under the weather

on Mar 26, 2009 @ 05:25 pm

when i was younger, about 10 until about 17, i went through a really tough time in my life as my parents were practically going through divorce for that amount of time.whenever i think back i remember my mother crying (all the time), i rememeber waking up coz they would be screaming and often neighbours heard. after a while, we all went to a therapist (me individually) but he was such a hoax. since my traumatic experience (I KNO PPL GO THROUGH WORSE...but this was continuous for seven years) i have NO relationship with my mother.i feel she was so selfish for screaming an acting up in front of me as a little girl. she had and still does have temper problems...like once when i was in fourth grade, i didnt know the answer to something and she pulled my hair.i feel like i dont accept her as a mother and we dont click at all,we never speak and we live together.

i didnt know how a normal family functioned.its been almost 6 years later and i still get flashbacks. i still cant engage in any conversation with my mother. even after any little disagreement i will burst out crying. it happened once and she told me 'it was a tough time for all of us and we all got over it". i feel like i cant escape my past...and no i dont trust therapy.i feel like i dont want to be around my mother anymore,its a bad thing to say. just for the record,i cant talk to her.i have tried and she ends up leaving the house for the day

please help me...i am stuck with weight on my chest for the past 5 years and its eating me...i dont want to not have a relationship with her,but i also dont know how coz she is very very short fused.she is 'always right' and has had many fall outs with friends because of her pettiness

2 Replies

... on Mar 26, 2009 @ 08:28 pm

wow your situation sounds so sad....and I really don't have much to write except that maybe for now you should TEMP. distance yourself from mother while you try to work on yourself. In addition, since you don't feel that therapy could work for you maybe you could also go to a bookstore and buy some self-help/advice books on relationships. This is really the best I have to offer for you right now...good luck.

From my experience... on Mar 27, 2009 @ 11:59 am

I know that it is a hard thing to deal with. My parents fought every day. I have so many unhappy memories of childhood. They would yell and scream and curse at each other while we were home but then act so "normal" when we were in public. It was a very difficult thing to deal with since everyone outside our home thought my parents had a great relationship. There really wasn't anyone I could talk with. Please don't discredit all therapists, you unfortunatly had one that could not help you with the situation. Now that you are older, you may be able to communicate your feelings better and it would be beneficial for you to speak with someone whether it be a professional or just a friend. Sometimes just speaking about it helps.
You obviously seem like you've made a true effort to have some type of a bond with you mother. Society seems to focus on these strong parental bonds and when we don't have it, we feel like something is wrong with us. Sometimes these bonds just aren't realistic. I feel that the best thing for you is to further distance yourself from your mom and gradually work toward communicating via phone or short visits. Surroud your self with friends and really enjoy those relationships and maybe you won't feel such a void. I've also found that volunteering your time to a local retirement home, shelter or other similar place can be helpful. You will have the chance to interact with others which will keep your mind off of things and allow you to gain perspective on how other people deal with things.
Lastly, your mother seems pretty harsh, but there must be something good if you are willing to put so much effort into the relationship. Try writing her a letter to express your emotions and ask that she respond with a letter of her own. This will show you how much she cares and if you should continue in your efforts. Some personalities just don't mesh.
(Sorry I wrote so much, but I guess this helped me get some things off my chest. I wish you the best.)

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