Boyfriends sister broke us up... I dont know how to fix our relationship (long... sorry)


lissad
on Jul 19, 2012 @ 09:35 pm

OK I am at a total loss for word and I have a fantastic guy that was part of my life and is gone now and I need to find a way to pull him back before his sister ruins him. We have known each other for over two years and have been dating for one. We have lived together for 7 months. He's amazing but his sister keeps interfering and butting into our life we are trying to build. She's had several "failed" relationships and a few "failed" engagements and she is a financial mess, where her brother is not. She like to be in control of all situations and even though I am a divorced (12 year marriage) and a single mother of 1 boy she has "more life experience" than I have, and she knows whats best for "her brother". So with all that said a few weeks ago she just invited herself over and blew up my whole weekend. I asked her to come over later so I could talk to her brother, mainly I just want a few hours alone with him because I've been working crazy hours and just felt like he and I needed some "us" time. Buy the time he got home he was pissed and all worked up and refused to talk to me. The next day they both treated me and my son like total crap and she wouldnt even let me near him all day. She kept herself between us all day and wouldnt let him talk to me. Later that evening I got out of the shower to him sitting on the bed, he says "we have to talk", he then procceds to tell me that he dosent think he wants to be married right now and that he has to go... WTF??!!?!?!? MARRIED?!?!?!?!?! where did that come from, with my mouth hanging open he was gone! I have not been able to talk to him with out his sister getting involved and sending me hate text. All of our mutual friends blame her for his abrupt departure and they all think that his sister is to blame and that he is making a huge mistake by just walking out on me and my son. His sisters last text to me basically said that "we would really see who was in control of her brother" and somehow I am the bad guy in all this and I dont know why. Hes walked out on a 1 year lease that hes half responsible for, shes been showing up to things that he and I did together and making sinde comments behind my back. I am worried about him and I fear that shes pushed him into a "snap" decision, that hes gonna really regret. He left here with tears in his eyes and I know in my heart that this is a huge mistake. He was my best friend in all this too. He is younger than me, but she is his older sister. I want my friend back, if nothing else. I know his dreams and his desires, ones that she dosent agree with, and I just dont want to see him not achieve his goals in life. This relationship is different for some reason.. my failed marriage and a couple of bad break ups with a few other guys (which my guy has been there with me for and was my shoulder to cry one with all of them but my divorce).. I've gained TONS of weight... this one, complete opposite.. I am losing weight like crazy, I see something or something happens  that I need to share, I go to call him but then dont. He likes "mature" women and I am trying very hard to be that, until he can see that hes made a mistake. He was like a second father to my son and this is killing them both, I just cant stand back and let this happen. Hes is really not comfortable with talking, I need to pull him out of his shell somehow, his co-workers say hes miserable and that his sister needs to butt out too. I need to show him that I am the one he needs, not his sister. Please help me figure out something... Ill take any advice you can give. I am sorry this is so long but the situation is a little complicated.
 


1 Replies


Ali de Bold
Your son on Jul 19, 2012 @ 10:18 pm

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You obviously really care for him. One thing I can't get my head around though, is that if he really wants to be with you his sister shouldn't be able to get him to break up with you. Even if she is completely against you, it would ultimately be his decision.

That aside, you need to put your son first. Your son needs someone more reliable in his life than a man who is willing to turn his back on him and his mother. Instead of trying to win your boyfriend back, I would focus on your son and do everything you can to provide a stable life for him. It would be better for you to be completely single than be with someone who can't commit 100% to the two of you. You and your son are a package deal and the right man should consider this an honour. Also, I don't know how old your son is but the man you end up with would be a role model to him. Your ex isn't setting a very good example so are you sure you really want him back?

Big hugs to you!
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