did I spend too much? does the price really matter?


manloveswife
on May 21, 2014 @ 10:58 pm

Im a male but i figured what better place to ask than on a females blog...

im young and about to get married.. or well engaged soon

I wanted to know what everyone thought about how much their man should really be spending on a wedding ring.

a lot of my girlfriends friends have gotten proposed to and have gotten their flashy rings which to my girlfriends statements have cost quite a bit of money

im not rich.. she knows that.. and just to be perfectly clear ill let it out on the table that I only had about 15,000 in the bank up until a week ago

she (my gf) has been very clear on how she wants a huge stone, the bigger the better she says... I Iove her a lot but knowing how much I make at my job which isnt the greatest.. and how much ive had saved up. I would hate to buy a ring just to hear her reject my proposal.

Ive spent 11,000 on just a center stone which I got a good deal on through a diamond broker (which was nice), but after looking around online at statement of other happy women who's rings are only worth 5,000 in total I somewhat feel like a fool.... 

you may think "OMG" she will be very happy.. and she will I guess.. but my concerns have been the stress Ive had about paying so much and having so little left under my name. and the fact that now, money that could have went a little towards the wedding, an apartment, house, or even kids has just set "us" back a bit on my end. 

she very clear that the color had to be as white as possible and im perfectly ok with that because I did run into alot of diamonds that are a D and E in color but because of the size she "recommends" prices were outrageous... and if they (the prices) weren't, inclusions or cracks inside the stone really bothered me.. (I have really good eye sight and after looking through a loop an an E.. I was able to still pick out the location of the inclusion on the diamond without the aid of the loop)

I wanted to buy something that really had value in case we wanted to upgrade later in life we could exchange the one I got her...

but the question really is... did I go overboard for someone making less than 50K annually.. or am i just thinking cheap and may have done the right thing? :-/

I still have to put money in towards the platinum casting which although may sound like would be astronomical. I was told would only cost about another 1,200
which i guess in my situation at the moment is a big bite at the wallet considering my recent expense..

its just very stressfull hearing "bigger is better" and it makes me feel as though there is no worth in me personally but just that she needs something to flaunt over her friends.
 

12 Replies


Malixy
5k on May 22, 2014 @ 02:24 am

Honestly, me and my girlfriends talk about the ring situation often as we are getting to that age now (23-24) where marriage seems like a close possibility. And to be honest with you, I think more then 5K for a ring is not a wise investment, especially considering that you're gonna have to also pay for the wedding and honeymoon soon. Your girlfriend should understand that you have limited funds right now. Besides, asking someone to marry you is asking if they love you enough to be with you forever, not asking if the diamond is big enough. Of course you should spend some money on it to show that you're invested and its a serious offer, but the thing with rings is you can always give her a bigger ring for your 10 year anniversary, once you have the money to do so and you already know she's in it for the long haul. If your gf really loves you, she's not going to reject you because the diamond isn't big enough. And if she does... is that the person you really want to marry?
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manloveswife
shes at "that" age. on May 22, 2014 @ 05:53 pm

Thanks. I feel its a little too late as i have already purchased the ring at the size and price that i did.. I almost feel as though upgrading in 10 years will take another huge stab at the pocket...

I dont know if lying about the price to say its not worth as much as it really is. and telling her its actually smaller in carat than it really is to put on some kind of test would help in any situation... but after dating for 6 years... it would be a complete turn off if the price and a number on the size reall mattered, when it's still a beautiful piece, that I would maybe consider backing out from everything entirely and calling it all off.. :-/

my worry, not only is spending as much as I have already and will be... but that it will look so huge on her hand that it will look like cheap costume jewelry... and not only does she need to be happy with what she wears... but i want to feel happy about what I put there... I worry that although the value is there Ill look at it as something that looks foolish on her small hands..

its been very stressful with the whole process so far.. it just makes me think that if pricing is really such a big deal and "the bigger the better" "one carat for every year" just what exactly am i signing myself up for.. and is it worth the stress I feel i may have in the future....

she is the person I want to marry... and I can see us having a beautiful life.. but I can also see more stress than relief... and just sadness in the heart hiding under my smile..

would it be fair to say i deserve all this stress for taking so long.. ?
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Malixy
friends? on May 24, 2014 @ 01:02 am

Have you considered talking to her best friend? Because me and my best friend have a pact, I know exactly the type of ring she wants and how much it should cost so when her bf decides to propose I know exactly which direction to point him in to. Its possible that if you talk to her close friends they might be able to help you out with deciding if the ring will not be what she wants.

If all the stress is because of the ring, just make a decision and propose and (as bad as it sounds) get it over with. If you are sure she loves you, the ring doesn't matter. Girls always joke that its about the ring but its only JUST about the ring, if you're with the guy JUST for the money. If you love each other, its not really about the ring.
Reply

Fishstixx
Just be happy with what you got? on May 27, 2014 @ 12:31 pm

Do you need to tell her how much you spent? Does she need to know really? I would suggest maybe not stressing to much. I know that's easier said than done. Asking someone to live the rest if their lives with you is I am sure nerve wracking enough, don't put more pressure on yourself.
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fredamans
It depends on you and her on May 27, 2014 @ 12:36 pm

Listen, it's not what you spend but what you get that is important. Listen to her when she tells you what she likes, like cut and such.
My engagement ring is what I wanted but more. I told him a princess cut solitaire ring and I actually got 3 princess cut diamonds with chips surrounding it. It is an expensive ring, that I got the appraisal papers with, but he purchased at the pan shop which saved lots.
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nicbeau79
My thoughts on May 27, 2014 @ 01:28 pm

Every situation is different so I think whatever you feel is right for both of you is the right choice. I have been happily married for 9 years, my ring was under $5,000 and looks great on my small hands. I did end up getting a band with 3 diamonds in it that make the whole set look bigger. I also planned to add an anniversary band to the other side but after the years went by we chose other options instead as it didn't seem as important anymore (I got a puppy instead).I also have friends with huge expectations that want the big ring and 10 years later they are still not married. It is all about choices, even with my wedding I chose to do somethings cheaper so I could spend more on the things that were most important to me. Maybe she would be happy with the expensive ring and can cut cost elsewhere.

My best advice would be to talk about it with her if you are so stressed about it! This will be your partner for life and the one you will make future choices with so maybe start it off with including her in this big choice. I have read many times that one of the biggest mistakes couples make is spending so much on a wedding and starting their married lives off in debt that the marriage then fails because of it. I also agree with the comment above if the ring is not good enough for her to want to marry you then it would be better to know that now as it may just be harder down the road (divorce is not cheap either!). I hope you are just worried with the thought of moving on to the next big chapter in your life, and that your girl will be overjoyed with the thought of becoming your wife!
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Ali de Bold
The ring should not be the focus on May 27, 2014 @ 05:16 pm

Wow, I think that's a very generous amount you have spent. I'm sure it's very beautiful. I can only imagine how stressful ring shopping is for men around the world and I feel bad for you guys about it. It shouldn't be that way.

I think when she is older she will regret giving you such a specific shopping list about what she wants in a ring. The point of the proposal is the marriage, not the diamond size, cut and clarity. The point of the marriage is the relationship. No matter how huge the rock, it won't affect how happy your marriage is.

What you should be thinking about is not how big of a rock you are buying or how much you should spend, rather is this the person you want to spend your life with? Does she make you happy, are you compatible, etc. People get too hung up in the engagement and wedding planning to remember what is most important.

I remember my husband sweating about this before he proposed and me telling him I wanted a large stone. I wish I had not said anything and let him just buy me whatever he wanted. I would have appreciated it so much more. But that was almost 10 years ago now and I think he forgives me ;)
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manloveswife
big thanks on May 27, 2014 @ 09:51 pm

Thanks everyone for all the generous replies, I do get worried on price.. and I guess if price really DID matter she would have to somehow get over that or be single.. im not rockafeller.. so to think I could spend an outrageous number would be an outrageous thought of hers.. I guess it also comes down to how she wants to get the ring appraised and all..

ive been told even with a ring thats under a grand, an appraisal and to pay insurance on a ring could be as much as "you" think its worth.. if that makes sense. insurance would gladly take your money to insure a 1 thousand dollar ring for 10 grand or more if your willing to dish out the money monthly for it..

i guess its more of a repetitive idea in her head that shes mentioned before but not recently that she xpects me to be spending over 15k and or worth well over 20k for the finished product..

I would never give her something that visually looks ugly but im also the type of picky person that makes purchases on value and thats y i spent what i did on her center piece..

it would kill me upon proposing to be asked "what carat size and color code it is?" as if a number and letter really matters when they eyes are perfectly satisfied.. but I guess we'll see what happens. I still have much to do before its all done and before I get on my knee for her.

I really appreciate the responses, I know I write quite a bit and everyone has their own busy lives to keep up with.
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Ali de Bold
Has to make financial sense on May 27, 2014 @ 10:02 pm

It would be absolutely insane to spend $15 - $20,000 on the engagement ring if you make $50,000 a year. Insane. That's a lot to spend even if you make twice as much. I hope she has plenty of other redeeming qualities and that this obsession with the ring is only a small part of her personality.
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Petersgirl
Unrealistic on May 28, 2014 @ 05:11 pm

I am sorry but I feel your girlfriend is being unrealistic. The ring is supposed to be a symbol of your love, not a status symbol. It sounds as if you are head over heels with this young lady, but she has to step back and face reality. If you make $50,000 or less a year, you may not be able to afford the lifestyle she is going to want to live after marriage. You need to seriously sit down and discuss with this girl, what you want out of life, what she wants,what to expect etc. I wanted a large engagement ring, received one but we went together and watched for a good deal, and do you know after a few years of marriage I never wore the ring. Still stayed married but realized that to go to all that expense for something so materialistic was silly. Wish I had of realized it before we spent the money on the ring.
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