thinking of having a 2nd baby


glumbumble
on Jan 20, 2016 @ 12:23 am

My son is currently 12.5 months old. I'm thinking of trying to have another baby, but I'm on the fence with worry about how it may affect his sleep pattern or general demeanor. He is an awesome baby. He slept a full 10 hours or so through the night since he was 4 months and he's generally always happy unless there's a valid reason. But I'm worried that having a newborn will potentially really screw him up somehow and he won't be the same sweet boy. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. Anyone else have their stories to tell about bringing home their second baby?

I worry about healing time afterward as well since I'm not in good shape now (I got flesh eating disease from the emergency c-section, was hospitalized for a month from it and then on bed rest for 4 months after that, so I'm very weak and I have sciatica that flared up at 6 months pregnant and hasn't gone away). I know my son will be running around by then so I'm just not sure if I'll be able to keep up. But a the same time I'd like to have them close together in age, and to hopefully get all the crappy baby parts out of the way all together (the diapers, having to feed them and guess what the heck is wrong with them). I imagine I would just learn to manage and do it eventually. Hopefully by then my husband doesn't have as much back pain and will be able to help out more.

Right now my husband is on the fence about it because of our finances and the fact that sometimes he gets very very frustrated at the baby when he's fussing. And he feels like he can't help out as much as he would like. But he loves him like crazy and I can't imagine a second child being any different.

I think based on the fact that our baby is such an awesome baby he may have spoiled us and I'm kind of worried we'll end up with a colic baby or just one that's horrible in temperament. I guess I'm kind of afraid of rocking the boat and pushing our luck, so to speak. I think, especially with everything that happened with the delivery and afterward, that if our baby had turned out to be a horrible sleeper and just generally fussy and cranky the majority of the time, I honestly don't think I'd even be entertaining the idea of having a second.
 

20 Replies


Tracyr
2nd child on Jan 20, 2016 @ 07:03 am

Obviously when deciding to have a second child there are alot of things to think about ,you want your kids to be close in age ,finances is huge ,can you afford two children,are you going to have the ability to give your time to two children,is your life going to drastically change with two kids ,this is what I felt when I decided to have another baby,good luck
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glumbumble
honesty on Jan 20, 2016 @ 08:07 am

I guess my question is if anyone has gone on to have a second kid and regretted it? Feel free to remain anonymous with your answers.
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KrissiC
. on Jan 20, 2016 @ 10:20 am

There is a gap of 5 years between our kids. Not the gap I had initially wanted. My husband went back to university full time when our first was 1. So financially we could not afford a second until after university was done and he had a full time job lined up. Finances play a huge role in that decision. The thing about that huge gap, was that time and experience gave me more patience with number 2. I knew she'd be our last, so I really appreciated the time with her(even the crying) and was calmer with everything. So was my husband. I don't think you'd ever regret bringing another child into your life. Yes, it's trying at first with 2, but Ultimately everyone adjusts. If you decide to have just 1, that's fine too! I know many perfectly happy and well adjusted only children.
I have found that the age gap between my kids isnt as bad as I'd thought. The older one is very helpful and they truly love each other and do play together lots.
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prettyrainbow
baby on Jan 20, 2016 @ 12:13 pm

Finances definitely play a big part, but sometimes, children are conceived without being planned, and you just have to make the best of it. However, if you do have the opportunity to plan it out, then you and your husband need to put your heads together and project this. What do you both need to do to make this become a reality? Do you need an extra source of income? Do you need to improve upon your health? What are the steps you need to take and what timeline do you want to have it realised by? The age gap is isn't as important as providing the best life for the child. It helps, but it's not the end of the world if they aren't so close in age. Prioritize based on the needs of the child and the life you want to offer him/her. Good luck!


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mamaluv
Been on both sides of this question myself! on Jan 20, 2016 @ 12:39 pm

Hi Glumbumble! First, let me reassure you that your thought processes are very normal and very common. There are few among us who can leap into second babyhood without any concerns!

My motherhood journey was like this: plan to have a baby = doesn't work out. Stop planning and resume life as though baby will not happen = pregnant. My #1 and #2 are 5 years apart, with #2 and #3 just over 1.5 years apart. My first baby was such an easy and calm child but my 2nd was very fussy. #3 was somewhere in between.

We were already married when we "oopsed" on #1. I put my university degree on hold, and my husband continued on with his program. We were really strapped for cash and had big student debts. We lived in a variety of very simple situations (rented a single bedroom in a house, lived in someone's garage apartment, etc). Finances were definitely a concern but we lived extremely simply. It's amazing how low you can get your costs when you're willing to cut out certain things. One major cut was not always having a car and relying on bicycles and/or public transit. The cheap housing was critical, and I also made all our food from scratch (including baby food). We never ate out or went to movies. I know this sounds like a pathetic life, but we loved going on long walks, having people over to play board games, and going over to grandparents A LOT (they usually sent us home with lots of leftovers, lol!).

After my husband graduated from uni and got a good job, we decided to try for #2 but of course it didn't happen. Eventually I went back to finish my degree and of course became pregnant in the final semester. I never did end up working in my field, but I've taken so much of my education and applied it to my current job so it was okay in the end. However, this meant that I would not be collecting a paycheque and we were still paying off my husband's loans.

So now that it had taken 5 years to conceive #2 we assumed we would probably not become pregnant for a while again. We used birth control but were sloppy and sure enough, got pregnant quickly with #3. Now that my youngest is mid-elementary age, I finally feel like we're financially stable - ha!

What's my point? Life throws you curveballs and all you can do is roll with the punches.

You also asked about adjustment with your older child. Most of the time there will be some adjustment issues but they can be very minor. There's really no way you can predict how your baby will react. The older they are, the better you can explain to them how this is a good thing so that's one argument in favour of waiting. The longer you wait, though, the more "single child" they will feel and then possibly resent someone coming in and stealing the spotlight. There is no great solution here. As for them playing together, my oldest and youngest get along best (7 yr age diff) so again - no guarantees! Even a family pet can have jealousy over a new addition, so be mindful of that.

In the end, I think you should simply accept whatever the future holds as a gift. You can only plan so much and then something happens that you can't control. Take joy in all the simple pleasures and the incredible love between parent and child. Remind yourself during the hard times that "this too shall pass" (and really it does!). Be patient with yourself, with your husband, and with your older child. You'll figure this out and years later you'll look back at the various hardships you had to go through and realize how much you grew. With hindsight, nothing looks as bad as it does in the moment.

We're here to encourage you! Be brave and know that it will in fact all work out in the end. *hugs*
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drummond
baby #2 on Jan 20, 2016 @ 01:37 pm

My kids are 4 years apart. One boy one girl. They are best friends. One is in 2nd year university one is in 2nd year high school. First one super easy slept all the time second one complete opposite never slept as was very demanding.I wouldn't go into the 2nd baby expecting they will have the same mannerisms as the first. Finances play a big part. If you do have your 2 children close together you have to watch out for finances further down the road when you have them both going off to post secondary education. It isn't the tuition up here in Canada that is expensive it is the living away from home that is expensive. I would also make sure your health is better for both you and your husband and enjoy your first child. Just my 2 cents. Age gap isn't a big deal.
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glumbumble
thanks on Jan 20, 2016 @ 03:41 pm

Thanks everyone for the responses. Mamaluv, I really appreciate your point of view especially since it seems like financially you were more in the same boat as us. I think ideally I would like two kids and I really hate the baby part and the not being able to tell me what's wrong part. So i figured I'd get that stuff over with in one long slump and then be able to enjoy them more when they're older and communicating.
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Boychuk25
Go with it :) on Jan 28, 2016 @ 12:30 am

Mom of 4 here :)
Of course it's hard but totally worth it. I got pregnant with my 4th when my son was 7 months old and I would do it all over again. My 4th is currently 1 month old and yes it's hard but you just need to balance yourself and it will work. My son started cutting 10 teeth as soon as my girl is was born which meant he started sleep regression and getting fussy with food. He is just now getting better. In my opinion if you are meant to have another child now or later it will happen when it's supposed to. So just go with it. Don't stress either way. And my advice is to embrace all the good and stressful moments cause they don't last forever and before we know it our little ones will no longer be little
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glumbumble
too late now lol on Jan 28, 2016 @ 09:40 am

Turns out I'm already 19 weeks pregnant. So the question is now moot. lol I just found out on Tuesday I was pregnant (after 4 false negatives at the drs - I was making appointments because I wanted to make sure everything was okay since my last period was July 15th). Wednesday we went in for an ultrasound and found out that I am *very* pregnant. 19 weeks. Crazy! I expected to see a little peanut in that ultrasound, not a whole giant baby. And they say it's a girl :)

So, so weird to be halfway through my pregnancy and not even know. As my husband said, it'll be like the shortest pregnancy ever.
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Shenanigans18
Whaaaaat!? on Jan 28, 2016 @ 09:59 am

Wow! Talk about a surprise!

Congratulations! :)


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