Define "emotional affair"


Anonymous
on Jul 10, 2008 @ 01:46 pm

I've been worried lately about my fiance having an affair. At first I thought he might be having a "real" affair with a woman at his office, but when I thought about it, there haven't been enough warning signals like strange phone calls, business trips away, not being able to reach him when i call - stuff like that.

He makes comments here and there, tho that make me worried. Like their friendship is deeper than I'm really comfortable with. I know he loves me and I don't really think he'd cheat, but I can't shake the feeling that they are closer than is appropriate.

Advice? Been there? i don't want to be all paranoid, but I also don't want to be naive.
 


5 Replies


Ali de Bold
Trust your instincts on Jul 10, 2008 @ 03:22 pm

I heard somewhere ( I think it was Oprah) that when you are being cheated on, deep down you know. This doesn't mean forsure he is, but it is enough of a warning that you need to talk to him about it. Have you asked him point blank? Asked if he is in love with her? Or at least understand the nature of what is going on? Do you have a wedding date set? Is he dragging his heels about it?

Just be delicate how you ask and don't accuse. Sorry to hear you are going through this. :(
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hunter_jc
Deep down feeling. on Jul 10, 2008 @ 10:15 pm

Oh yeah, I hate that trust thing all together. From my past experience in dating is to never trust the gf. I can sense it when the girl is having doubt or has cheated. I think your bf is probably trying to win it all without doing the physical cheating. I would suggest you not go overboard when questioning him though. Probably try guilt him into not seeing her. If you pretend to breakup with him or something, he might just think of 'screw it' I will just go out with that other girl. He will just blame everything on you.
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Feisty Redhead
talk to him on Jul 12, 2008 @ 02:18 pm

I agree with MC to trust your instincts, and talk to him. It IS possible there's nothing going on, and they just have a really close friendship. If this is so, and how close they are bothers you, you need to tell him that. But not in an accusing way or anything - just try your best to rationally explain what you're feeling to him so he can get where you're coming from and why you're worried.

Trying to guilt anybody into/out of anything is a huge no-no. It ultimately only makes you the guilty one, and it's really not fair to anyone involved if you do that. Definitely do not go there. Trust is extremely important in relationships. If you can't trust anybody - you're not ready for a relationship at all. It's ok to get a little jealous from time to time, but constantly being jealous and not trusting the person you are with is a big problem and that usually says more about you than who you are with.
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Anonymous
have already asked... on Jul 14, 2008 @ 12:36 pm

ya, I already asked him about it. He told me to my face that I have nothing to worry about. says they are just friends and because they work so closely together, they sometimes talk deep stuff which is why she knows certain things about him/us.

He hasn't been stalling about wedding stuff, but that's also because we don't really have a set wedding date. We've been engaged for over a year, together for 5 years, and probably won't actually get hitched until 2010. We have the same mindset on this becuase we have things we want/need to accomplish before we get into a less flexible situation such as marriage.

I really think there's nothing there, but in those self doubting moments I get a little paranoid. HAve any of you dated a man who had a best female friend?
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StephB
hmmmm... on Jul 14, 2008 @ 02:09 pm

I guess you need to know your boyfriend well enough to know if it is a close relationship, if he is attracted to this girl but not acting on it, or if he is cheating. Even if he has said it to your face, it doesn't necessarily make it true (not to make you more paranoid) but I know of situations where the guy or girl has said that and one of them is lying. I think you know in your gut if something is right or wrong.

As a girl who has a few very close male friends, I can see how you might be getting mixed up. My boyfriend trusts me and knows that I'd never do anything with any of them but we do have close personal relationships - much like I have with my girlfriends.

I think the bigger question is why you are having these doubts and what it is that is making you unable to let it go.
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