Haven't said I love you to each other yet?


chic101
on Dec 21, 2012 @ 06:21 am

I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year now. 
We live together. 
We have a good relationship. 

It's just lately I want to say those three words but I don't want to say it and completely mess things up.
Is it really messed we haven't said "I love you" to each other?

How long before you said I love you to your partner?
 


7 Replies


takoda
Its should have happened a long time ago! on Dec 21, 2012 @ 08:57 am

Way before you even moved in with him. I know I wouldn't wanted to sit back and wait to hear those words for a whole year and I definitely wouldn't have moved in with someone that can't even tell me his true feelings. I think you need to sit him down and have a talk with him. Ask him what are we doing here? Do your truly care about me, or did you just want someone to help out with the bills and get special benefits on top of it? Am I just a room mate to you or do you love me and want to carry this relationship farther?
I'm sorry if that sound harsh to you, but I think you put the cart before the horse when you moved in with your boy friend when he can't even say I love you. Something doesn't sound right and before you get hurt any more then you may already maybe feeling, you better set things out on the table so you both know where you stand in this relationship.
Oh and before you start thinking I have something against anyone living together, I don't. I've lived with my guy for 26 years and we're very happy this way. Marriage isn't for everyone, but neither is living together. Good luck.

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AlexJC
Say it on Dec 21, 2012 @ 10:06 am

Every couple is different so this is a hard question to answer. What works for one couple doesn't necessary work for another so I don't think you can say yes or no definitely to this question. I do think that Takoda is onto something when she has that you should know how you feel about someone before you move in together but I actually think that just because you don't say it, doesn't mean you don't feel it.

If you want to say I love you, and that's important to you, then I think you should say it but you should know before hand that he might not say it back right away. It doesn't mean he doesn't or won't but he might not be there yet. Again though, it will bring to the surface an important conversation that you should have: where is it going? Are you on the same page? While it might not give you the results you wanted, at least you'll know that he wasn't the right one.
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mamaluv
it is a little bit strange on Dec 21, 2012 @ 10:42 am

Every couple is different, as Alexjc said. And just because something is "normal" for most people does not mean you have to do the same.

Having said that, I do find it a little bit strange that you haven't said I Love You even though you've already made the commitment of moving in together. This is not a small step.

At this point, you've probably crossed a line where having NOT said it by now makes it weird to say it so much later. I would be quite surprised if your BF does not feel love for you unless of course things are starting to get a little chilly.

If you feel it, say it. If that ruins your relationship, then you have to ask yourself what kind of relationship that you've been in for a whole year cannot handle the "L" word? That's an unbalanced relationship that perhaps needs reevaluating.
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Ali de Bold
Hmmmm on Dec 21, 2012 @ 12:42 pm

I agree with Takoda. He could be shy but you guys are living together. That conversation is definitely overdue!
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chel
Hmm... on Mar 06, 2013 @ 01:49 pm

I think it's a little weird, but that's only because society makes saying "I Love You" SUCH a big deal. Saying it and actually feeling/experiencing it are two very different things also. People say "i love you" all the time buy don't actually mean it. I can see where you're coming from though, not wanting to mess it up, but if you say "i love you" i'm fairly positive he'll say it back! It's been a long time and you guys live together, so just go for it. And esp if it's important to you and you want to do it.
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Ali de Bold
My friend just went through this on Mar 06, 2013 @ 01:58 pm

She has been with someone for 3 years and up until about a week ago, neither of them had said it. She finally just came out with it and he said it too. Now they say it to each other all the time. It was just shyness and awkwardness on both sides.
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mamaluv
After a certain period of time... on Mar 06, 2013 @ 02:50 pm

@Ali - 3 years? that's crazy!

Not including relationships in special circumstances (LDRs, etc), most people "know" after a certain time if they are in love or not. If at 6 months or more you're still unsure, then that means the answer is "no".

Maybe it's because I don't like dancing around the bush, but if my guy wouldn't say it after a certain time, I'd ask him outright or consider breaking up. Yes it's true that too many people throw around the "L" word too easily and without true conviction, but that doesn't mean the phrase is antiquated and no longer necessary.
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