Clingy Friend Strikes Again!!

Lotus Flower
on Feb 15, 2011 @ 02:37 am

Hey Dolls!!

i hope u all had an enjoyable valentines day! now to the issue at hand...i had posted a thread a while back concerning my clingy friend. after taking your advice i told her a couple of months back that she needed "to relax her grip on me" and that me having other friends doesn't make me any less of a friend to her. anyway the last 2 months we have been planning her wedding. she made me maid of honor although i later found out her 1st choice refused to be a part of the wedding ( for reasons i don't know). for the last 2 months i have been at her beck n call. i figured she was acting up since its pressure and nerves that come with planning a wedding. however she was expecting me to jump whenever she called. she would call me at work and ask to meet. if i tell her i am swamped she would pout and go silent on me. the wedding was this past weekend. i literally had to beg my boss for the day off as well as miss two graduate classes and leave my sick mum at home. 
come Sunday...i was anxious to get back home and take care of mum. My friend yelled at me saying that she would call my mum to verify if she was indeed unwell.

this ticked me off something proper!!!!!! keep in  mind the whole weekend her husband was talking to me badly and snapping. yet she didn't say a word when he went out of line with me. i feel drained emotionally by this friendship....if she isn't mad at me for working and going to school,,she's mad coz i haven't yet bought her a wedding gift....i am exhausted dolls...please advise

which is the best way to cut ties???

5 Replies

Bridezilla 2011 on Feb 15, 2011 @ 09:14 am

This is a nightmare.

The wedding's's time for 'the talk'

I think you were more polite in your post above-make it short and sweet-she's draining you. No thanks.

Don't return calls, change your number-do whatever you have to do. Tell her once so she knows the deal.

God Bless you for hanging in as long as you did.

Agreed on Feb 15, 2011 @ 10:44 am

You have done enough, it's time for a major break!
If you feel like you need to talk with her- do it ASAP, otherwise don't feeel bad about not returning her calls and taking time for yourself.

This is a toxic friendship and I can not believe you stuck it out this long.

Bridezilla indeed on Feb 15, 2011 @ 10:50 am

I have sympathy for brides - it IS their special day and all. And many people would say they are entitled to a little bit o' crazy (however, I'm not one of them), so their friends and family should smile and bear it.

I think this is a case of our society gone overboard. It used to be that a wedding was not only a family affair, it was a community event. It was an excuse for everyone to let loose and saunter down to the village square for free food and boisterous singing. At some point, someone decided it was all about the bride and everyone else can take a flying leap.

Your friend's behaviour is unacceptable. Yelling and screaming is never appropriate, no matter what the situation. Asking for you to ditch work so you can both pick out the exact shade of napkin or font type for her invitations (or whatever the reason was) is another baddie. This girl has zero boundaries, and life is going to teach her a harsh lesson if she doesn't clue into that fact.

I don't really blame her for not calling her hubby out publicly for the way he spoke to her - but for one huge reason only. They are now a committed couple and they have to have each other's back before anyone else. HOWEVER, as soon as she saw him laying into you, she should have asked him to speak privately (at which point she should tell him to reign it in).

I would also say, as Meredith pointed out, that since you've already had the nice talk, it's now time to walk away altogether. My only difference in action might be to have a clarifying discussion before you cut off contact. If you simply break off without an explanation, she's going to find other ways to reach you.

Remind her of your earlier discussion, how you said you needed some boundaries. Tell her that since you totally understand that weddings are special and (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime event, you were willing to be a little more flexible about that but there were some instances when lines were crossed.

This is where she's bound to get ticked off, so you'll want to have specifics to prove your point.

Don't call her a bridezilla or anything else that is especially inflammatory as this will ensure it ends in a catfight that will drag all your mutual friends into a standoff. Just tell her that you need a break - your friendship isn't working right now and for the sake of remaining friends on a more casual basis you need space.

If she doesn't respect that space, then take it to the next level with cutting off all contact. See this as an opportunity to help her grow - though you should not be part of the growing process. Just the initial kick in the butt.

@mamaluv on Feb 15, 2011 @ 11:07 am

admiring your patience and tolerance level.

Ali de Bold
Toxic friendship on Feb 15, 2011 @ 12:50 pm

Is there any part of you that wants to salvage the relationship? From what you've written it doesn't sound like it.

Honestly, I wouldn't have even agreed to be in her wedding party in the first place if I was in your shoes since you know how she is. Some of this stuff you probably could have seen coming.

If this was a guy everyone would be telling you to break up. I see this as no different. If you are ready to move on without the drama, just tell her you've gone as far with this friendship are as you are willing to. That you wish her and her new husband the best but the friendship is too high drama and you think it's best if you part ways. She'll probably freak out a bit and that is fine. Don't engage in it and stick by your decision.

I had to do this once with a friend that was perpetually selfish and inconsiderate of myself and others. She'd leave you waiting at a restaurant for an hour without an apology and expect to dominate every conversation. She also tried to keep me and my husband apart and then pouted at our engagement party. This is not nearly as frustrating as your situation, but I got to the point where I told her honestly I was done with the friendship because of those reasons. If the friendship has soured, it isn't good for either one of you.

It's great if you can stay friends forever for all of your friendships but it's not realistic. Some friendships simply run their course and it's time to move on.

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