Do you take his name?


TashaCat
on Jan 19, 2012 @ 03:13 pm

How you do feel about changing your name when you get married? Do you change it back after you divorce if you have developed your career in that name? What do you think?

http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/What name brides returning custom/6015189/story.html
 

50 Replies


beautyinfinitum
I didn't on Jan 19, 2012 @ 03:24 pm

I didn't take my husband's name. Pretty much the reason why is because he might be changing his last name and I didn't want to change it twice. If he does change his name, I will take his or abbreviate mine. It's one of those things where changing it may or may not feel right for someone.
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ellstar
Nope. on Jan 19, 2012 @ 03:25 pm

My last name is crazy unique, I would never change it.
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Becky
no on Jan 19, 2012 @ 03:54 pm

My name is my identity and a legacy of my family... The way I see it is, I married the guy but I didn't give up who I am, why should I give up my name?

Too intense eh? .. my hubby and I talked about this quite extensively, so I'm a bit worked up about this topic! lol

I even went so far as to tell my hubby this: When we have children, their last names will be hyphenated. So lets say my name is Becky Jones and his name is David Smith, our daughter's name will be Alissa Jones-Smith or Alissa Smith-Jones (I prefer "smith-jones" cuz with our real names, it sounds better when my last name comes last..and no i'm not just saying that) :-) So when someone asks her what her last name is, she'll say "smith-jones" - as in both of those names combined is her last name. I think that's totally fair! HE however hated the idea when I first presented it, second conversation he's starting to see my way... I'm sure by the time we actually have a child he'll totally agree with me =D
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Empress_AliFu
... on Jan 19, 2012 @ 04:10 pm

Hmmm.

I initially wanted to keep my own name, no hyphenation, since I've done research and my professional resume with my own name is dear to me...so why change that?
That was also a time where I was anti-marriage.

Now, I don't mind taking on my boo's last name (his is actually much more efficient considering it's short and I sign my name 101 times a day). Also, it's a mix of just wanting to share in something he considers important.

If I were to get divorced, I really don't know what I'd do. I personally know two people who have kept their ex-husband's name because it's just a hassle to change back, esp since they've developed a life of 20ish years w/ his last name.

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TashaCat
You never can tell... on Jan 19, 2012 @ 04:28 pm

My very good friend is traditional, catholic and from an old-fashioned upbringing... I was sure that she would change her name... she didn't. My other best friend is the last of her name line... and very close to her dad who didn't have sons. She always said that she would keep her birth name.... until she married and didn't. These are women I know better than anyone... and still got it wrong.

There are a lot of dynamics/ thoughts/ politics in this decision! Empress has me thinking... there are practical aspects too - length of name, how long would a hyphenation be?, how much you like your intended's name, are your degrees, designations and career progress under one name or two?

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AlexJC
What's In a Name, Right? on Jan 19, 2012 @ 04:33 pm

My mother didn't change her last name (and I don't blame her, we have a very confusing, hard to pronounce Italian last name) but growing up, teachers would always get confused about who this woman was, singing forms for me with a different last name. It got pretty confusing so my mom actually started singing forms with my dad's last name instead. I think we live in a different time though, I don't think people would immediately be confused anymore.

As far as myself, to be honest, I don't really care either way. I suppose if/when I get married, I will decide then. For me it depends a lot on what his last name is and if it goes well with my first name too.
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giggles1972
Last name on Jan 19, 2012 @ 07:21 pm

I did not change my name and my husband is fine with it. I was too lazy to change so many documents.
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Empress_AliFu
... on Jan 19, 2012 @ 08:55 pm

@tashacat
After reading responses from you and others, this topic becomes even more complex. I truly don't know what I would do. I am not married yet - but if I were to get married tomorrow, I'd still be unsure.
Possibly the solution that would please both parties would be to hyphenate on medical or legal documents, but provide one name conversationally.
If both names are 10 letters though, hyphenating may be impractical.

good topic!
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beachbabe
Maybe I'm old fashioned on Jan 19, 2012 @ 08:56 pm

I took my husband's name and I was beyond thrilled to. We're building a life together. It could also be our upbringing - which is Baptist and Pentecostal Christians. It's not only the "norm" in our circles but we very much believe in the leave-and-cleave and two-become-one outlooks so it wasn't even a question for me. We're one unit so one last name.

To each his own!
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mamaluv
intensely personal choice on Jan 20, 2012 @ 08:43 am

The reasons to take a name or not take a name are often emotionally charged, as many of you have pointed out. Your family legacy, your professional identity, your feminism... the only reason I'd say is silly to allow to hold sway is "what if I get divorced someday?" I categorically do not allow that question to rule my life, because if you go into a marriage already thinking about your outs, then you're entering this relationship with one foot out the door. I know many would disagree with me and say we need to be realistic/prepared/etc. And that's a very valid point - just not one that holds water for me personally.

I took my husband's name and am not thrilled with the way my first and last name sound together. People are constantly misspelling it and thinking that it's all one word which is very annoying. But whatever...

I got married before my career had started, so there was no worry about losing a professional identity. In truth, if I got divorced tomorrow, I'd probably keep my married name because that is the only professional name I do have! -- but I'm not thinking that way, remember? ;)

It offends me when someone questions my Girl Power because I took on my husband's last name (no one here has said so - I'm speaking in general). I agree with beachbabe that for us, it was a vital part of 2 becoming 1. My sister and her husband both took her maiden name as a 2nd second name and his name as their surname (e.g. Julie Marie Smith Jones and John Henry Smith Jones); they only use their second names on their official I.D. and go by (his) surname in their day-to-day business. I thought that was a rather nice compromise.

The reason we chose not to hyphenate was so silly: I didn't want my future kids to have a complicated name and have trouble spelling it in school. That's also why my kids' names are simple and spelled in the conventional way. It's funny all the reasons you make such big choices: some are fundamentally important and others are very superficial.

Bottom line for me is that there are good reasons to go with either approach. It's very important to genuinely consider your fiance's feelings on the subject before you declare your wishes one way or another. "What's in a name?" Quite a lot, but there is power in making the deliberate decision to meld your identity under one name as an act of loyalty to your relationship, whomever's surname you pick.
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