on Jul 03, 2011 @ 02:48 pm|
I am new here and I just wanted to say that I am so happy I found a place where I can get unbiased opinions and not have to embarrass myself by asking my friends or family about what recently happened.
Let me begin by saying I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. We went out and saw that there was a festival going on so we went to check it out. He started having a few beers and I immediately started feeling uneasy because he gets angry when he drinks, but he assured me he would be alright and I had nothing to worry about. Long story short we end up at a bar I order one drink and he is pretty tipsy by then. Everything is pretty good until ofcourse he gets sad and starts insulting me because he's drunk. I leave and walk home. Three hours pass and I hear him at my door. I don't want him trying to drive home or walking around late at night drunk so I let him in. He immediately lays on my sofa and passes out. A few hours later I wake up because I hear him showering so I get up and I see that he urinated on my sofa!!! I got so angry I walked into the bathroom and said did you pee my couch? He said I don't think I did. I said dude when you sober up you need to leave. As soon as he gets out he sees me scrubbing the sofa and he just walked out and drives away. I am left here to clean up the mess and looking and feeling like an idiot. Later on in the day he has the nerve to yell at me saying he got so upset and angry because he can't trust me. What!?!?!? Am i in the twilight zone? What are your opinions? Should I walk away and just call it quits for good? Thanks in advance!
|:o on Jul 04, 2011 @ 11:37 am|
I feel I need to start with a disclaimer that I have a bit of a bathroom phobia, so the peeing on the couch thing is a deal breaker for me.
Onto more pressing topics, so he drinks and insults you when he's drunk? He gets angry when he drinks to the point that you come to expect his drunken abusive behaviour and you're uneasy/scared when you see him starting to drink? These are warning bells clanging right here girlfriend, I say pick up your skirt and run as fast as your heels can carry you.
I'm very black and white when it comes to relationships. All girls want 100 qualities in their man, but if we think about it, probably only 5 out of those 100 are deal breakers. The rest of the 95 are perks. Drunken abusive behaviour falls in my 5 deal breaker realm. So for me, just that alone is enough reason to walk away from this relationship before it gets any worse.
As for him getting upset and yelling at you because he can't trust you, not too sure what that's all about. I can understand (but not agree) him being embarrassed about what he did and covering it up by yelling at and blaming you (another abusive trait), but not sure where the not trusting you was coming from. Perhaps he trusted you to pretend you didn't see or smell his urine on your sofa, but that he saw you cleaning it got him embarrassed even more, so he can't trust you to.....not clean after his pee? Not embarrass him further by acknowledging his bladder control issues? Hmm...
Bottom line, if I were you I would dump him and chalk it up to a lesson learned, and something funny to share on girls night out once you get over the gross factor of a grown man peeing on your couch.
|What the... on Jul 05, 2011 @ 01:05 pm|
He peed on your couch? What is he a dog? Drunk or not, that is a really weird behavior and it's better if he owned it up and helped you clean the sofa. I feel like he came back later and yelled at you was to push the blame back to you and make it seem like you're the one at fault so he gets away with the incident. He seems manipulative because he knew what he did was wrong but tried to turn it around to make it about you. You don't deserve that and if I were you I would just be as confused.
Ali de Bold
|Do you really want to be with a guy like that? on Jul 05, 2011 @ 01:56 pm|
Peeing on the couch and then running away is SUCH loser behaviour. I would struggle to be attracted to a man who acts like that - and then runs away and leaves you with the mess! But, I'm even more concerned about the drinking. Is this the man you really want to trust with your heart? Do you really see a future with him? Is this how he treats the people he loves? I think you need to raise the bar.
|agree on Jul 05, 2011 @ 02:27 pm|
This sounds like a deal breaker to me too. Alcohol abuse is not just a simple problem - it's a disease. I'm not saying he's an alcoholic. Only a trained professional could say that with authority. But clearly he cannot handle himself while drunk and this is a problem.
Sorry to say, but peeing on your couch is probably a good thing. 'Good' in that at least a little fabric cleaner and some elbow grease might be the only price you have to pay for this wake up call. Lots of other women have had to pay with black eyes or drunk driving convictions before they see the light.
2 years is a long time, and I'm sure you feel a sense of loyalty and love for this man. He's probably worthy of it while sober too. However, until he gets his drunk self under control, continuing to stay with him enables this behaviour. You say he's an angry drunk, and from your story he's obviously emotionally abusive.
Maybe he just needs some time to grow up. He might not be a lost cause, and you never know what the future might hold. But honey, this is a journey he should take without you. I'd say you should get out of this relationship before things take a turn for the worse :(
Ali de Bold
|What did you decide to do? on Jul 06, 2011 @ 01:01 pm|
I'm just curious, brookeylynney - what did you end up deciding about this? Hope things are better for you over the last few days!
|Oh my... on Jul 06, 2011 @ 01:28 pm|
Being in nursing, I'm no stranger to cleaning up bodily fluids. Actually, cleaning urine is a good day for me! So that would not be a deal breaker. BUT peeing then pretending it didn't happen, blaiming the situation on me, and his wreckless and angry behaviour while drinking would all be deal breakers. Especially when he promised he'd be ok with a couple drinks. You can't trust that in anybody and especially in a man because let's face it, anybody you date has the potential to become a partner/husband some day. Do you want that in a husband or father to your children? I sure don't.
Mamaluv is in right in that you're fortunate this is only pee on the couch and not a black eye. So very fortunate.
One thing I wonder though is this: after a 2 year relationship, wouldn't you think you'd be at the point where if you pee on your boyfriend or girlfriend's couch, you could laugh it off? I guess it depends on the quality of the relationship (and the personality of the couch owner!). He totally reacted wrong. And actually if it were me, I probably would have cleaned that cusion as fast as I could before you woke up! lol
|accidents happen on Jul 06, 2011 @ 02:09 pm|
Yes, you're totally right Beachbabe. Peeing on the couch is an accident, even if it was a drinking-induced accident. Most of us have overindulged at one point in our lives and know full well what kinds of accidents can come from that (chucking on the floor of a cab or whatever for example).
What's bad here is the the angry deflection on his part. That's what's setting off my red flags.
|Sorry It took so long to respond on Jul 06, 2011 @ 09:41 pm|
Well, it took me about two days to get the stench out of my sofa. You know I decided to just call it quits with the guy. That night was such a turn off and not only that but I realized I was insane for knowing that this guy was emotionally abusive when he drank and my idea of making it better was to just not be around him when he drank. What?!?! I really did lose it there for a minute i guess. I sat there for two days scrubbing and by the time I was done I had lost every feeling I had for him I mean at the end I was disgusted. I had nothing but time and all I did was scrub and think and it's amazing what you realize and are able to see when you just take a step back and look at things from the outside in, or when you're cleaning a grown man's urine off your sofa. This guy has some major issues that I'm not willing to stay and help him through and I swear I think it was a blessing in disguise that I had to clean up that mess because it made me realize so much. I now leave this relationship happy and I see things clear but honestly I'm still pretty disgusted.
|You're inspiring! on Jul 06, 2011 @ 10:16 pm|
It's honestly really hard for people to leave relationships sometimes because of various reasons but it's really inspiring that you had the courage to do what you did and to stick with it. I'm glad you made the decision with such a positive attitude. It's the right thing to do and I'm really happy for you!
Ali de Bold
|Good for you! on Jul 07, 2011 @ 10:28 am|
It sounds like you made the right decision. You're right. If it took a stinky couch to make you realize this is not the man for you, that's not the worst thing in the world. I hope you were able to get it all out! Now you will have room in your life for a man who is all grown up. XOXO