on May 02, 2009 @ 04:10 pm|
I'm 19&there is a 22 year old guy I've been talking to since November 2008 and we've only hung out one time. When we did I made the IDIOT mistake of having sex with him. Well I haven't done anything with him or anyone since then and he texts me almost daily. He always initiates the texts too; I hardly ever start our conversations. When we text it's always friendly and a little flirty. In December 2008 I told him that I like him and that I don't just have sex with guys and that basically I'm not a whore. He replied with "I don't think you're a whore at all. I'm flattered but I'm not interested in a relationship at all as of right now. But you're a very nice girl." It was understandable because he got out of a 2 year relationship in September or October 2008 where he was used and hurt. His ex was a very bad girlfriends. I felt rejected and left him alone, but he always texts me or messages me on myspace. He’s never asked me if I want to spend time with him or anything, though. Finally I brought up hanging out with him sometime around the middle of March 2009 since it seemed like he wasn’t going to ask me. He said that we can for sure the next time he's off, because he works quite a bit.
I then brought up hanging out one more time around the beginning of April because it had been a few weeks since I asked him and he never got back to me or mentioned it. He then explained that since he was going on vacation in mid April 2009 he would have to work the next couple of weekends to get those days off. But he then assured me that he wasn’t blowing me off and that we would get to hang out, but I’d have to wait 2 or 3 weeks. I haven’t brought it up again because I don’t want to sound pushy. I’m not even asking to go on a date; I just want to spend time with him and actually talk in person, because this texting thing is getting old. I suggested that we could see a movie or something and he said that sounds fun. I don’t know if he thinks I’ll pressure him to be in a relationship if we hang out. I understand he isn’t interested in a relationship right now, and I’m fine with that, I just think that if he’s texting me so frequently then maybe we should spend time in person and get to know each other. Sometimes when he texts me if I don’t text back he playfully says something like, “Fine don’t text back!”.
Does it seem like he likes me as more than just a friend? Should I wait for him to be ready for a relationship, or should I just move on? I feel like if I wait then he will see I'm worth it because I waited for him and I haven’t pressured him or pushed him. He's a nice and respectful guy and I know he isn't interested in just sex with me because he never mentions or implies it. When we text he tries to impress me at times and likes sharing his interests with me. I really do like him and I don’t know if I should move on because I’ve waited 5 months for this guy. Maybe it would be worth it to hold on longer and remain patient? Sorry it’s such a long question, I’m very confused.
|well on May 02, 2009 @ 10:59 pm|
It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. If he really and truly wanted to see you and spend time with you, he would make it work. He probably was being honest when he said he didn't want a relationship, and that is most certainly why he isn't pursuing any sort of get-together with you. Maybe what he wants from you is what he wants from his guy friends - a friendship that doesn't require too much from him.
If a guy were truly into you he would try to see you. It doesn't sound like he is intentionally leading you on, which is good, but don't read too much into his attentions- he probably just needs a friend right now. Going through a break-up is hard, and he may be craving some female attention without having to invest too much in it. It sounds like he genuinely likes you personally, but you obviously want more, whether it be as a friend or a girlfriend. You need to be honest with him. Guys don't always understand what us girls go through, the sexes sure do think differently! You need to explain that if he doesn't want to be a face-to-face friend then he needs to tone down the texting, as it is sending mixed signals to you. If he wants to keep you as a friend he will understand and try for a real friendship. However, if you for sure want more from him best to be upfront about it and save yourself heartache and him some confusion. From what you have told me it does not sound like he likes you in that way, but sometimes it is hard for people on the outside to tell.
I know it seems awkward, but asking him is the only way to really find out.
Ali de Bold
|I would cut him off on May 03, 2009 @ 05:31 pm|
He doesn't know what he wants, but he wants to keep you interested in
case he decides he wants to be with you. 'Busy at work' is not a valid
excuse to not see someone for 5 months unless he is the President/Prime
Stop responding to his texts/messages and see what happens in a week or
two. I'd be willing to bet he will start panicking when you aren't at
his beck and call. He will be forced to make a decision. Then you have
to decide if you still want to invest time in someone who doesn't know
what he wants.
You being there and waiting for him patiently isn't going to make him
want you more. It's going to make it too easy for him to carry on doing
what he is doing.
|Both ladies above... on May 05, 2009 @ 02:02 am|
...gave great answers. I think that Nessie is right that he is not interested but probably wants attention from a female. I think that misschickie is also correct, cut him off and see what happens...that way you will know either way what's up with the least amount of heartache for yourself. I hope it all works out for the best!
|i have something similar likes you on May 11, 2009 @ 03:58 am|
I have to agree with men wanting that female attention, because i have a situation like yours lol..but mine has more to it..i honestly think from my experience, they just want to keep you around and see whats going on with you and thats how far its going to get, and if he keeps moving the dates around to see you that means that there is a female in his life and doesnt want to make his life complicated with you in it...i would have to say he is not being honest, i doubt a guy cant make time for a girl to see her i think that is stupid especially when they blame it on their job....i guess just do your own thing dont wait around this guy because it is not going anywhere..and go along with the conversations he makes with you, dont sound interested in him, dont flirt and go along with whatever he wants to talk and thats the end of it and see where it takes you..
|Thanks on May 15, 2009 @ 02:18 pm|
Hey thanks for some of the advice. Yeah I've waited for him, and I feel as if I've been wasting my time. I mean I don't get this guy he will text me and send me messages asking how my day was and how my finals for school went. It makes no sense and I don't know if I should mention it to him again or just leave it alone. Like I said I never initiate any of the messages.
|awkward. on May 16, 2009 @ 09:42 pm|
hi, i kno this is realli awkward, but...the guy i dated...we broke up january 26th and started dated november 18th.....he had gone thru the same xact thing!...he had gotten out of a 2 yr relationship in sept. or oct. he was used and hurt. he loved her alot. his x b4 me was his first. and he works alot too. he is also 22. his birthday is april 6th. ..does this guy that u r talkin to by any chance live in CT?....................=\...............
|Finally! on May 17, 2009 @ 12:07 am|
No this guy lives in Arizona, but the situation does seem a bit similar. Well yesterday he finally asked me if I'd like to hang out tomorrow and go out to eat and see a movie. I'm abolutely thrilled! I guess that waiting payed off, but I won't make the mistake of sleeping with him again.