Does a married mans porn preference reveal an underlying desire?


Anonymous
on Mar 09, 2016 @ 02:49 pm

I am hoping for some unbiased input about porn and a husbands preferences? I have noticed an increase in the amount of shemale porn videos being watched in my husbands history. They are amongst the regular videos that I have known to be a turn on or part of his kinky side however lately there seems to be more and more of them being viewed. We have always had a wonderful love life but I would be lying if I didn't say that I have absolutely been bothered by this and can't help to wonder if he may actually have gay desires or tendencies. Am not over reacting or do I indeed have something to be concerned about?
 

15 Replies


wonderwhatif
. on Mar 09, 2016 @ 02:55 pm

He could be bisexual or it could be nothing. Generally gay men would be unattracted to the 'she' part of a transgender person so I doubt it's that. The best way to get an answer is to talk to him directly without making it sound accusatory.

Often our fantasies do not coincide at all with real life as many people with a threesome story will tell you! For example, many survivors of sexual assault have non-consent fantasies that horrify them in real life. So I wouldn't worry too much.

However, definitely communicate your concern with your husband and have an open and frank discussion. I find this helps a marriage out to do every now and again even when there's nothing on your mind. Good luck!
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Anonymous
married? on Mar 09, 2016 @ 03:38 pm

I do not want to offend anyone, however I believe that when a man or woman exhibits a drastic change like this it sometimes means he/she is involved in another relationship or gravitating towards one.
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KrissiC
. on Mar 09, 2016 @ 05:21 pm

I agree with wonderwhatif. Quite often fantasies do not mirror a persons real life experiences or desires. If it's really bothering you, ask him about it, in a non-confrontational manner. Best to be open and honest in a relationship. Good luck!
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wonderwhatif
. on Mar 09, 2016 @ 06:18 pm

I disagree with dollysgramma. If he was cheating I think he'd be watching less porn! But that's just my opinion. Again the easiest way to find out is to talk to him.

It sounds to me like it's not that the porn bothers you, but that you just need a little reassurance that he's still interested in you, that you're worried that he has a need or desire you can't fulfill.

This is definitely something that can be overcome if the love is there!
Reply

mzvanessa
. on Mar 09, 2016 @ 06:52 pm

It's more than likely curiosity over anything else.

If you're worried maybe talk to your partner. Communication is absolutely important, even when it may be a bit embarrassing to bring up.
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canadarocks
porn on Mar 09, 2016 @ 06:54 pm

I guess he is just seeing the other side of porn and maybe he really wants to be a women trapped in a mans body
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prettyrainbow
. on Mar 09, 2016 @ 07:09 pm

It could be that it's something that he's never seen before and is curious to know how it works and is trying to understand what all the fuss is about. In any case, speak to him and let him know how you feel. Be careful though when it comes to judging him or making him feel fearful of actually telling you the truth. Encourage him and remind him that an honest and open relationship works best. You should definitely explain how you felt finding the videos or images and that you wouldn't want any secrets in your relationship or your sex life. However, you should also know your own limitations and what you feel comfortable and uncomfortable with. Would you still be okay with him watching this, or porn in general, even if he comes clean about it?

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ReviewStuffz
No. on Mar 10, 2016 @ 01:17 am

I'll bet he is just a bit bored with the run of the mill porn, I mean it's all so generic.
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rr126131
hmm on Mar 10, 2016 @ 09:31 am

It sounds like you have a good open line of communication already, I wouldn't shy away from that. Talk to him openly and honestly with as little judgement/accusation as possible. You have a right to express how your feeling just as he has a right to view any porn he is interested in. Not bringing it up is not healthy for you if it genuinely does bother you, and you wouldn't want that upset to shut down some of the lines of communication you have. I agree with @wonderwhatif in that I would think it was just a fantasy/phase he may be going through for whatever reason. If you are worried about being un-able to full-fill any of his kinky desires you both need to be completely honest with each other. There is no good to come from keeping anything in the dark when your talking about sex/sexuality with your partner.
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fly_eyez
Trust? on Mar 11, 2016 @ 04:37 am

I'm more concerned about you feeling the need to look at his computer history. To me that suggests issues with trust which is way more damaging than any kind of porn preferences or curiosity. Or maybe just pop ups? I say this only bc an ex bf would hide things from me all the time to the point that I started to look at his Internet history. And phone. And email. And yes he was cheating on me. My gut was telling me something wasn't right and it wasn't.
I am in no way suggesting he is cheating on you, just asking why you are looking. Do you feel something is off? Do you trust him?
In terms of porn, everyone has fantasies but it doesn't mean they would ever act on them. Some people, not just men, are curious about the same sex or transsexual people. And that's where it begins and ends - at curiosity.
Does he always watch porn without you or do you watch it together? He's your husband so I hope that you're comfortable enough to just ask if that's something that intrigues him - in a non threatening manner. Communication is key. No judgment, no anger, just two adults calmly discussing a sometimes sensitive topic.
If you find porn offensive or gross he may feel he needs to hide it. I would be upset if I felt I couldn't give my husband what he wants or needs, however, we are a monogamous couple so I know he would never act on any fantasies involving other people of either sex and neither would I. We would talk to each other and try to incorporate his or my desires / curiosity/ fantasies without being secretive or unfaithful. However, without trust, there is nothing, imo.
I suggest talking asap because it's obviously bothering you and none of us can tell you why he's watching it (or why it's showing up in his history). One last thing, maybe he wants you to find it. He's likely not dumb. Most cheaters or ppl who want to keep secrets delete their history.
In any case, good luck and I hope you are able to discuss the issue and resolve it to your satisfaction. :)
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