Ali de Bold
on Mar 17, 2010 @ 12:10 pm|
Our relationship section is often about getting advice when things go wrong, but I think it would be great if us marrieds could share a few tips on what works for our marriages.
My tip would be to go on dates as often as possible. If you are purposeful about going out and doing something fun with your spouse at least once a week you will be less likely to feel like roommates. We both work insane hours, but if one of us suggests going to Golden Thai for dinner or going to Balzacs with a book on a Saturday afternoon, we almost always do it.
This morning before he left for work, he snuck a little note in my bag, which I thought was really sweet.
What works for you?
|My Marriage Tip for a Happy Marriage on Mar 17, 2010 @ 01:19 pm|
Breathe. Then breathe again. Smile. Say "Yes, dear"
|Intimacy is the one-way ticket for two! on Mar 17, 2010 @ 02:28 pm|
Intimacy has always been the key to a successful marriage. Who doesnt enjoy good loving from their significant other? We still have a little one so, we dont go out on dates as much as we would like to but, we still manage to plan mini getaways to renew the woo. This gives us a chance to spend quality time with the family while saving money and enjoying each others presence in a different environment.
|COMMUNICATION!! on Mar 17, 2010 @ 06:03 pm|
good communication is KEY!!!
Don't ASSume that your spouse knows what you are thinking, what you need, etc. Make sure you tell him/her-and don't be nasty about it!
One thing that I really <3 about my husband is that he will make me talk to him about things that are bothering me....not to the point that he is cornering me and forcing me, but he makes a point to sit down and have conversations with me. I like that-it lets me know that he is paying attention!
It's nice to know that you have a partner-someone who will listen!
|Don't beat around the bush on Mar 17, 2010 @ 07:14 pm|
This goes along with communication: if you want something, ask for it. Don't beat around the bushes and expect your partner to read your mind. They don't read minds nor can they read minds. You only get yourself frustrated in the process. And if they guessed and guessed wrong, then you are disappointed. So be honest and be clear. You'll both be happier. :)
Also, pick your battle and let the little things go. For example, if your partner has a habit of being late, then tell him to show up at 6:45 for a 7:00 engagement. Work with him. But if you absolutely can't stand it when he talks with a mouth full of food, then be honest and tell him he needs to improve his table manners. Tell him how much it bothers you and slowly work on it. Remember, bad habits are hard to break, so gently guide that your partner along until he sheds the bad habit and develop the good.
I think people are capable of change, but the change has to be gradual and it will not happen overnight. I find that if I nudge my husband along little by little, he will eventually stop doing the annoying things, at least stop doing them around me. I also find that I need to learn to let the little things go and try not to let them bother me too much. I have to consciously tell myself this is not worth the fight, so just take a deep breath and let it slide.
|Talk it out on Mar 21, 2010 @ 03:28 pm|
My tip for a happy marriage is to always communicate your feelings with each other and never go to bed angry. Listening to and understanding the concerns and thoughts of our partner shows them that they can turn to us for anything. Offer them support when needed and it will surely be reciprocated. We get what we give.
I also suggest that we make our partners feel loved and needed on a daily basis. Intimacy is probably one of the most important ingredients to a happy marriage and it will only get better if we communicate what we like and don't like.
|A couple on Apr 09, 2010 @ 07:24 pm|
Forget the world "should" or "supposed to" because the world does not work how we think it should.
Also, relationships cannot make you happy. You make yourself happy.
|R-E-S-P-E-C-T on Apr 10, 2010 @ 07:47 am|
Aretha got it right: a solid relationship requires respect. Follow the Golden Rule - Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You.
Don't insult, degrade, maliciously gossip about, cuss out, manipulate, or mentally/emotionally/spiritually/physically abuse your spouse. Think of your marriage/relationship as a business or sports team - how far would you get if you hurled insults and swear words at your teammate or coworker?
My husband and I have had our share of rough patches, and goodness knows we've made our share of mistakes. But we have never called each other "bastard, b*tch, f*ck you", etc.
Don't fight dirty and don't manipulate like a bad Days of our Lives extra. Disagree in a respectful way, even if it gets a little heated.
If you have kids, consider their tiny ears listening to everything you say. Provide the model for them that you as a parent wish for them to experience later in life.
Don't avoid confrontation, because that will lead to other problems.
DO put on your big girl panties and debate your points respectfully.
Be open to the possibility that you are in the wrong, or at least that you may be operating on different assumptions.
My tips won't guarantee a happy, healthy marriage, but they sure have worked for us - 15 years and going strong!
|Great thread!! on Apr 13, 2010 @ 12:51 pm|
And perfect timing too..! I just got married so this thread is really inspiring and helpful.
I don't have any 2cents to offer at all, but I'm an avid reader so please keep the advise coming! :-)
|Yes to all the above. on Apr 27, 2010 @ 04:46 pm|
Sometimes, when my hubby is driving me bonkers: I stop, take a couple breaths and ask myself- what do I really want to get out of this? Usually, all I want is to be calm and happy, and whatever we're arguing about isn't so important. When I've figured that out, its always easier to talk to him. This takes respect and patience- intimacy and regular date nights help!
|Made it a year on April 10th, 2010, very hard but heres my advice... on May 01, 2010 @ 11:50 pm|
We had A LOT of unnecessary problems when we got married.... and it almost destroyed our relationship.
We ended up seeking a counselor and I started seeing maybe why my husband made the mistakes he did, of course they weren't very serious mistakes, but after everything adds up... it really tears a woman down. I started acting more maturely and talking to him like a friend, not a naggy wife like I normally did.
Seeking professional help and finding the RIGHT person to help you two when things very rough helps. We wouldn't of made it I don't think even though we did/do have a lot of love for each other.
Check our this book called The Five Love Languages, this helped so much...
Some things I took from it that helped us a lot...
Always listen, when your husband/wife is talking to you... don't be petting your cat... or watching tv... twiddling your thumbs. Give them your full attention... doing something else makes it seem like you're not really interested. If you give them your full attention, they will know you really do care about what they have to say.
Also, actively listen... not just sit there and go "uh huh... yep... I agree"... add to the conversations like you're interested or trying to understand what they are truly talking about. My husband has a heck of a time doing this and it drives me crazy. I loose my patience when I feel like I'm talking to a wall; but he's getting a lot better.
Compliment or encourage/appreciate your loved one on a daily basis. Even if you're angry... just say "hey thank you for taking the trash out, I appreciate it" or "you look really nice today". Change it up, appreciate them. Because you're suppose to be their biggest fan, through thick and thin... once they start noticing you do this... they will want to do it more and more and enjoying life a little more. Which makes your relationship easier to work on when both people are happier and feel appreciated.
My husband loves hearing me approve of something he does or wants to do. He gets so excited when I say "you did a great job" or "I think you should do this, you'd be great at it". It wins me extra kisses and a happy man!
Do something your spouse/partner enjoys is major... I had the chance to live in the state of Washington while my husband was in the Army... well I was a biiiig Twilight fan for a while, they had filmed the first movie in Oregon and we happened to be close to where it was filmed... he actually mentioned taking me over there and finding the filming locations. I got to see the actual home, a parking lot scene, the book store, and a loooot more. I was soooo excited and shaking. And I felt so great that even though he didn't probably enjoy it as much as me... that he was enthusiastic about it and was pointing things and taking videos and pictures with me. Then a couple weeks later we took a trip to Forks, La Push, and Port Angeles. I loved him so much for that, if was selfless of him.
Also he knows I enjoy getting massages, so he'll rub my arm when we'll watch tv... or rub my back if I look like I'm in pain. It really lets me know he does love me because he wants me to feel good!
Even if you're tired.... give into the physical part a little more than you decline it! My husband is not as sexual as myself and while he was in the military he'd work such long and stressful hours that he'd be tired and I understood that... but I felt so lonely hearing my husband say "I'm not in the mood... I'm tired" almost every time I'd try to touch him... I didn't meant to feel this way but I started noticing other men checking me out in public, and I enjoyed it. I felt guilty but it was a little high I got seeing that another man enjoyed my body because I felt like my husband wasn't. I never cheated on him or thought about pursuing anyone's advances... but it pushed me away and I felt unwanted and ugly. So if you have this problem or you do this with your spouse... give in a bit more, because when my husband started to, it let me know 'he wants me even when he's tired... I'm worth the loss of sleep!' and I stopped noticing other men again. It brought us a lot closer.
Most of all... be honest... trust your instincts... be selfless... treat your loved one like you wanted to be treated -but ALSO think of ways they maybe wanted to be treated that could be a lot different than how you want to be-...appreciate the small things.
I'm only 19, and have only been married for a little over a year; but hearing these things from multiple people including my parents and my grandparents who are all still married and happy... I figured its worthy giving the advice a try... and using it....and spreading it to other people too. Myself, I believe that a lot of people give up because they haven't tried some of the things I listed out... and it's really too bad.
Hope I helped =]