!but it actually turned out to be something i really enjoy...we discuss how sex (being biological make up) and gender are related and if they are at all. recently we were talking about people who were born as intersexed beings. a question that was asked is what would you do if your child was born intersexed. what would you guys do?

7 Replies

hard to say... on Feb 27, 2008 @ 04:21 pm

I have two positions here:
1. on a morality basis, we have fairly conservative ideals that we are teaching our children. These morals are things we have seriously considered, not just a product of some dogmatic upbringing.
2. I will always love my children, and I want to accept them as they are.

Added to these things, it seems the medical community is still not agreed about the causes for those who believe themselves to be one gender trapped in another body, and so we can't know - is this truly a biological phenomenon, or is it a psychological issue that is born of some childhood trauma, a disease, or another factor?

I think that if this ever was an issue in my family it would be difficult to deal with. I sincerely believe, though, that our family ties would pull us through it. It's one thing to love a person, but not their deeds; on the other hand, how can you know that it's not a rebellion but in fact a truthful state? Really tough.

I sign this anonymously, not because I am ashamed of my view but because this is such a controversial topic and may create quite a debate.

Ali de Bold
tough question on Feb 27, 2008 @ 04:48 pm

I think until you are in that situation you never know exactly how you'd react.

Everyone wants a perfect healthy child who will fit in and be loved by all. Even if you're the best parent in the world you know that the world is not kind and could treat your child horribly because of this so I think it would be hard no matter what.

However I believe all children are created by God and deserve to be loved by their parents unconditionally.


wikipedia on Feb 28, 2008 @ 12:27 pm

I honestly had no idea what intersexed even means!! I had to briefly look it up in wikipedia. Shows my naivete, I guess.

I agree w/ MC. You'll never really know how you'll treat the situation until you're actually presented w/ it. You can hypothesize and assume till you're green in the face, but I guarantee you'll never execute exactly the way you want or imagine.

I would like to think/hope my kids will be healthy and well-adjusted. But if I have a child who is intersexed, I won't pretend to know the answers or know what is right. I think I'd seek counseling for the child and the parents. Not counseling in a sense to change the kid, but in a sense to deal w/ who they are and work toward making healthy decisions and choices through their life.

it is a toughie on Feb 28, 2008 @ 12:34 pm

i said the same...i would never know unless i am in the situation.i've come to realise as well how society can't seem to 'accept' rare case scenario's like this. although on the other hand i do have hope, because most societies have accepted homosexuals and that took time...maybe because they made their voices heard.i think that's what needs to be done too when it comes to be honest this is an issue that's really bothering me, because i didn't even know what intersexuality was b4 i stared this course (snap spotty:) ) so why keep this kind of thing under wraps?

old school on Feb 28, 2008 @ 11:42 pm

The way it used to be years ago, if your child was born intersexed or hermaphrodite or pseudohemaphrodite, you kept quiet about it and doctors assigned a sex to the child and attempted to surgically correct it and the person was raised that way. I'm not sure if that is still the norm nowadays. Years ago I saw a documentary on this and for a spell there were several talkshows that focused on this issue. Once these intersexed people grew up, in most cases it was difficult for them to accept the sex they were assigned. Ofcourse most didn't know they were born intersexed but most knew they weren't "normal". Some felt that they were the opposite sex of the one they were assigned, probably a similar struggle transgendered people feel. One person still stands out in my mind today and that was one who felt they were neither male nor female. They were just who they were. The talkshow host kept trying to figure out which sex this person most related to and kept asking things like, do you like boys or girls. One last question they asked was something like "Is there someone special you share your life with, someone you love?" They replied "yes". Host asks "who". They replied "my dog". I think that really said a statement about their gender identity or lack of one.
It's really tough to say until you are in that position but I think if this happened to me, knowing what I know about the anguish that these gender assignments caused these people once they grew up, I would choose to wait until my child reached the age of puberty to see what would happen and how they would feel. I think most intersexed people do tend to gravitate to "being" either sex at some point (althought not always the case as with the above example). At that point I would let the child or teen make the decision, if, when, they wanted to have any corrective procedure done. Easier said than done. Society only recognizes 2 sexes - male and female. What would I indicate on health forms? school enrollment? what would I call them? He ? She? What about friends? Public/school washrooms? and the list goes on
One thing I know for sure - it wouldn't be easy.

yeesh on Mar 02, 2008 @ 11:26 pm

I'm embarrassed. I confused "intersex" with "transsexual". After reading some of the comments I went to wiki and realized my mistake!

Anyway, I think that parents should be open with their kids about the condition, but realistically? Would I be able to discuss this with my children? It really is a case where you can't know until it happens to you.

Love all children! on Mar 09, 2008 @ 09:42 pm

All parents should love their children no matter what, unfortunately that is not always the case.

I know in the past that intersexed babies were automatically made into girls through a simple surgery. What often happened with the child is that they grew up confused about their own gender, and then learned about they were intersexed later on.

Fortunately they don't do that anymore! Either way it is a difficult topic because many people aren't aware of what it is. I would think that if a person was intersexed they would be reluctant to share it with others.

I think the best thing to do is to love your child, because they are all beautiful no matter what. Sometimes parents say they will do that, but then when their kid turns out to become someone different, things can change. I think children who are especially different (i.e. disability - any kind, intersexed, special education) need more love and attention because they may have a harder time fitting in with their peers... and opening up to them about themselves.

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