| 60 Replies:
ali-de-bold | Wooo! on Mar 20, 2007 @ 09:05 am
Serious indeed! Great thread guys! Whomever started this topic, um, please post more!
It's great to see a conversation going here even if not everyone shares the same opinion. In fact, better that there are so many different points of view. | | Reply | | 
spotty | porn means different things to either sex on Mar 20, 2007 @ 04:32 pm
I think what women generally miss re: porn for men is exactly what it means. For men porn is not meant to replace you, or to upstage you, or to change who you are to him. He's w/ you b/c he wants to be w/ YOU. For men, porn is fantasy. Everyone has fantasies. That's natural. Just, for men, b/c they are generally far more sexually driven than women, these fantasies are about sex. We, on the other hand, fantasize about shoes, money, or spending sprees. Porn is an equivalent fantasy for men, its just touchy b/c of its sexual nature.
I don't think its fair to deny a person their fantasy. I'm not going to strike up a wall of rules around my bf and force him to live by my way or the highway. I know what he's about, know what makes him tick, and respect that. I've shared this forum topic w/ him and direct from his mouth he said "a man is more likely to act on his fantasy if he's denied it. Quite frankly, a fantsy is JUST THAT, a fantasy. Why would I ever want to live it and experience it? Then its no longer a fantasy!"
In regards to a previous comment, I do not feel as though my bf is getting his jollies from another woman. Yes, porn stars are real people. But who he sees on the screen is a character, an actor, not a truely defined person. He doesn't KNOW her. On the other hand, the corollary example was how I'd feel if he got his jollies while looking at a picture of a co-worker. Yes, that is a problem for me. She is also a real person, but he KNOWS her and has daily interactions w/ her.
So, back to the main question, would I be upset if I came across his porn stash ... NOPE. I already know he's got it! No big deal. Keeping secrets just doesn't work for us. | | Reply | | 
artist | Today on Dr. Phil... on Mar 20, 2007 @ 08:39 pm
Funny how I was watching Dr. Phil today and the whole episode was about married men who were addicted to sex. These men would watch porn all day, come home during lunch to watch more porn, subscribe and spend $1000s on it, and constantly used this "sex addiction" as their excuse for doing it.
One man was probably one of the worst possible husbands you can ever imagine. This man lost countless jobs because he was unable to work, he would use sex chat lines all the time spending all of their life savings. It does go farther, he cheated on her before with an ex, used prostitutes and strippers for not only lap dances, but other means.
And he was completely open and honest about it with his wife, who was hurt, angry and depressed over this. But yet, she still kept on forgiving him because she loved him.
So how much it too much? Okay, people say that porn is just a fantasy. But for some men it's not. It takes over, and they use it as an excuse for their behaviours "All men watch it... " Yes, okay I know that men have more visual fantasies than women do and I can understand that.
I'm a woman and I personally do not fantasize about shoes, money or spending sprees. But I can say that I think the reason why some women find porn wrong and offensive is because it involves other people. Even still, if you are fantasizing about shopping sprees well, that doesn't involve anyone but you spending money. | | Reply | |
ali-de-bold | I saw that too on Mar 20, 2007 @ 11:01 pm
It totally reminded me of this post! Obviously those were extreme cases, but like someone else already pointed out it all starts somewhere. That goes for any addiction though. This is a tough subject forsure. | | Reply | | 
mamaluv | a slippery slope on Mar 21, 2007 @ 09:26 am
I see where artist and misschickie are going here. It's like with drinking or having the occasional hit of pot. NOT that I blanket condone any behaviour! I just want to illustrate the difference between fiddling around with naughty pics or a few drinks or whatever, and the addiction aspect.
Unfortunately, many people cannot see themselves sliding from occasional use into a full-blown addiction. I have heard some define addiction as that point where you think about it almost constantly and feel upset/sickly if you can't have it at least once daily. If you or your partner can limit this stuff to a "once in a while" thing, then that probably means you are doing ok (again, leaving the morality question aside for now!), but when it escalates, that is a big problem.
Having said all that, I still think porn is objectifying and certainly not for me or my husband (at least, so I shall declare)! | | Reply | | 
fittaz | Level of comfort on Mar 22, 2007 @ 01:33 pm
I'd rather have my bf be honest with me, than me having to find out on my own.
Sometimes guys watch porn because it's funny, it's so unrealistic, the girls are all made up and have plastic surgery to look the way they do, and there arn't any real feelings involved. It's acting.
They might also watch it because things that get them off, their partner isn't willing to do for them, and they know its just a fantasy, so it's really their only option other than cheating on you, which is worse! It's just a guy thing. Guys need the visual if they dont have that great of an imagination, I mean how many girls read love/romantic/sexual novels out there, does it mean when you read those novels that you arn't happy with your relationship? No, it's just a fantasy, to get out of the daily life routines of paying the rent, bills, grocery shopping, or kids. And it really comes down to how close a couple you are.
I know he watches porn, and sometimes he helps other guys by downloading porn and sharing the files just to get the movies (real movies, like Rush Hour, etc) he wants, because thats how file sharing works, you do something for someone and they do something to help you out in return. And hey, I read naught stories, so.. lol. And he knows because I tell him.
We both look at same and opposite sex's. Say if he's like that girls hot, I'll be like yea she has a really great ass or boobs. And he'd do the same if I mentioned something about a guy that walks by. Or he'll point a guy out that I didn't notice, or I'll point out a girl he didn't notice. But we find each other attractive, it's just animal instinct to look, and having pictures of sexy guys or girls is the same. My guy is a boobman, big deal if hes got tons of boobs in his laptop. I'll share his interest, and he'll share mine, but its all just what you can't have.
All it comes down to at the end of the day is how much you trust each other, and how secure you are as an individual and how secure you are as a couple. On the other hand, as mamaluv said, theres a difference between addicted to these things, and just a puff here and there. If he's way into it, and you guys aren't making love, or cuddling then theres a problem.
If any of these three things are missing from your relationship:
Intimacy (affection, sharing, communication, support and trust),
Passion (High sexual arousal, falling in love), or
Commitment (decision to stay together, to love each other)
then theres something to work out.
As mamaluv also said porn isn't for her or her husband and thats fine, different people or couples different perspectives, and therefore different opinions and relationships. It's what you guys are comfortable with, make it a win/win situation.
I mean wouldn't this world be boring if we were all the same, and there were no problems to deal with. Nothing would grow, or change.
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spotty | Yikes on Mar 23, 2007 @ 11:14 am
Yeah, that Dr. Phil couple sounds like an extreme circumstance. That dude's got some addiction problems. No matter what the subject of the addiction is, it (in this case, porn) is not to blame. There are some deeper problems. And the lady, she seems to have some serious self-esteem and dependence (on him) issues. I hope they can get the help they need. | | Reply | |
spotty | panda porn on Mar 27, 2007 @ 03:55 pm
I realize we've beat down this topic, but when I read Yahoo! news today, I about spit out my lunch. The title of this article simply made my day!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070327/ap_on_sc/odd_panda_porn | | Reply | |
artist | I saw that in Toronto Star! on Apr 01, 2007 @ 01:31 pm
I read that in The Star yesterday, lol it was too funny. Who knew porn could be educational? Unfortunately, it hasn't been working! Poor panda, I don't think he realizes that the fate of the species lies on him!
A good movie to watch about porn for education is The Girl Next Door. Yes, it's an immature teen sex movie, but they bring up great messages about sex, love and porn. I saw this movie first when I was a teen and I was extremely immature and innocent about porn at the time. I actually found it to be quite educational and funny.
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mizzrobin | Yikes! on Apr 02, 2007 @ 07:04 pm
I just started reading through this thread. I am not sure where I stand on this one. I guess it depends on the two people in the relationship, the trust in the relationship etc etc. | | Reply | |
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