don't know how to get over things..


Anonymous
on Dec 09, 2010 @ 03:11 am

Hi,

so my issue is that after almost 5 yrs with my first ever real boyfriend. i find out that after he broke up with me last yr in November, he slept with someone "he knew", because he thought it would help him get over me. at that time we broke up for about a month. on Christmas night he texted me saying "he wanted to see me. he misses me and it doesn't feel right without me in his life." he always told me that no one would ever compare to me.

during that month of the breakup i was miserable. i honestly don't know how i got through my classes and finals..

he's my first love. my first kiss. first dance. first and only guy i ever slept with. 

i know we we're broken up. when this happened. but being with him for almost 5 years, all this time thinking it was only ever just me in his life. only to find out he slept with her only to try and get over me..he said it was only that one time. and the thought of him with her. touching her, kissing her, most likely making her feel the way he made me feel when we're together. i can't get the images out of my head.
even though we were broken up and its has nothing to do with me. i still cant help but feel betrayed. he said the whole time all he thought of was me. 

i broke up with him about 4 weeks ago. and he really wants me back, he's been asking one of my best friends how he can get me back. 

i dont know how to feel about this. this is my first time experiencing this and i dont think im dealing with it the right way. lol pls help me. how am i supposed to feel. how i get over this?.. </3
 


7 Replies


cathy3087
This is tough on Dec 09, 2010 @ 12:57 pm

Sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time. I think your feelings are very normal and it's okay to be hurt by this.

Honestly, I know that there are many people out there who start off with rocky relationships and then realize they are great together and live happily every after...but I also really believe that in many cases, if there was a reason to break up in the first place, then it's not going to work out in the long run.

Are you considering getting back together with him? Maybe you should try and put this particular issue out of your mind temporarily and try and evaluate if he is right for you in other respects.

Be strong! And know that if you decide to stay single - you will get over this eventually!

:)
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Ali de Bold
Why did you break up in the first place? on Dec 09, 2010 @ 01:25 pm

It's really too bad he did that. Obviously a bad choice on his part. But can you look past that for a moment and assess the relationship as a whole? Was it working? Why did you guys break up in the first place? That is what really matters. Is he the guy you want to spend your life with or is he just someone you love(d) a lot and you are afraid to be without him?

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jchang212
There can be excuses, but... on Dec 09, 2010 @ 01:32 pm

Like what Cathy said, there's definitely a reason why you guys broke up in the first place, and unless any of that's changed for good somehow, it's better to stay away.

I know when you first break-up, even a long time after you break up (sadly it took me almost 2 years to get over my ex), it's easy to only think about the good times and romanticize the relationship. You really have to stay your ground and remember why you broke up.

Sure, he slept with someone after you guys broke up, and it's easier for guys to "detach their body from their mind" during these moments that are supposed to be intimate, but it still doesn't justify him sleeping with someone else if he still has feelings for you and was planning on trying to get you back...

You never know, maybe you guys will be one of the few who can work things out and have a happily ever after. But before you consider that option, you have to have a clear and unbiased mind on this situation.

Good luck hun!!
Reply

SenianthaL
why we broke up?.. on Dec 09, 2010 @ 06:24 pm

thank you for your replies and advice..i really appreciate it. knowing im not completely wrong for feeling like this. he says its irrelevant to us now.

reasons i broke up with him:

1. he goes go with a group of girls, he says are just friends.
2. he drives around all night long with those girls, which i didn't even know about til later on.
3. he wont hold my hand in public. i really would like to feel like we're on a date or atleast together when we're out.
4. there's a history of girls trying to get with him in the past, including his ex and girls a few years younger than me. pretty much from the get.go.
5. he really doesn't consider my feelings when he's doing all these things when i'm not around.
6. finally he doesn't treat me like a gf anymore.

Reply

jchang212
WELL on Dec 10, 2010 @ 10:20 am

These are BIG reasons why. If he really cherishes you, he needs to make you feel safe and special... that's one of the foundations of a relationship I'd say. You might be in a break-up lull right now where it's hard to imagine yourself with anyone else even though your guy wasn't a true match. We've all been there! Stay strong girl :)
Reply

Ali de Bold
Maybe the breakup was a good thing? on Dec 10, 2010 @ 01:54 pm

I know you really love him and it's hard to turn that off after so many years together. But the reasons you gave are legit. In particular, #3 the fact that he won't hold your hand in public, #5 that he doesn't consider your feelings when you're not around and #6 that he doesn't treat you like a girlfriend.

Those are all consistent behaviors that will never stop bothering you. If he hasn't changed that in 5 years, he likely won't. Is the relationship worth enough to overlook all of that? If you got back together and that never changed, would you be ok with that?

I think you should accept how you are feeling right now and not worry about questioning it. Breakups are really hard. They're confusing, you second guess yourself and lot and often wonder 'what if'. Those are your emotions and they will come and go. Eventually you will be over all of that.

If you can, try to make a logical fact-based decision based on the kind of long term relationship you want to have. If you 'go with your heart' it will probably tell you something different than your head. I hate to say it, but the head should outweigh the heart here because you are vulnerable.

Stay strong!
Reply

SenianthaL
thanks so much. on Dec 10, 2010 @ 05:51 pm

thank you ladies for all your help, i'm feeling better already. =) i appreciate it.
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