After my boyfriend broke up with me, & I slept with one of our mutual friends.


casseroleforlife07
on Oct 18, 2011 @ 04:59 am


So I'm not sure what to think of myself.
After my boyfriend, and we remained living with each other for a month and occassionally had sex. I would basically beg him to stay with me, or allow me to move with him to where he was planning on moving.
During that month I went to the next town over to help a mutual friend to watch his baby, and the following even I planned on coming home. Only I got drunk before my friend got there, and babbled about how I really wished my boyfriend would simply want me. While I was babbling, he kissed me, at first I resisted, and eventually gave into having sex with him.
After a day had passed I was back at home, and I splet with my boyfriend.
And even though he lives in a bigger city an hour away, he travels back to where I am to work on the weekends, and we occasionally will have sex with each other.
I want so badly to tell him, and to not feel badly about myself.
I want him to not feel bad about my decision, because really I wanted to free myself of him, and to feel wanted by someone; when infact I never wanted to end things between us.
I just wish there was some way I could tell him the truth without him rejecting me. I want him to want to be with me. But I fear that by sharing this information with him, will diminish all love he has left for me.

Do you think there is a way that I could share with him that would make him understand my actions?
 

27 Replies


casseroleforlife07
darn it! on Oct 18, 2011 @ 05:00 am

oops i messed up in the title...
Reply

casseroleforlife07
REVISED on Oct 18, 2011 @ 05:05 am


So I'm not sure what to think of myself.
After my boyfriend broke up with me we remained living with each other for a month and occassionally had sex. I basically begged him to stay with me, or allow me to move with him to where he was planning on moving.
During that month I went to the next town over to help a mutual friend to watch his baby, and the following even I planned on coming home. Only I got drunk before my friend got home from work, and babbled about how I really wished my boyfriend would simply want me. While I was babbling, he kissed me, at first I resisted, and eventually gave into having sex with him.
After a day had passed I was back at home, and I splet with my boyfriend.
And even though he lives in a bigger city an hour away, he travels back to where I am to work on the weekends, and we occasionally will have sex with each other.
I want to tell him, and to not feel badly about myself.
I want him to not feel angry about my decision, because really I wanted to free myself of him, and to feel wanted by someone; when infact I never wanted to end things between us.
I just wish there was some way I could tell him the truth without him rejecting me, or losing respect for me. I want him to want to be with me. But I fear that by sharing this information with him, it will diminish all love he has left for me.

Do you think there is a way that I could share with him that would make him understand my actions?
Reply

Ali de Bold
Sorry to hear it on Oct 18, 2011 @ 08:47 am

This is a tough situation on many levels. There are two issues: You are having casual sex with your boyfriend even though you are not together anymore, (which is not a good thing) and you slept with a mutual friend. I don't think you should be sleeping with anyone right now. You want your boyfriend back but having casual sex with him is not going to get you back together, neither is sleeping with a third party - esp not a friend.

I think you should tell your boyfriend how you feel (that you want to get back together). If he is not interested, you need to cut ties and move on. Do not continue having sex with him. If he is interested, you should probably be honest about what happened with your friend. He probably won't react well and you need to be prepared for that, but at least you'd be starting your relationship on a clean slate.

Most importantly, don't base your self worth on your boyfriend or any other man wanting you. I know it feels better to have someone want you, but that should never define your value. You are worth far more than the opinion of one guy. Good luck!
Reply

Anonymous
bad choices? on Oct 18, 2011 @ 09:45 am

ummm, it sounds like your making a few bad choices here. Not to make you feel worse, but why were you getting drunk when you were supposed to be watching your friend's kid? seems to me like you are not in a good place right now emotionally. like ali-de-bold says you should not be with your ex boyfriend or starting a new relationship right now. focus on getting your life back on track, live for your own goals not someone else's, and cut things out of your life that are holding you back. honestly, your ex boyfriend sounds like one of them. sorry, just trying to be honest :)
Reply

takoda
Think of yourself as a human on Oct 18, 2011 @ 10:04 am

We all have emotions that we may not understand at times, but it’s how we act upon those emotions that count the most. I was in a similar situation as a teenager and I felt like
a fool when I realise he was only having sex with me because he didn’t have anyone else to do it with at the time. I was safe and easy for him to just give a call to. He knew I didn’t want the brake up in the first place and at the time that I would say yes to him if he asked. You need to respect yourself most of all, even if it hurts. Be honest with him about what you have, or haven’t done since the brake up. Yes he will act pissed at you and you may never see, or hear from him again, but you’re better off being truthful with your feelings and to yourself then you are being used by him just for safe, easy sex. If he does still have feelings for you, he’ll be more hurt then pissed and if deep down he does want to continue a relationship with you, then things can be worked out. Talking and being honest with each other is always the best thing to do. We all make mistakes; its part of being human, but learning from your mistakes is part of staying that way. He may very well have slept with someone else as well and it could very well have been someone that you both know. When emotions are are in a fragile state we tend to want to be close to those we know and if you add alcohol it tends to make us put our gourds down even more. This guy you slept with knew how you were feeling and really should have put a stop to this before it even started, so if I were you I wouldn’t put myself in that situation again. It will only make you feel worse about everything the next day as you know. Always be true to your self and remember things happen for a reason, even if we may not understand that reason at the moment. Tell your ex how you feel about everything that has happened. If you were meant to be together you will be, but if you weren’t then you need to gather yourself up and move on. Life is a never ending adventure and a rollercoaster of emotions. Learning how to deal with these things helps you to become a better person, but you have to know when the lesson is over and when its tie to take a new class. Good luck and let us know how you are
Reply

AlexJC
Mistakes Happen! on Oct 18, 2011 @ 11:56 am

I'm a bit confused- this ex boyfriend of yours, how does he feel about you/your relationship? You mentioned that he broke up with you right? So is he completely not interested in any type of relationship with you?

Besides that- it was definitely not good to keep living with someone you were broken up with, you needed time and space to heel and I think you both (i.e. you and your boyfriend) took advantage of each other in a lot of ways. I think maybe you were both hurt, but casual sex with someone you've just broken up with might not be the best solution.

I know you love him still, but I think it is time to start fresh, move on. You need to make a clean break. That being said, I don't think you owe him anything and I don't think you need to tell him about sleeping with the mutual friend. Was it a mistake? Maybe- but that doesn't mean you need to share it with him. You were broken up so it wasn't cheating.
Reply

casseroleforlife07
sorry i forget an important fact... on Oct 18, 2011 @ 09:54 pm


the baby had been picked up earlier that day, and i was alone waiting for my friend to pick me up..
Reply

casseroleforlife07
I've asked him, and told him how I've felt... on Oct 18, 2011 @ 10:09 pm


Once I asked if is should give up the idea of us getting back together, and he said, "For now."

But every once in a while he will text me that, he misses and loves me, and that we would like for me to come visit....

I know that I need to continue to seek out what it is that I want to do with my life, but I know we have the ability to do this together.

I have mixed feeling about telling him about what I've done with my friend. I want to tell him that I've slept with someone else, but I don't want to say the name of who it is...
Do you think it would be necessarry for me to tell the name of the person??

Reply

Ali de Bold
He's using you on Oct 20, 2011 @ 05:12 pm

I'm sorry this hurts, but it's the classic booty call situation. He says things to keep you hoping like "for now" and that he misses you and loves you but really he's just saying that so you will sleep with him. It's a dirty and horrible thing to do to a person. Wash your hands of this one and don't let anyone treat you like that again.
Reply

takoda
Now that you've said more.. on Oct 25, 2011 @ 08:55 am

I'm going to agree with Ali!!!!!!!
Now that you've said he's told you
"For now", I believe he's just using you for safe sex, playing with
your emotions. Its sickening and completely unfair of him to do this to
you. He's showing you what he's really like by treating you in this way.
If he truly loved you he'd never say these things to you. That's not
true love, its him playing games with your heart and mind! Its not fare
to you to let anyone treat you like this. I know its hard, but you
really should stop taking his calls, responding to any text he sends you
and move on with your life. In time you'll feel so much better about
yourself. I've been with my husband for 25 years now, but I had my share of man
treating me like this when I was younger.
When the right man comes into your life you'll know the difference
between real love and this.

Reply

Leave A Reply

Title:
Your Reply:
 

 

Join Our Newsletter

Stay in the loop for the latest news, contests, deals and more!