Friend might be dating a loser...


Anonymous
on Aug 27, 2009 @ 03:23 pm

I'm posting this as anonymous just in case she ever reads this...

One of my bff's is dating this guy who we all thought was very successful because that's how he marketed himself. I say this because this is his profession - he puts on events for companies. When she started dating him she noticed a lot of this was just a facade. He's for sure a good talker. Anyways, maybe 2 months into their relationship she took out a loan because he was in a lot of debt. He owed a few people some money and needed to pay his rent. She ended up paying not only for his rent, but for his food and everyday expenses. She lives almost an hour a way and he lives downtown and she's always the one visiting him. She's definitely bent over backwards for him.

so now she is left paying this loan back plus still taking him out to eat. she's very unhappy and always tells me if it weren't for the money thing they would have a great relationship. I know self-employed businesses run into issues like a rocky economy can hurt a business but I don't think it is the responsibility of the girlfriend you've only been dating for a couple of months to help you get out of that hole! She has a heart of gold and doesn't want to seem like she is giving up on the relationship because things are "rocky". It's been 8 months now and the whole thing has been rocky! I've told her indirectly to cut her losses but now I think I just need to say it straight out. She told me if I told her to break up with him she would. I don't want that responsibility and it's not up to me. Plus, she has a history for asking for advice and doing the exact opposite so I've learned that she needs to make the decision on her own.

I told her to leave him when she first told me about the loan but then she ended up staying with him which is kind of awkward. Should I say something again? Is it my place? What would you do?
 


5 Replies


Ali de Bold
Ouch! on Aug 27, 2009 @ 04:23 pm

If this were my friend I'd tell her you don't feel comfortable taking responsibility for her breaking up or staying with him, but this situation is bad news. Even if she is happy to pay his bills and go into thousands of dollars of debt, he has demonstrated to her the following:

- He feels comfortable using her
- He has no shame/conscience. He should be supporting himself without her help, even if that means quitting the dream and getting a full time job.
- He is in denial about his situation. His business is not successful if it relies on her going into debt to pay his bills. It's not like they share the business and have decided to take a risky plunge together. She is his 100% investor with no hope or promise of a return ever.
- If he feels comfortable taking advantage of her like that so early into the relationship how would he make a good husband or father? What does this say about his character?

I totally understand the passion of starting a business and wanting to make it work, but using your girlfriend/boyfriend to foot the bill is 100% unacceptable.

Ask her how into the hole she needs to go before she cuts her losses? How long after the breakup does she still want to be paying for him? These are not the challenges she should be facing in an early relationship. Brutal.
Reply

Anonymous
great advice! on Aug 27, 2009 @ 06:43 pm

All good points and great advice! I just read on FB that he bought a
wool scarf - on sale of course...how about putting that towards paying
your gf back??
Reply

Agaphmou
USER! on Aug 29, 2009 @ 08:19 am

Of course they get along well if not for the money? how else can he keep using her if he doesnt get along with her? He is a total scam artist.He will use her until her money runs out,but unfortunately if she can't see that,you can't force her to break up with him.If she paid all this money for him and didnt get a promisory note she might be out of luck cause it might be seen that they were in a relationship and they were gifts,not a loan.I would try to have a long talk with her,reason with her.

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Anonymous
Ummm... Hes a loser.. on Aug 31, 2009 @ 03:40 am

Ummm.. for richer or for poorer happens after your married not before.
Reply

Anonymous
Thanks guys! on Aug 31, 2009 @ 09:31 am

I agree - they're not married so she should cut her losses. going to see her next weekend so hopefully the conversation will go well!
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