Complaints about a *great guy*


Anonymous
on Apr 05, 2011 @ 11:42 am

My partner is really truly a great guy.  He's so extremely kind, and understanding...I mean really really understanding!  He never throws drama fits, hissy fits, or me-fits over anything.  If I can't do something, he understands.  He loves me, and he loves everyone I love (family, etc).  He just doesn't say "i love you" but shows it by his actions.  I can't even begin to go into the detail of how kind, generous, truly loving and understanding he is. If there is one person I want in my corner during a time of need it'd be him.

But the thing is, he's not very smart.  He's really very average when it comes to smarts.  It's SO HARD to walk him through doing anything.  Sometimes when he calls me asking for IT help, I just cringe and pretend to not know the answer, because walking him through fixing it is such a nightmare.
Say I'm on desktop sharing with him, so I can see his screen but just can't touch it.
Me: "bottom left corner, the icon that says "XYZ" on it. see that icon? click on it.  No, the other left... No no, the other buttom...  Sigh.. I don't know how to fix it."

This is a small example of his slowness.  He has a laptop which has a "problem" every other day.  Honestly ladies, its not the laptop that's the problem. 

My ex was very very smart.  In fact he taught me a lot of what I know.  He was also disrespectful, didn't know his boundaries or limits, and was smart enough to cheat on me and get away with it. 

I know I have a good thing with this guy...

Can you ladies relate at all?  Do you or did you ever have a guy who you knew to be perfect but they had something off with them that just nagged you?  Or am I just really being ungrateful?

Also, I go through periods when I love him to bits, and other times I can't stand him.. basically I remember this 'slowness' of his and that pisses me off.  My last relationship was a total rollercoaster.  Big highs and big lows.  This guy is just consistent.  He is consistently kind, considerate, understanding, etc.

Sometimes when I sit and really think about it, I feel that perhaps I'm so scared of the relationship failing, that I give myself reasons to not get totally attached, or I warn myself off...perhaps I think it'll be less of a fall and will hurt less if I'm less attached.

Or maybe I'm just ungrateful...  What are your two cents?
 


5 Replies


LaurenBlair
My 2 cents on Apr 05, 2011 @ 03:14 pm


How often do you get frustrated with him? Is it on a daily basis or is it monthly...?
We ALL get flustered with our partners, and we all have habits that bug them. In my experience 75% of the time when I get really frustrated with my guy it actually has nothing to do with him (I mean sure maybe he's been a little annoying) but in reality I've just had a long day or I'm stressed about something else and I just don't have time for anything.


No if your complaints about him are daily and they are starting to get in the way of the relationship then maybe you have something to worry about. If being with a super “smart” guy is one of the most important things to you then maybe you should re-evaluate this relationship, but reading your post gives me a feeling you've identified a quirk that you don't love and you are making a bigger deal of it than maybe it really is to you. Evaluate what you need in the relationship and whether the things that bug you are worth throwing in the towel for.

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Ali de Bold
If you marry him, you marry his brain on Apr 05, 2011 @ 04:34 pm

I know I'm jumping the gun here talking about marriage, but if we are honest, most of us consider when we are dating someone if this is the person we'd want to be with permanently.

He sounds like an amazing person. And there is a lot of value in that kind of strength of character. It really depends on what you value most in people. Is it kindness, smarts, ambition, looks?...

If smarts are high on your list you should evaluate if it's fair to be with him expecting him to be something he's not. Even if you do your best to hide it, he will feel bad about himself every time you lose patience or his shortcomings are brought to light.

On the other hand if this isn't that important to you, you need to lower your expectations of him in that regard. Don't be surprised or frustrated when he doesn't get something because you already know this about him. If you lower those expectations you will be less bothered and therefore (hopefully) more patient with him.

Just consider what you are looking for long-term. If you decide smarts aren't that important, you will need to learn to cope with his brain indefinitely. Better to figure out how to do that now than later. If you decide it's a deal breaker, don't lead him on.

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Lotus Flower
hmmm...toughie!! on Apr 06, 2011 @ 07:44 am

it can be hard dating someone who u sense might be average smart wise, but from your description of him he sounds like a really nice guy. i think most women tend to be naturally attracted to the intellectual. i think it has something to do with

smarts=success=security=meaning he will take care of a family

but sometimes this isn't the case. like u mentioned your ex. he was "smart" enough to cheat on u. most likely he didnt have the time for u due to work and all.

at the end of the day doll...it about how the man makes u feel... are u secure with him? do u feel loved and cherished...does he make u happy and most importantly do u see yourself settling down with him? what are ur instincts telling u( us girls tend to ignore them)

think about it...before any decision is made...

XOXO
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Anonymous
thank you! on Apr 06, 2011 @ 10:33 am

I think I make him sound a bit retarded when he's not at all. He got his Honours BSc with awesome grades.....He's just not at all tech savvy, which irks me. But this is not a deal breaker, not even a little bit!!

He makes me feel so secure, so cherished, precious, loved, everything. I couldn't, really literally couldn't ask for more. I can't even think of what else to ask for! (Well, tech savvy. Besides that! lol). He's just so nice, and kind, and understanding. I really don't know any other guy like that! He never accepts monetary help from me for anything, my ex was all about me financing his way. He takes care of me in every sense. And he's awesome in bed lol.

I think it boils down to this, I'm so afraid of something bad happening, of falling on my face again, that thinking he's not all that is my way of somehow protecting myself (stupid, I know).

Thank you all for your answers :) and @Lauren: thanks for saying that feeling periodically frustrated with our partners is normal :) It's so nice to think it's not just me!
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Ali de Bold
In that case on Apr 06, 2011 @ 11:00 am

...this is nothing to worry about. I had interpreted that he was a bit 'slow'. If it's just that he doesn't get technology and he's an otherwise smart guy (and clearly hitting a home run in all other areas), then he definitely sounds like a keeper.

He should brush up his skills with technology for his own sake as it is important even if it doesn't currently affect his job or day to day life, but that is something he can take a course for, or if you can be patient, you can slowly teach him.

And yes, Lauren is right - everyone gets frustrated with their sig. other at some point. And sometimes every day. All relationships require a lot of patience and more other-centered thinking than you have when you are single.
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