Emotionally unavailable


Anonymous
on Mar 29, 2010 @ 05:21 am

i feel kinda silly even as i write this but i need some advice. i recently met a young man who is basically good on paper. he is quite handsome, intelligent and well off. however i have this feeling in my stomach that he only talks to me when he wants sex. his texts are full of sexual innuendos which make me very uncomfortable. i have told him that i think he is used to getting his way with women hence the reason why he never makes any effort. i have seen him out in the club and at least 3 women are fawning over him like school girls. sometimes i wonder am i being too judgmental? because from what i have seen this man is not relationship material. he is out to add notches to his bed posts. for example he called me thrice this weekend "to check up on me"..when he suggested we meet for a drink i told him i would be free in the evening as i was busy during the day. he left town for a boys road trip and didn't even bother calling to cancel.   whats the best approach in this situation?.
 


6 Replies


spotty
he's not going to change ... on Mar 29, 2010 @ 07:03 am

He's not going to change unless he wants to change. Try as you may to change him, unless it happens under his own volition, you will just end up hurt. It sounds like you want a serious and exclusive relationship w/ him. Unless you're open to only being a notch on the bed post, just cut your losses now.
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Ali de Bold
Not worth the effort? on Mar 29, 2010 @ 09:38 am

I think you are right that he sees you as a conquest. He needs to know that you are there, wanting him because it feels good for his ego. I've dated guys like that, and it's a complete waste of time. The fact that he asked you out, then went off on a road trip shows you how serious he is.
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Anonymous
Basically good on paper as long as you only list the positive things. on Mar 30, 2010 @ 06:12 pm

Don't forget to list his sexual innuendo filled text messages that make you feel so uncomfortable or the fact that he completely blew you off when something else came up and didn't bother to send you so much as a text message telling you he wasn't going to make it.

So far we have..

Good
Handsome
Intelligent
Well Off

Bad
Makes you uncomfortable with text messages. (how is he in person)
Doesn't respect you enough to inform you that hes going to blow you off if something comes up even if he was the one who initiated the date.

Now that we list everything i really don't see what the issue is here. You basically have yourself a good looking, intelligent, well off, jerk.
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Anonymous
Cliche on Mar 30, 2010 @ 06:23 pm

I almost forgot.. I would wager that the primary reason why you are interested in this guy is because there are 3 other girls allover him at the club and because he doesn't respect you.

Its a cliche and very very sad but we want the unobtainable just like men do. What better way to build our own self confidence then to conquer/change the man who isn't that into us? How dreamy would it be to grab his attention and make him fall in love and become the perfect man we imagine he already is? How sad it will be when in a month we realize he is still the same guy he was and wont ever become the heroic chivalrous character we plucked from our favorite book. Then we can sit around fabricating what took place and pretend it was only passion and fun and "we must have done something wrong" and thats why he left.

Put the brakes on. Hes beginning this relationship as a jerk and its not going to get any better.

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Anonymous
So True on Apr 08, 2010 @ 01:42 am

anonymous i think you got it spot on. this man is basically a well off intelligent jerk and i think the reason i have even given him the time of day is because i have been secretly hoping he would man up and change but i have realized he never will. so i have deleted his number from my cell phone and don't plan on even staying acquaintances with this man. this weekend i asked him for help with my car and he arrogantly told me to ask my brother. i realized that he is selfish and cant help others when there's nothing in it for him. and he makes me feel like he is doing me a favour by even gracing me with his presence. its high time i kept away from such men. thanx ladies!!!!
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mamaluv
time for you to be unobtainable! on Apr 08, 2010 @ 02:52 pm

Yikes, no kidding this sounds like a womanizing idiot. We often want bad boys who we secretly believe we alone have the power to change... hmm, not. I understand the attraction! Kudos to you for also understanding the huge danger here. I think you already knew the answer when you posted originally, but needed to hear it spelled out. Now it's your turn to be unobtainable and show him he can't fool you :)
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