| 55 Replies:
Anonymous
| Question on Feb 20, 2007 @ 12:52 pm
Madison, you are right, in that sense.
The question is (to everyone): what if he found that kind of stuff on your computer?
I know some women are probably thinking, "oh women don't watch porn." But trust me, I know tons of women who would get off on male visual stimuli. Do you think he wouldn't care, or do you think that he would be just as hurt?
Do you think that it is fair to say that "men are just wired differently" for an excuse to watch it? | | Reply | | 
apothenajen | I buy the porn! on Feb 23, 2007 @ 11:11 am
What's the big deal? Although my husband doesn't really have a stash, we sometimes get a Playboy depending on who is featured or we watch "boobie movies" on Cinemax. Once for my birthday he got me a Playgirl. lol. but that was a bit much. too many schlongs! I'd rather see boobs.
But he's not the type to look at this stuff by himself or for long periods of time. Neither of us can stand the hard core stuff. We're very open about this kind of thing, so its something we can do together. I think that is what's important. There is no secrecy. When we're out, he can point out hot chicks to me and it's fun. Because he knows he is lucky to have me, and that he has no chance with anyone else. ha! | | Reply | | 
spotty | boobie movies! on Mar 17, 2007 @ 03:24 pm
Hahhaha, boobie movies! That cracks me up. I think apothenaJen has about the healthiest approach to this topic. She and her hubby work about the same way my and my bf work. The key is just to be honest with yourself and your relationship. Quite honestly, 99% of all men out there have (or at some point had) porn. Finding a guy out there who dislikes porn is some slim pickins!!
My bf is sitting right here and I asked him how he'd feel if he found a stash of "girl files" on my compy. His reaction was "COOL! You like porn, too!" Honestly, he can't be mad, its something he embraces, too.
I agree w/ Madison. Pick your battles. Porn isn't worth it. Be comfortable w/ yourself, your sexuality, and your relationship. Be honest and all will be well. | | Reply | |
Anonymous
| Men admitting to porn.. on Mar 17, 2007 @ 03:35 pm
Some guys won't admitt that they watch it though. How can I get my man to be honest about this with me? | | Reply | |
spotty | just be frank on Mar 17, 2007 @ 06:34 pm
I think you guys have a very open relationship he should be willing to share that part of his life w/ you (share, as in tell you). He may be reluctant b/c of your stance on porn. If he knows you don't like it, of course he's not going to come clean. If he knows you don't like it but you prime him w/ a willingness to accept and move on, that's a good start. But you're not going to get him to own up if you're going to lecture him the minute he says "Yes, I watch porn." | | Reply | |
Anonymous
| Accepting porn is healthy? on Mar 18, 2007 @ 01:29 pm
I have to say I don't agree with those of you who think porn is healthy and as long as you talk about it, it's all fine and good. What I don't get is, why are you ok with your bf fantasizing about having sex with other women? Would you be ok if you found him getting off on a picture of an attractive coworker of his? How is that any different? Unless he is getting his jolies from a cartoon character, it is a real person. She may be 99% plastic but she is a living breathing human being. It's mental cheating if you ask me.
Aside from that I think it makes men expect women to behave like a porn star in the bedroom and that's not what sex should be about. Maybe I sound like a prude, but I try to take good enough care of myself that he will focus on me and our relationship rather than looking elsewhere. I expect the same from him. | | Reply | | 
madison | cheating? on Mar 19, 2007 @ 10:50 am
I think that is putting way to much pressure on physical attractiveness. The connection I have with my boyfriend is emotional, about the things we say, how we live our lives and interact with each other on a day-to-day basis. If we were doing it 24 hrs a day, that yeah, I might compare my relationship to that of his porn, but hopefully, that isn't the case for anyone. I just don't believe there is any relation at all between porn and reality, and I DON'T think that porn - as you said - can be compared to real life. Sure they're real women, but how many of you have got it on with three other chicks and a remarkably large dude? It's not going to happen - which does indeed relate it more closely to cartoons than reality as I see it, or how I believe he sees it. Given the option, I HIGHLY doubt my boyfriend would rather have sex with one of them over myself. I doubt the thought has even crossed his mind, which I think is the line between harmless fantasy and cheating. Needless to say, its a very grey line, and depending on your philosophy on reality v. fantasy (or even if that is okay to begin with), its got a wide range of placement.
Initially, I took offense to the poster above me stating that in her opinion, what I believe is okay, is something she defines as cheating. I just think that the term cheating should be reserved to something of much more significance than looking at other girls.
Obviously, that is just my opinion, and I am quite aware that my definition is probably much more liberal than some. | | Reply | |
madison | do-over on Mar 19, 2007 @ 10:55 am
Okay, so now that I've had a few minutes in my real world, It just sort of hit me in the head how offensive I got about that, and how it is so totally not a big deal. And I'd like to apologize for taking that much further than necessary. | | Reply | |
Anonymous
| Mental cheating on Mar 19, 2007 @ 01:33 pm
Madison I'm not offended at all. What I meant by mental cheating is that while he isn't physically cheating, he is mentally with another woman on some level. I realize my point of view is a lot more conservative than most peoples, but I think that when you indulge your fantasies mentally there is a stronger chance you'd act on those impulses in real life.
I'm sure you have a great relationship with your bf and same with everyone else here, I just wonder why we women are accepting of this in general? I don't think it is as common or acceptible for women to look at porn and my theory is that;s because we'd feel dirty doing it - yet if our guy does it, we're ok with it.
I'm not trying to change anyone's mind, just clarify what I meant. I came across this thread recently and was really surprised at how accepting everyone seems to be about porn and I thought, that's really too bad. | | Reply | |
apothenajen | To each her own on Mar 19, 2007 @ 08:47 pm
I know this thread has taken a more serious tone, but I'll try to keep this as light as possible. It really comes down to the individual. Too much of anything can become addictive and detrimental to any relationship. It's all about finding balance in our relationships and keeping the spark alive.
I don't know about you, but I will admit that there have been a few times when I was "with" someone else mentally. It is understandable to get bored with the same things, so sometimes you need additional stimulation from a fantasy guy or girl (oh Keanu! j/k). Denis and I have been together 9 years now (omg). He's not going anywhere. And neither am I!
When I was a little younger (late teens/early 20s) I thought letting my guy look at a Playboy was totally wrong and dirty. I remember how I couldn't believe his brother got a Playboy subscription as a gift from his girlfriend (now wife). Times have changed!
Either you like adult entertainment or you don't. Of course, I'm talking about lighter fare, like Playboy and no-crotch-shots Cinemax movies. Hardcore stuff is gross - if that's what he's in to, then good luck sista. We saw a couple movies like that and I had to close my eyes through some of it. I couldn't even look at the screen. eeewww. | | Reply | |
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