can u be friends with your ex?

on Feb 23, 2010 @ 04:10 am

i'll keep it short and simple.My boyfriend got a friend request from a girl he dated in high school which was about 10 years ago.. he accepted it and assured me i had nothing to worry about. It still bothers me though.. Why did she friend request him? Did she do it because she still might have feelings? I don't think it's alright to be friends with someone you were once intimate with. It makes your current partner feel uncomfortable. Am I over reacting? I would classify myself as a pretty jealous girlfriend and I dont know why.. I have fears of being ok with it and forgetting it and then one day i catch him doing something he shouldnt do with her.. Can anyone give me some advice?

5 Replies

Be Confident on Feb 23, 2010 @ 02:26 pm

You need to be confident in yourself, be confident In him and most
importantly be confident in your relationship with one another. Even if
she had an interest in him, that does not necessarily mean that he feels
the same way towards her. If he wanted so much to cheat on you, why would he even tell you? Moreover, why would he even waste his time to continuously reassure you
that there was nothing going on between them? The only thing in the way of your healthy relationship right now is
your own insecurities. The more important you make yourself feel, the
more importance people will find you. I'm not saying that you should be cocky but definitely be confident, everyone envy's confidence. I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck but I'm sure everything will be fine!

you are completely right.. on Feb 23, 2010 @ 04:13 pm

i am very insecure.. sometimes i dont even understand it myself.. i think i am attractive, so I believe this problem goes deeper.. I feel like i might have a good thing here and maybe im self sabotaging before he can hurt me(which is only in my mind and may not be the case here) I need to work on this before I do ruin a good thing and before my insecurities overcome me.. thank you

It's "just" FaceBook on Feb 23, 2010 @ 09:01 pm

On the one hand, many Facebookers out there don't have a sense of basic etiquette. They will "friend" anyone and everyone, regardless of how well they know the person or what their history is. It's possible that she came across his name by looking at a mutual friend's page and decided spontaneously to connect with him.

It is also possible that she looked him up purposely and is trying to reconnect for deeper reasons. However, it has been 10 years. I would not read too much into it, but there's nothing wrong with keeping him honest by being aware of suspicious online behaviour.

Having said that, don't be a cyber spy! Nothing will undermine your relationship faster than if you're hacking into his account or continuously asking about it.

Evaluate your relationships on more merits than his Friends list - it's "just" FaceBook.

I am... on Feb 26, 2010 @ 09:18 am

I am friends with a couple of my exs. If things didn't end badly and both poeple are mature I don't see why they can't be friends. There was obviously something about the person that made me want to date them in the first place, those same qualities can be valuable in a friend.

One of my best friends is a guy I dated for two years! We still talk all the time. He tells me about the girls he's dating and I tell him about any guys that I meet. We give eachother advice and complain to each other.

However, a couple of his girlfriends have been uncomfortable with our friendship. He sometimes stops responding to texts and then I know he's met someone new. I wait a while and text "can we talk yet?". I don't want to complicate his situation, so I keep my distance. But at the same time, his girlfriend should believe him when he tells her we are just friends. It can be frustrating to be in my situation, as "the ex" and not be able to talk to my friend becasue his new girlfriend doesn trust him. I try to be patient.

Every situation is different. I think it comes down to trust. If you have no reason to not trust your boyfriend, then I wouldn't worry about it.

Neat perspective on Feb 26, 2010 @ 11:01 am

Thanks for sharing, Patricia! It's true - sometimes there really is nothing more than a platonic friendship between exes.

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