Feisty teen

on Jan 06, 2016 @ 07:51 am

I have a teenage daughter, she's 14 and thinks she knows everything,when she was little she was always so sweet and obedient, now she rolls her eyes ,trys to sauce back and thinks I'm too strick because I get her to do a few chores (feed the cat and wash the supper dishes )Do any of you ladies have teenagers and If so how do you deal with confrontations? I'm just trying to be a good mom,having a teenager is all new to me.....

14 Replies

:) on Jan 06, 2016 @ 08:40 am

I don't have kids but I feel for you. I am sure raising a teenager is not easy. Best of luck to you

:) on Jan 06, 2016 @ 01:42 pm

Thanks ..,its a scary process

. on Jan 06, 2016 @ 02:46 pm

It definitely is not easy! My youngest daughter is now 16. I know what you are going through! My older boys (up until this point) were a lot worse with their behavior, but I think that may be a boy thing.

I get the eye rolling and attitude from her, but I call her on it. What I have learned is I say to myself "ok, is this worth a big fight with her?". I TRY not to sweat the small stuff. Hey, I am by no means an expert, but you try your best, hope you have instilled the proper morals into your kids, love them like crazy, but ultimately they will make their mistakes. We are here to help guide and catch them when they fall.

PS I am still learning as I go, lol!


avonjo on Jan 06, 2016 @ 02:56 pm

It's so nice to know other women know how I feel and what I'm going through, thanks for sharing

teens on Jan 07, 2016 @ 02:41 am

You are a good mom! Please don't feel as though you are doing something wrong by disciplining your child during this stage in their development. This is the age where rebellion starts kicking in and peer pressure has them behaving in ways they never had before. In a way, it's sort of like their toddler years when they were testing the waters and trying to figure out their identity.

When I taught 6th grade, some of the parents were starting to see this change in character and would often ask me for advice, much like you described. The main thing I told them to remember is that you are their parent, not their friend. They have enough friends in their life but what they really need is someone to guide them when they stray from the right path. It's very tempting to say yes to your child because you want them to like you and this is where it can go wrong. It's also very tempting to yell at them in order to scare them off of the idea or behaviour they presented you with. This is also the wrong approach.

The key word here is "guide". You want to lovingly guide them and respectfully discuss the situation with her. The tricky thing with teens is that they can quickly get on the defensive when they feel cornered or intimidated. The best way is to make it into a conversation where you want them to actively think about whether or not what they are choosing to do is right.

For example, she asks you if she can dye her hair blue because all her friends are doing it. Ask her to tell you how she would feel if she could dye her hair. Take her feelings into account and say, "I bet it would be really nice to feel and look the way your friends do. Do you feel the color blue is appropriate for school? What would your teachers and principal say if they saw you with blue hair? As your mother, I feel that you are still too young to be allowed to dye your hair this color. You might not like how it turns out and it isn't a color for school. Since you are still a minor, my job as a parent is to protect you and guide you. In the meantime, how about testing out a new haircut or a natural color and when you are at the age where your father and I think you are ready, you can decide how to color your hair. We can go to the drugstore to look for hairstyling magazines or check out some natural hair dye colors or highlights that are appropriate for your age. What do you say? Should we plan a trip? We can also look for clip-on, colored extensions online. You can wear them at home, but you'll need to remove them when you go to school. How does that sound?"

If she still insists, keep firm but calm and repeat the rules. Make it clear there are some things you will not negotiate. Then ask her, what she thinks the consequences should be if she goes against these rules. Should she be allowed to dye her hair at all? Should certain privileges be taken away?

If she decides to yell, tell her that when she speaks to you politely and calmly, you can discuss this further, but until then, you will not address the question. Make it clear that in your household, you make each other feel respected and loved. That means no yelling from either of you, otherwise you'll lose each other from the start.

There's a big difference when it comes to disciplining versus punishing your child. You don't want him or her to feel cornered and you want to encourage a healthy discussion. The child needs to know they can come to you for anything and not have to go behind your back or listen to a peer's wrong advice. Thank them for coming to you with whatever it is they need to talk to you about, so that next time, they'll know they can always count on you to listen.

Good luck with this! If you have any other concerns feel free to ask!


chores on Jan 07, 2016 @ 02:49 am

Same thing applies to chores. Make it a conversation and help her understand that in your home, you cooperate and have responsibilities, just like she would have at school. Ask her if there are any chores she really doesn't mind doing and which are the ones she really dreads. Then negotiate a schedule together where you can maybe vary the tasks so that she doesn't feel like the weight of the world was dumped on her shoulders, but is still expected to help out.

Prettyrainbow on Jan 07, 2016 @ 05:27 am

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice ,I appreciate it very much, I will definitely try what you suggested

Teens on Jan 07, 2016 @ 12:31 pm

Don't have kids either but feel for you. Especially girls kinda scary when they get in their teens and start dating. Serious business for sure....

teens on Jan 07, 2016 @ 10:31 pm

Well I actually am a teen so I don't know how exactly I could be of assistance other than the teens POV. My mom and I are very close. Sometimes it's hard and stressful and I get angry for reasons I don't even know. I don't always like doing chores but who doesn't? My mom always saves time for me at the end of the day to talk and she always makes me feel wanted and that I matter. I'm sure things are the same with your daughter. Teen girls are difficult and we know it. But we always need our mamas, even if we try and hide it:)

teens on Jan 08, 2016 @ 05:46 pm

That's such great advice Sydneyfaith_r! You're very lucky to be able to communicate with your mom in the way you described. Our moms are always our rock and I'm glad you've realized this. :)

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