First month hospitalized, bonding with baby?


glumbumble
on Feb 10, 2015 @ 05:40 am

I had an emergency c section that went horribly wrong and I ended up getting the flesh eating disease from it. Well I was able to be with my baby for about 1.5 weeks and was just starting to actually think of him with more fondness when I had to be hospitalized again. He was born on the 4th of January and has been with grandparents the entire time I've been in hospital. At first I missed him, but now after a couple of visits at the hospital I look at him and feel nothing and think along the lines as I would if it were someone else's baby (I was never too big into babies the way most women are). So now that I'm finally out of the hospital, still very much on the mend. I can't hold him for long as the wound on my stomach is still open and I'm hooked up to a vac. So my stomach is very tender. My question is, is it too late to bond properly? His grandfather said the last couple of days he's just started to open his eyes more and be awake for longer stretches, just looking around. My husband's mom said he's already smiling and I've seen photos of it. Whether it's gas still, I don't know when the first real milestone is. I just hope it's not too late for me.
 

20 Replies


Griechux
. on Feb 10, 2015 @ 09:51 am

Wow! Thats a crazy story, im sorry to hear that you had to experience this. I cant even imagine how hard it is on you, you are one strong mamma!!
Im not an expert, but Im 100% sure its not too late! Bond you and baby have no one can replace and it is absolutely normal to feel that way after giving birth. I suggest you to look into that, there are so many support groups for mommies from other moms thats been through this.
I remember i didnt feel very close to my baby at firsf, dont get me wrong, I loved that little creature but there were so many other thoughts going through my head.. It change very quickly :) But I remember feeling bad for not having that "right away" bond, I looked at my husband and it was completely opposite for him. I felt like a weirdo :) But as i said it changed and we have the strongest bond!!!
And as for milestones Im also sure, baby is not knowingly smilling just yet.
So stay strong mamma! Youve done a remarkable job and dont rush your emotions, they will come!!
Let me know if I can help you somehow!
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Cat22
There's hope on Feb 10, 2015 @ 10:32 am

I am so sorry to hear that @glumbumble, I really hope you get better soon. This must be the toughest thing for you, and I could not even imagine what you're going through. Something positive that comes from all of this though is that it shows how strong you are. Trust me, you're very strong for having to go through this.

I can't speak from my own experience on this matter, but my mother revealed to me that she didn't have that initial connection with my brother when he was born, but that changed VERY quickly she said. We can all see it as 26 years later, you can clearly see he's still the apple of her eye. Don't let this bit make you fearful at all. It's never too late to bond with your baby because one thing that's for sure is that he will forever be your son. Stay hopeful! The moment will come.
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Ali de Bold
It's not too late on Feb 10, 2015 @ 10:39 pm

I think you are having trouble bonding because of the traumatic experience you had. I'm so sorry to hear about it. How awful! But some women struggle with bonding even with a normal delivery experience. You will get passed it!

I'm sure you've already done some research and seen this article but if not, Baby Center has one on this topic:

http://www.babycenter.com/baby-bonding

Good luck and keep us posted!
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chrissyann123
Bonding with your Baby on Feb 10, 2015 @ 11:18 pm

You have been through such a horrific ordeal and by the sounds of it you are still in a lot of pain. I am positive once you are feeling yourself again your connection with your baby will come. You are truly blessed to have a baby I only wish I am 54 and it is to late for me . I had a tubular pregnancy and lost half of every thing and never was pregnant again. I am so glad that you and your baby made it through all this. Stay strong.
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rogersresaca
hospitalized on Feb 11, 2015 @ 12:17 am

Im so sorry to hear that. Your reaction is completely normal, believe me. My son just went through the same thing. It,s not to late to bond with your son. As soon as you can, you need to get him home. Start holding him and put his little body close to your heart. Believe it or not, babies can smell their Mother. You are his Mom and when you least expect it, it will hit you, that you bonded with him. Nothing in the world can compars to that feeling. When you least expect it, is when you will experience it. Goodluck.
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mamaluv
skin to skin on Feb 11, 2015 @ 09:51 am

Everyone else has already said what I would tell you, which is that it's not too late.

The next opportunity you have, try some skin to skin contact. For example, undress your son to his diaper and yourself to your bra and just hold him against your chest. Skin to skin contact is very frequently recommended as an important bonding element that's stronger than simply holding him while bundled up.

I bonded immediately with my children after birth, but I had a friend who did not. When I visited with her about a week after birth I asked cheerily "aren't you just so in love with your daughter?" to which she said "not really, I feel like I barely know her."

This made me sad to hear, but when I saw her about a month later, she immediately said "now I know what you mean! I just needed time to get my head out of the post-delivery fog." She's a single mom and they are the best of friends (her daughter is now a teenager).

So there's hope! Just be patient with yourself. You may even be suffering from some mild post-partum depression, possibly brought on by this horrible birth complication. Talk to your ob-gyn if you're concerned. There is no shame in asking for help.

On that note, I know I speak for us all when I say we are sending our best wishes and prayers your way. *hugs*
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rogersresaca
bonding with baby on Feb 11, 2015 @ 10:05 pm

Hi there. I was just checking to see how you are today? I thought about your situation all night. Remember, YOUR son knows his Mother by your smell and touch. You both need each other, the bonding will come. In the meantime, hold him or lay him beside you and snuggle. He will know his Mommy's scent and smell him, at how angelic he smells. Snuggling with him is so important. The longer the grandparents have him, the more reluctant they will be to give him back. I read in 1 of your post about her being a witch to you, get your son, lay with him, change his diaper, feed him. More importantly, cuddle, cuddle with your boy!! Goodluck and I,m praying for you. I am here if yu need to talk. Ginger
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Griechux
. on Feb 12, 2015 @ 11:42 am

Im also wondering how are you doing. When you have a little moment let us know how are you feeling.
We're here for you.
Stay strong
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glumbumble
hopefully I just need time on Feb 12, 2015 @ 06:09 pm

We got him back from the grandparents on Tuesday, the day after I got out of the hospital. So he's been with us since then. My mom is here right now helping out because I can't hold him much so I can't be of much help to my husband who also has to look after our two dogs and take them outside occasionally.

The hospital sent me home with just tylenol for day-to-day and some really strong narcotics for when my dressings have to be changed every three days. So I had to go to my family doctor yesterday for medication because tylenol was most definitely not helping with the pain. After he gave me Percocet (which he said is the exact middle ground between the Tylenol 3 I tried from my husband's stash of pills that did absolutely nothing for me, and the strong narcotics I use for my dressings that I most definitely didn't want to use on a day-to-day basis) I've started to feel a little better mood wise since the pain has gone down significantly. Two days ago I did scare my husband with talk of suicide, but I was in a pretty bad place with being extremely tired (I have to sleep propped on a whole bunch of pillows and the first night the suction was set way too high on my vac and was causing me excruciating pain) and in pain. I feel better now with just bouts of moodiness that I probably will need to talk to a therapist about.

With the help of the medication I've been able to pick him up a few times and change his diaper and I've fed him a couple of times as well. Today I held him more with the help of a pillow and he was kind of propped up on my side. He fell asleep in my arms, which was kind of nice. I think in time I will love him and bond with him. It'll just take more time and hopefully once I've healed up a bit more it'll come faster as I'll be able to hold him better and be able to pick him up when he cries. I'm going to be on a vac for probably another month and hopefully after that the wounds on my stomach will be almost closed and ready to scar over.

Thank you everyone for the concern, I really appreciate everyone's comments, suggestions and well wishes.
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rogersresaca
Bonding with baby on Feb 12, 2015 @ 08:20 pm

Oh glumbumble, I'm so happy to hear that he's home with you and you're home too. It might be best if you do talk to a therapist, just to vent and get out all your feelings. Our husbands just don't understand and take things the wrong way. Way to go, for holding him and feeding him. I think once you heal up, you are going to be a natural!! They make a product called a nursing pillow, but you use it for sorts of things. You can prop the baby up on it, to lay beside you or use it yourself. They are so helpful, I sleep with 1. I have to sleep on at least 5 pillows. It's kind of noodle shaped. I have a promo code for a free one, you only pay shipping. You can pick the design you want. If you want the code, I will give it to you. They usually cost $40. It's a good deal and you are welcome to the code if you want. I can't believe the hospital only gave you tylenol!! After what you are going through, they sound crazy. You need to be on something strong-I can't imagine the pain you are going through!! I truly hope you have a speedy recovery. Bless you, your husband and your son. Many blessings to you all!!!!
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