boyfriend had a nympho ex


Anonymous
on Nov 16, 2009 @ 12:04 am

Dear Ladies,

My boyfriend recently confided in me and told me his ex was a nympho.

The reason he told me is because when we get into an intimate situation and we are ready to do the deed, he unfortunately loses his erection. This is making him very stressed out as he really feels embarrassed when this happens. It took a long time for him to uncover the reason to me, for a long time I thought there was something wrong with me. :-(

I would like to help him but I'm not sure what to do. Any thoughts? Now there is so much stress and pressure over him not losing his erection that we have lost the fun in the act.

I feel terrible that he went though something like this before and it has made him lose his abilities. I have no idea how to help the situation and him. I really welcome some help ... thank you all
 

15 Replies


Anony Mouse
Sex therapy? on Nov 16, 2009 @ 12:19 pm

This sounds like one of those situations where a professional would be most qualified to help you out. Would he be open to that?

Sorry you are going through this :(
Reply

Anonymous
I doubt it on Nov 16, 2009 @ 10:46 pm

He doesn't even want to talk to a doctor... He feels so embarrassed...

I'm praying that he just snaps out of this. We are getting married soon, so I'm a bit concerned about how this will be long term.

I was hoping someone could give me ideas on what I can do... Part of me is so angry at his ex for ruining things... Everyone is perfect in the relationship just missing this :(

If he opens up to the idea of therapy then I will definitely support it and go.

Thank you very much for your suggestion.
Reply

Ali de Bold
tough one! on Nov 17, 2009 @ 02:31 pm

I agree with both Anonymouse and Anonymous ;)

The one thing I would say is you probably want to see this issue resolved before you tie the knot and more than likely that would come from the help of a professional. Sex is so important in a marriage and getting married isn't going to solve the situation.
Reply

Anonymous
Yikes! on Nov 17, 2009 @ 03:39 pm

Thanks misschickie I see your point... The only problem is our families are now involved, our wedding invitations printed for our August 2010 wedding... How can I get out of it, not that I even want to. But say I did what would I tell everyone? I'm ending it because he can't perform?!

I totally love him too he is an amazing guy in everyway, this is unfortunately our only problem...

I agree with you the sex is important for the marriage. For a long time I was thinking it is me, and everytime it doesn't work out I feel so depressed inside like I'm a failure.

We are so in love and this is the most simple and natural expression of love. I dont get why a bad past relationship would do this....

I've dated the worst guys in the past but this was never a problem, then I find mr right and now sex is a problem. seems like it is impossible to be happy!

Reply

Anonymous
Playful Role Playing? - i'm going to try this... on Nov 17, 2009 @ 03:47 pm

We are spending a weekend together (we are going on a mini trip) just a few hour drive away....

I'm going to try the playful role playing... I hope I have some good news after the weekend. I will keep you all posted.

Should I get any lingerie or anything like that? Or would that put too much pressure on him again? I really just want to make it work..... I really want to put this behind me.

I'll try praying too :-(

Regarding therapy it will be tough to be honest. I cannot believe how long it took him to admit that his ex was a nympho. For months I've been thinking there is physically something that he finds a turn off :-( I even suggested he see his doctor before I knew the problem was psychological. He would just go really quiet and be upset, like his manhood is being slammed. Then he finally broke it to me that he thinks the reason is because of his ex.

I guess the pressure is on for him because I've ended up crying a few times before I knew it was his ex. I really thought it was me and I felt a failure....

God willingly this weekend will be better. He only recently confided in me regarding his ex being a nympho so we haven't tried to have sex after he told me... (2 weeks ago)

Thank you so much ladies your support means a lot!
Reply

Ali de Bold
It could also be medical on Nov 17, 2009 @ 04:38 pm

There are many reasons why this can happen. Don't let the pressure of your wedding or the embarrassment of the situation decide your fate.

I know of a couple, who were best friends, got married and the woman wasn't able to have sex. They hadn't done it before getting married because they wanted to wait, but for whatever reason, she just couldn't bring herself to do the deed. After 4 years of celibacy, they ended the marriage both heartbroken. They loved each other but a marriage without sex isn't really a marriage.

I don't know what the reasons were for her, I suspect psychological, but he has since moved on and remarried. This can happen to anyone.

Ex nympho girlfriend or not, I'd get to the bottom of it before taking the next step. Best wishes to both of you and good luck with your weekend getaway!
Reply

Anonymous
Huh? on Nov 18, 2009 @ 10:42 pm

I am not a doctor or very bright in general :) but how does his ex's
love of sex make him not able to perform. I would think that he would
be really good at it after all the practice.



On a serious note, you would do better to end the relationship 1 second
before the wedding when the priest just asked you the big question then
to waste your time with someone who cant make you happy. You will
continue to grow frustrated to the point where you dont even want to
try and then he will go deeper and deeper into the whole he is in. Bad
choice of words but you know what i mean. (im on a roll tonight lol...i
think so anyway :)



Tell him to quit smoking, drinking and eating junk food. Get him in the
gym and eating healthy. I have never met a man who cant make good on
his promises :) providing he is in shape and not killing himself with
cigarettes or marijuana. Smokers, heavy drinkers are the worst. They have zero stamina.
Reply

Anonymous
medicine? on Nov 20, 2009 @ 08:11 pm

I would suggest talk to a doctor, explain the situation and see what she says. Not necessary he has to be there right away, but see what suggestions she has and take it from there. I'm sure this is normal, it must be after all the ads i see for it on the subway!! But anyways.... do go talk to a doctor and best of luck.


and just like anonym above - i'm confused too. What does his ex's love of sex have to do with his performance?
Reply

babicat
DID NOT LISTEN NOW PAYING THE PRICE on Sep 05, 2013 @ 03:08 pm

Dear Ali de Bold & Anonymous - How I wish I had listened to the wise words you ladies had given me when I first posted this in Nov 2009. Here I am in 2013 and I did marry him and now I'm getting divorced. His performance issue never went away because he wouldn't take onus of the situation. To this date I have no idea what the root cause is, one thing is Nympho ex definitely had nothing to do with it. It was just him shifting blame onto a 3rd party. This man turned out to be the biggest liar I have ever met, cheated on me with his ex girlfriend (granted no sex but other things happened), ended up taking viagra behind my back (so the few times things were working I thought it was really him). He leads a dual life behind my back filled with lies and manipulation. Gambling, drinking, fake business trips. Name it.
All of this could of been prevented if I had LISTENED. The one thing that should naturally occur between two people, an expression of love, never naturally took place. I sold myself short and now I'm paying the price. I am writing this only in hopes that maybe someone might read this and hopefully alter their future and do the right thing for themselves.... I lost many years of my life....
Reply

Onimiki
I am so sorry this happened to you on Sep 06, 2013 @ 08:43 am

Thank you so much for posting an update... I just wish it was a happier one. It is understandable that you didn't listen... you were in love and had hope... please don't look at this as time wasted, try to think of it as lessons learned... like you needed to go through this to learn more about yourself and more about what you deserve in a relationship... you were preparing yourself for the right man who will come along... you will be happy again and you will never make the same mistake again... you are a stronger more savvy person now. Best of luck to you!!!!
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