on Jan 19, 2014 @ 02:13 pm|
Im 17 and he is 19. I've been with this guy since the ending of sophomore year. He was the sweetest to me and we were great together, until a year later. He's into bmx riding and he started to continously putting it before me. He would leave me here and there and told me that he needs space and he wants to make it far in bmx and im a distraction. Whenever he left me, I was so depressed. I tried talking to guy friends, and my bf would always come back and yell at me and would get so mad, etc. When that happened, everytime he hurt me he would say its my fault hes like this. Like I have changed him into a monster.. anyway, he is my first for everything :'(We have been together for two years. Last week friday I was with him, nothing seemed wrong.. it was fine. Saturday night and sunday night he ignored me and when I confronted him about this he got mad and said he was just riding around. On monday night he took a break and said he needs space and promised me he loved me and there was no one else. On wednesday he left me, and it broke my heart :( what was worse is that yesterday while I was with my friend, I saw him with another girl.. I made a fool out of myself. I went up to him and cried out for him to tell me whats going on. I couldnt stop crying. Right infront of the other girl he told me to just leave him alone, and that I hurt him to with other guys.. but he kept leaving me and I didn't like any of them. Whats worse is she was laughing at me on the side of him.. he put me down in front of another girl.. after two years. And it hurts so much. All his promises were broken.. im so heartbroken..I just dont understand how he could put me down so low in front of her like I was nothing.. he barely even looked at me. And I broke down, and they walked away together.. and how she laughed at me. I would never do that to someone so hurt. I can't stand this.. I love him. Why would he do this :'( I try to be strong. I surround myself from my friends and family.. I just find myself thinking about him again.. he wanted me go put college aside for him.. im a senior now, and I pushed aside many colleges for him.. for him just to leave me and be with someone else.. im so heartbroken.. I did so much for him. I changed so much just to make him happy.. Idont understand how this girl i saw looked like everything he didnt want me to be.. He wanted me to look "cute" ,he wanted me to be conservative, no make up,natural.. And he didnt want me to be a party girl. I dont drink, smoke, never have. and she looks like she does all of that.. It's so hurtful. I made him such a big part of my life,i feel like he took so much of me with him.. I dont even hate him, i dont hate her.. It's just hurting. I wish he would come back,
|Lick your wounds, consider yourself lucky on Jan 20, 2014 @ 09:35 am|
I'm going to say something very cliche right now, but it's so true. It feels like it's the end of the world for you, but I promise it isn't. It will get better, you will get over him, and you will find The One who is going to make you a priority.
The fact is that you're both young. At that age, most guys are not willing to make the kind of commitments that girls want. It's a wild age for them, they want to sow their wild oats, etc etc. It's the rare guy who breaks this mold.
What I'm trying to say is that unfortunately, your story doesn't surprise me that much. I hate that you're hurting and that he treated you so poorly. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, in that you'll be able to move on more quickly since it ended badly. It's harder I think when you split from someone you love with "unfinished business".
What would have been the end game here? It sounds like he wanted you to stay in a holding pattern for that mythical day when he'd be ready to settle down and have a family. "No worries, hon. I'll just make it big while you work double shifts at McDonald's supporting my dreams. You don't need college since my future's so bright that I can take care of you."
Um, really? No.
Lick your wounds and consider this a big fat opportunity to focus on YOU for a change. Go to college (even if it's trade school or community college), travel a bit, reconnect with yourself! You've been some guy's arm candy for so long, you probably don't even really know what YOU want.
And forget about the girl. She sounds like a total bitch. Yes, it's his fault, not hers. But it goes against the Sister Code to laugh at a heartbroken ex. She'll learn this the hard way soon enough.
|You, Not Him on Jan 20, 2014 @ 10:01 am|
Some of the best advice I have ever received was when I was just starting out high school, my aunt told me that my high school years were for finding my niche, making friends, figuring out what I wanted and who I was. She told me not to take boys too seriously. Not that there was anything wrong with dating but at my age, things can get intense and no one really knows who they are.
@mamluv is right, consider yourself lucky. The last thing you want is to be totally engrossed with a guy, so much so that you miss out on other opportunities. Trust me, there will be other men, other relationships that are much more deserving of you. Take this time to reconnect with yourself and friends.
|I completly agree with the girl's! on Jan 20, 2014 @ 10:11 am|
Its sound to me like you gave way to much of yourself to
him and at such a young age. When I was your age I went through pretty
much the same thing and he was also into bmx racing big time. I even went with him to races he had in the States and all over Ontario. I did nothing but support him and forgot about my own life. As soon as he turned 19 things started to change between us because he could go into bars and I couldn't. That was when he
realized there was more out their for him than just a high school girl.
It hurt so bad when he did this to me, but it ended up being the best
thing he ever did for me. I got my own life back and was able to just be
ME again. I was able to breath and I didn't even realize that I hadn't
bin for the last two years. Don't get me
wrong, I hurt for a very long time, he was my first love and I tried to
get him back. Then one day I realised that he would only come to see me
when he wanted to sleep with me and was completely ignoring me the rest
of the time. So I started telling him no and stopped myself from calling
him. I found my way again and moved on with out him. I was more happy
with out him than I ever was with him and I felt stupid for wanting him
back so badly. Your life will change and it will be for the better, as
long as you put yourself first!! One day another MAN will come along and
make you happier than you ever thought you could be. I've bin with my
husband for 27 years now and when I look back on the love that I thought
I lost all those years ago, I now know that it really wasn't the kind
of love that I deserved. You want a man that loves you for who you are! Not
one that has you change into something they think they want. Never ever
give yourself away like this again. For now just sit back and think
about who you were before this happened and find that beautiful person again. Once you find her you'll forget about him and will be able to be happy again. I promise you if you forget about this guy and put your energy into loving yourself first, your life will come back to you and it will be even better than it was before.
I know you can make it past this, good luck to you and big hugs!!
|say bye on Jan 23, 2014 @ 10:44 am|
Any man that makes you feel like that is not worth it I promise. Its not worth it there are way more guys out there and you are still young! (: first heartbreaks are the hardest but I think you learn the most from them
|Go girls! on Jan 24, 2014 @ 04:38 pm|
All the things the girls are saying are so true and powerful. It is so nice to see such great support and wisdom. This is not even my post and I am thankfulfor the responses.
Ali de Bold
|Lucky break! on Jan 24, 2014 @ 08:00 pm|
I agree with the others. Count yourself lucky this is over. This is not someone you should want to invest any more of your precious time with. I love the advice from @Alexjc's aunt. Believe me there will be plenty of opportunities to meet quality guys. Right now you should focus on school and thinking about what you want to do with your life. Please never let a relationship hold you back from pursuing your education. That can have lasting impact on the rest of your life vs a relationship which statistically at your age isn't going to be a forever thing. Big hugs to you!
|No regrets on Jan 24, 2014 @ 09:32 pm|
I'm sorry someone made you feel the way you do. Unfortunately you can't change the past but you can take this life experience & grow from it. Be strong, tell yourself you should have no regrets about what you've done & continue to grow as a kind, loving & compassionate person. We can only strive to make ourselves better. Take care. There is so much love to be found, you'll see :)
|First heart break on Jan 27, 2014 @ 11:56 am|
I agree with all of the other ladies:
This is your first heart break and I don't know if you have heard the saying or the song but it's true "the first cut is the deepest".
Like the other girls, I went through the same thing at your age and I made a complete fool of myself. I have no regrets about the life I have lived but the one memory that I do regret is that one. It was my first heart break and he treated me much the way your ex is treating you; insignificant, small and weak. I remember saying things like "tell me what to do, I can change, I'll do better" and "please, I'll do whatever you want, just don't let this be over, this can't be over, I love you" etc. And he wasn't even phased by it.
Sometime later, maybe a year or so, he knocked on my door with a puppy-dog look and said "I made the biggest mistake of my life, can you forgive me?". But see, by then I had the innocence knocked out of me, he had taken all of it with him when he tossed me aside like a replaceable pair of sneakers. By then I had had the time to think about how he treated me, how he humiliated me and denigrated me. As the weeks passed after our break-up, my friends encircled me with love and encouragement. Where he had left me broken, friends that I had distanced myself because of him came back into my life and showered me with sisterhood and nourished my soul.
As the weeks turned into months, I healed and I began to date again. So when he ended up on my doorstep, after he had his fun out there in the world with out me, after his lips had kissed other lips and touched other girls, he landed there on my doorstep. He wanted me back, but he was out of my system. My heart jumped at the sight of him, I felt a little pang, but I guess that was because we had been so intimately familiar with each other.
After the initial shock of seeing him, he asked me if I was going to invite him in and while I was a girl with a broken heart the last time he saw me, I was now a woman, thanks to him, I had grown up faster than I wanted to. So the woman in me answered "no, I'm not going to invite you in but I forgive you and I thank you. You did me a favor, I wish you well, but I have to go now, take care."
I never, ever dated another guy like him again and the minute I saw the signs or the moment I was put in a situation that made me feel the way he had made me feel, I'd end it. That is what I walked away with; the knowledge of what never to do again, the knowledge of what I didn't want in the future. You will heal, maybe not today or tomorrow, but any man that treats you like old baggage or yesterdays news doesn't deserve your tears, you're better than that and don't let anything from these last two years mold who you will be in the future. He caught you at a vulnerable and moldable age and if you don't get your confidence back and own yourself as a person, you will repeat this same relationship with the next guy. Be your own woman, be strong, stand tall, you're so much more than some douchebag's girlfriend.
Do not let this experience define you, it's a part of you and all you need to do is take the experience and learn from it, you will survive him and he will come back one day apologizing, you're job, when that day comes is to thank him for being a douche and let him know that because of the way he treated you, you now know what you NEVER want in a man and you now know what to stay away from. As for the girl, she's a douche too. I would never laugh at another woman's pain. There are basic human elements in the world and the first one is to be humane, she's an idiot if she thinks that was funny, but with a guy like him, she might be on the receiving end of tears in the near future. Smile, because he's her problem now and she had to deal with him. You take care of you and enjoy your friends and family, the right guy won't ever treat you like that. TRUST US!!
|Kelso11 hit the nail on the head on Jan 27, 2014 @ 12:01 pm|
Reading Kelso's reply made me think of Christina Aguilera's "Fighter". I hate quoting pop music, but here it is - and it's completely true:
After all you put me through
You'd think I'd despise you
But in the end I wanna thank you
'Cause you made me that much stronger
Hang in there, Anon! Every day you are getting better bit by bit, even if some days feel like a setback.