Friend asked if I am in love with him


Anonymous
on Aug 03, 2009 @ 12:27 am

If you have the time for a quick story I would appreciate an objective opinion...

 My best friend (I should note that he has a girlfriend) and I have known each other for many years and I have always seen him in a purely platonic light but many of my friends have pointed out repeatedly that we don't act like 'just friends'.  Recently this has been pointed out more and more, making me a bit preoccupied.  While we were out a few nights ago he briefly brought up to his brothers the one time it got 'awkward' between us, aka the one time we kissed, this among other comments made me really feel like I should say something so I called him when I got home (we had been drinking but were not drunk).  I told him that after people suggesting so frequently that we act like more than friends and with the way we have been getting even closer recently (which is hard to do since we pretty much have no boundaries in our relationship) I was becoming worried over things potentially getting awkward between us again, and the possibility of that messing up the relationship we have.  When I told him what I had to say he said he knew what the conversation was going to be about and that just that night his brother asked if there was/is going to be something going on between us.  After talking a bit more he then asked if I was in love with him, since I was surprised by this question I paused for a second trying to figure out how to politely say no, however before I could answer he said that my hesitation meant that I was in love with him.  I ended the conversation shortly after that because I felt like it wasn't going anywhere.  The next day I clarified to him that although I do love him as a friend, I am not in love with him.  Although we then agreed to just forget the conversation and go on like normal, things have definitely been weird between us as we haven't even spoken the past few days.

 Long story short I am confused.  First of all I am still surprised by his question since I don't think I have ever acted like I am interested him in a romantic manner and secondly, I don't understand why things would still be weird between us (we normally get over things very quickly).  Anyway, I don't think any of my friends can provide an objective opinion and I have gotten everything from 'he thinks you are in love with him' to 'he is in love with you' in response to the situation and I don't know what to think/do, any opinions are welcome.  Sorry for the long story!
 


2 Replies


Anonymous
Pandoras Box on Aug 03, 2009 @ 01:30 am

You said you kissed him. Thats acting like your interested in him in a romantic manner. Most men think the girl at the drive thru is interested in them because she says "can i take your order". Since you kissed him.. you pretty much started the ball rolling as far as him assuming you want him.

You should take a look at how you interact with him. Are you flirty when your drinking? Hello cheek kisses? Touchy feely with him? Laugh at all his jokes?

You opened pandoras box with the kiss.. you need to back off from him so he gets the message that your just friends, stop spending any time with him and forget him as a friend or do nothing and continue to let him think you want him.

How does his girlfriend feel about you two talking on the phone? In my opionion hes cheating if hes on the phone with you asking you if you love him. He crossed the innocent conversation line. So if you have any romantic ideas about him.. keep in mind he doesnt have any respect for whoever he is dating.
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Anonymous
you have a point on Aug 03, 2009 @ 07:20 pm

Thanks for your input.

 The kiss was over a year ago under odd circumstances and at a time when we were both single.  In regards to how I act with him, to me I act towards him how I act with any friend male or female, I don't think I am flirty, if anything I just act comfortable/at ease since I just act naturally.  And as far as I know the girlfriend doesn't have a problem with me, although I have been an issue/source of tension for his previous girlfriend.  I agree with you about him crossing the innocent conversation line but i do also have to say that he has honestly never cheated on a girl in the past and would never, that is just something he is very much against which contributes to why I was taken aback by the question, aka, it is not something he would ask lightly or without thinking of consequence.

 I have to admit that the options you put forth (backing off from him or continuing with him thinking that) are the options that I have thought of myself.  I have been leaning towards the first one and haven't spoken to him since the day after our conversation, still it sucks because this is exactly what I was trying to avoid by talking about it ahead of time, I just wish there was a middle ground.
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