on Aug 15, 2013 @ 09:51 am|
I wanted to share my story with you in hopes that if anyone else has gone through this, that they know they are not alone and I am here for you!
A few weeks ago, my best friend suffered a miscarriage and I was at a loss for words. Mainly because that very same week I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant, I didn't have the heart to tell her such happy news when she was so heartbroken.
A week later, I lost my baby as well.
I suffered what is called an Ectopic pregnancy. For those of you who are not familiar with it, as I myself didn't know much about it as well, it is when the fertilized egg implants itself outside of the uterus. In my case, it implanted in my left fallopian tube.
At week 6 I had visited my doctor to confirm my 4 pregnancy tests (yes 4, because I truly didn't believe it) and she confirmed it and scheduled me for a dating ultrasound for week 8. Unfortunately, I never made it to that appointment.
At week 7, I started bleeding and cramping. I called my doctor to book an appointment to see her, but she didn't have any appointment until Monday afternoon (and this was a Friday afternoon). She mentioned that some women experience mild bleeding and cramping but that if it gets worse, to call her again. Over the weekend, the bleeding had lightened but the cramping was still there. Sunday night is when I really started feeling sick. I started reading up on the internet about the symptoms, to which my fiance told me not to self diagnose myself and just go see the doctor in the morning.
That Monday morning at work, I couldn't get out of a meeting I really needed to be at and thought I would run out at lunch to see her. When I left the meeting and got to the office to grab my car keys, I felt the sharpest stabbing pain in my stomach. I sat down and couldn't get up. I called one of my colleagues over and she took me to the washroom. There was a lot more blood, and this time, very bright and red. She drove me to the emergency room and I sat there for 3 hours waiting to be seen. The triage nurse thought I was miscarrying, and even then, they let me just sit there for 3 hours.
My fiance was working far and only got there just as they were going to take me in for an ultrasound. He held my hand as they attempted to find the sac in my uterus on the ultrasound but couldn't see anything. The technician did a transvaginal ultrasound and still could not find the baby in my uterus. What he did find was a pool of blood in my abdomen. He told me to wait as he went to call a doctor and I knew right then something was very wrong. The doctor came back in and they continued with the ultrasound. And still, without telling me anything at this point, the doctor picked up the phone and called the emergency room and told them to prep an OR as I needed emergency surgery.
I burst into tears as they wheeled me back to the OR and parked me in front of the nursing station. The nurse there told me to get up and put my clothes on, until the porter told her to read the file. Her expression changed and I heard her call up to the OR to see if they were preparing for an emergency ectopic rupture. She then rolled me into one of the private emergency room rooms.
My fiance had heard the same thing and asked me what it was. Through my tears I told him that it's when the baby is implanted in the fallopian tube, and it has ruptured open. This causes internal haemorrhaging and can be fatal.
The OR doctor came in to see me and asked me if I'd been told. I told her I heard the nurse and she apologized for my finding out that way. She explained that the baby was in fact stuck in my tube and that they would have to remove the tube, the ovary, and the baby. I was bleeding out quickly and it had to be done asap.
They wheeled me up to the OR an hour later and I said goodbye to my fiance. For the few minutes I lay on that stretcher waiting to be rolled in, all I could think of was how happy I was just last week, and how it was all being taken away from me in an instant.
It's now been over 6 weeks since my surgery and I still break down and cry. My best friend is a solace as she can understand the grieving of losing a pregnancy. But no one will know how horrible it feels to lose a part of you too. The guilt I felt in the past weeks about choosing me over the baby and for taking away the happiness my fiance felt for the baby has truly been heartbreaking and wrenching.
I don't know what my future holds when I try to conceive again, but I can only pray that one day I will be blessed with a beautiful healthy baby, and that I will meet my little angel one day in heaven.
I wouldn't have been able to write this without reading Ali's story the other day, and I pull my strength from her when I say that it is absolutely not something that you should bottle up inside and to certainly not ignore your body and the signals it sends you. If you are not feeling right, talk to someone and get the help you deserve.
Thankfully I've had a wonderful support system and my physical wounds have healed. My heart will take a lot longer though. If anyone out there has gone through this, know you're not alone and if you ever need to talk, I am here.
Thank you for giving me a place to let it all out.
|Your baby was too good for this world, god needed it right away on Aug 16, 2013 @ 08:49 am|
I am so sorry you had to go through this. It sounds like a terrifying experience. I also had a miscarrage, I was 15 weeks along. I am glad to hear that you have a good support system, that is very important. And though you will never forget what has happened, it will get easier in time, I promis.. I know. Thank you for sharing your story, and may you find peace.
|I am so sorry on Aug 19, 2013 @ 02:54 pm|
Your story brought tears to my eyes, I am SO sorry this happened to you. The first time I was pregnant I was told it was an ectopic pregnancy, it was luckily (though bittersweet) found at my first ultrasound and removed immediately. The doctors explained about the high chances of rupturing as well, for the longest time I was devastated. I really am so sorry to hear this happened to you, and will pray for you and your family. In the name of the Lord, you will have a baby and he/she will be beautiful and healthy just keep praying.
Ali de Bold
|My heart goes out to you on Aug 19, 2013 @ 09:44 pm|
I just saw this and my heart breaks for you and your fiance. I'm completely choked up. I can't even imagine how awful this has been for you. People don't realize unless it happens to them how tragic it is to be pregnant, imagining your life with that child and then have it ripped away from you in an instant. To almost die on top of it is unimaginable.
Please don't feel any guilt about surviving this. There was nothing that could be done to save your baby and no kid wants to grow up without a Mother.
Thank you for coming on here and sharing your story. I guarantee someone is reading this who is going through the same thing and it is comforting to know you are not alone.
You and your little angel are in my prayers. xoxo
|Thank you on Aug 27, 2013 @ 09:04 am|
Thank you ladies for all your support and encouraging words. I know that my scars will heal much faster than my heart, but God willing, may my fiance and I be blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby.
Thanks again, it's nice to know that there are other people out there who can truly understand.
|Hugs and prayers on Aug 27, 2013 @ 10:37 am|
Aww, I'm so sorry.
I too lost a baby a few months ago. It seemed to be a normal pregnancy. I just went in one night because I was spotting a bit. And they took a bunch of tests and told me that they didn't have good news. You just don't think that it's going to happen to you.
|HEARTFELT on Sep 15, 2013 @ 08:38 pm|
I am so sorry for your lost. I had the same experience when I was 21 and I was able to have a bbay at 26 with no problems. Sometimes it just God's will. I am sure you will be able to have the child you are waiting for.
I know it will be hard but I am sure you will be able to get through this difficult time with the help of your finance