Boyfriend's ex girlfriend is living under my bed (picutres)

on Jun 28, 2013 @ 03:11 pm

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, we've been living together for 2 months, and we've had many weeks/months that we'd both stay together.  My bf (we'll call him Joe) had many girl friends before, his first gf he was engaged too for a short period of time and this last one (the pictures under my bed) he was talking about getting married too. I have no problem with this, I'm not jealous at all, but it is an important part of the story.

Joe and I started dating about a month after Joe and his ex broke up, Joe and I had known each other for about a year before (we worked together for a summer job) but there was nothing serious, we were just friends, in fact distant friends because both of us were still in school. Joe brought up the idea of dating after we both graduated, and apparently a month after breaking up with his gf. Up until this point, I didn't know much about him or his life, we just said "Hi" from time-to-time over Facebook.

So a month after his break up we started dating, understandable he still had some feelings he kept memories, in a box. This box is just any ordinary box, it was something she made for him, a collage with pictures and love letter saying  "I love you with all my heart Joe" all over top and pictures of them together covering the whole top.  I really didn't care, it was a gift a memory, he didn't want me to touch it though, in fear it may break.

Joe bought a house months later and moved in, we both decided I'd leave some of my things there because I'd probably be staying over a lot, and I could have pick of any drawers I wanted. I was going to pick on of the trundles under the bed, and discovered that there was the same wooden box plaster with I love you notes and pictures. I had talked to him about it, I really didn't care, I just rather it be stored in another part of the house not under something that we were both going to share intimately.

I left it at that, he went of for training for his job for a couple of months and I did another year of school.  During that training session, and this being a year after his break up with his ex, he had the need to contact her and he did. She explained that she wanted nothing to do with him and its for best, I didn't read any of the emails, but I do know he was heart broken for awhile and he did say that he didn't know how he felt about her.

I left it at that and we are still dating, its been a year, and we both live together now. I discovered that box in the same drawer yesterday (2 months of living together) but on the other side of the drawer. I tried to explain my reasoning for it not being stored there but he thinks I'm just being a psycho-jealous person.

What should I think?

11 Replies

...I should add on Jun 28, 2013 @ 03:18 pm

We've been dating for two years. I'm just unsure if I should be concerned that he may still be thinking of her, and maybe I should take a step back?

Ali de Bold
Not completely over her or sentimental on Jun 28, 2013 @ 03:23 pm

I would assume he is either not completely over her or he is just a sentimental guy. I know some people keep stuff from their exes forever and some throw it all out without a second thought.

I do think it's more than reasonable for you to ask that it be stored in another part of the house. You don't need that in your bedroom. If he says no, it would be interesting to know what his reasons are.

hmmm... on Jun 28, 2013 @ 03:41 pm

I think it's normal to still "love" or care for people you have dated in the past. After all, you shared a part of your life with them. With that said, I think it's a little odd that this box is kept so close to him. I can see if it was in storage somewhere or in the basement or something...but the fact it's in a drawer and so close to him seems a bit odd. You have been together 2 years now and you deserve his full attention. I wouldn't take a step back but maybe try to ask him why this box is so important to him? What is it that he is hanging onto?

Good luck!

Awkward.. on Jun 28, 2013 @ 03:43 pm

At this point in your relationship he should be comfortable with putting away the past and either putting it up in a closet or getting rid of it... In my opinion it should've been thrown out ages ago. Obviously when they first broke up he should be upset and maybe hold onto it for sentimental reasons but if he's willing to take a big step and move in with you he should also be able to move on and let it go. You should've have to worry about going into the drawers or closets and fear you may see his relationship with another girl plastered in your face. Making him choose you or the photos may sound extreme, but if he's willing to pick the photos then he's likely not over her and you're making the right decision to leave.

A little too sentimental on Jun 28, 2013 @ 07:05 pm

It'd be different if it were a box within a box of other stuff that was just casually stored in the bedroom. That would be reflective of not giving it very much thought.

I agree with Lissa and di Bold, ask him why it's so important. Get him to talk about it and explain to him why it's important to you that it just gets stored elsewhere.

Keepsakes on Jul 02, 2013 @ 01:37 pm

I don't think there's anything wrong with having keepsakes from exes. I have kept notes, gifts or little mementos (ticket stubs etc) from dates or exes. It's just a nice memory from my past and nothing more. I don't feel anything for the person anymore, it's just a keepsake from a part of my life and it's normal to always love, though not be in love with a person you used to be with.

I don't think where the box is means anything. I don't think he thought about that, I think if explain how it affects you calmly and explain that you don't mind that he has it, it just makes you feel a bit insecure, he would gladly move it. Don't assume anything though for the moment.

Memory Box on Jul 02, 2013 @ 02:02 pm

The fact that your guy keeps this memory box so close to hmi every time he
moves, is an indication that he wants to keep her close to him. You wrote
that after his ex told him she wanted nothing more to do with him, he was
upset. Clearly, after a year, he should have moved on,,and, sorry, but you
were the rebound girl and unfortunately not his first choice.

This dude has feelings for someone else...move out and move on. You
deserve to be with someone who gives you his full attention and with all
his heart, not hanging on to ghosts in the past.

Good luck

Not sure about it on Jul 04, 2013 @ 02:01 pm

At first I just tought i'd be mad if I were you, but I tought about it and I just remembered I got a little box too, with stuff that meant something from when I was dating my first boyfriend (little drawings and notes, a little stuffed bunny I had made for him etc) and i'm still keeping it even if it has been like 4-5 years that we broke up (I had two bf since, my current one is one of them and we've been dating for almost 4 years now)... The only difference tough is that my box is in one of my closet with a bunch of other stuff I don't use or care that much. I'd say i'm kind of a pack rat, I guess that's why I haven't thrown it yet.

Anywho, I know it would hurt me if my bf would keep such a box like a real treasure, and not like some baseball cards at the bottom of a closet.

strange on Jul 16, 2013 @ 10:57 pm

Honestly it's creepy and unfair to you. He needs to let go of this relationship and move on. I would never go for this.

Sorry for not updating earlier. on Jul 19, 2013 @ 12:31 pm


Good news: Pictures were removed

Bad news: its brought up a whole new can of worms, although it is our only problem and I can't seem myself breaking up with him, but he has repressed feelings and overall he hasn't gotten over it.

He and this girl were apparently talking about marriage but they both got different jobs in different cities and the distance was a problem for him. She apparently begged and pleaded with him to try but at the time he felt that he was being selfish, anyways, a couple of months later we started dating and I had no idea that this had taken place at all. I was aware that he had been seeing someone before but I was a distant friend and really had very little clue about his personal life at all.

I believe that because we started dating so soon after his breakup (keep in mind that I wasn't not aware of anything before we started dating except for the fact that he was seeing someone) he hasn't hasn't gotten over it. I've never felt like this before but finally now after 2 years, I kind of feel like maybe I was rebound, that he didn't want to face the issues you have after a serious relationship. I can't actually be mad at him for it he's had a hard life, both of his parents (mother and stepfather) died in a very short time span from each other and he only met his real dad around the time his parents got sick. I don't know if its a real excuse but other than this issue we haven't had any other problems.

It really sucks feeling like a rebound. I've asked him to get some help because clearly he hasn't started the grieving process for any of the hard issues, but he doesn't want, he thinks "that's just the way his is."

I'll give it some time but I think he his isn't going to seek some help to start the grieving process so that he can move on with his life, perhaps it may be time to start a new chapter :(.... but I hope not.


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