on Feb 01, 2010 @ 07:08 am|
I've been dating my boyfriend for about four months now. Everything was great. I mean Everything. We had a great time together and could be together for hours and when we would part it would be as if i had never seen him at all i missed him so much. This was the perfect man i mean Im not going to continue telling you about the happy moments when all i have to say is the word perfect and pretty much summed up how everything was. So ofcourse we were together on new years eve. It was just him and I relaxing we had some champagne we cook dinner together. It was getting close to midnight maybe about an hour away. We were talking and eventually started arguing. It eventually lead to me saying what are you gonna do hit me? go ahead hit me. So then he slapped me. I was shocked I didnt think he would actually do it. Our new years eve was ruined. I did not speak to him the rest of the evening. I was intoxicated and so was he so I didnt wanna drive home and everyone I knew was the same way so I stayed in the other room. In the morning he apologized he was crying he said he never did anything like that before and never would again and he was sorry. I forgave him because I believed him. Last night he had a buddy over and they had a few beers. I went to bed because i didnt wanna deal with the loud routy guys. He woke me up a few hours later he was drunk and we started to argue. I said i dont wanna talk right now and as we were talking he was fiddling with my keys. After i said go away i dont wanna talk while youre drunk he said whatever and as he exited the door he tossed my keys and they hit me in the face pretty hard. I started crying saying u hit me in the face and all he could say was i didnt hit you i didnt hit you. i got up and as I was gathering my things all he was saying was i didnt hit you over and over and im like cant u see the mark? so I left. i know he didnt mean to hit me with the keys but what upset me so much was he didnt even come to me and say oh im sorry it was an accident. or comfort me. it was so embarassing. i have a sore mark on my forehead now. I care about him. i always promised myself i wouldnt put up with a man who did something like this but here i am almost feeling like im overreacting. what do i do? how should i feel? am i overreacting? i havent spoken to him since it happened. thanks for your help...
|Get out now on Feb 01, 2010 @ 09:36 am|
These are huge red flags and I think you need to get out now. Just
because someone is drunk when they lash out isn't an excuse. Even if
you are shouting at him and making him upset, that is no excuse to hit
you or throw his keys at you. He should be able to control himself and
if he isn't, why would you endanger yourself by being with him?
I was in a relationship like that once and I ended up with a huge goose
egg on my head when he threw me into a wall. He later swore up and
down he had never done anything like that before and came crying after,
but at that point I knew better and realized I would be a fool to stay
with someone like that. You are only 4 months in. Move out, move on
and take some time to sort out how you got into a relationship like
that in the first place. It's also an opportunity to work out your own
issues and figure out how you can be part of a future healthy
|leave on Feb 01, 2010 @ 11:18 am|
Without a doubt in my mind I'd leave and never talk to him again. He will know it was because he hit you. If he can't figure that out yet another reason to leave. He might appear nice at times, but deep down isn't the person you want to spend your life with. Who would want to live in fear of being beat up again? Imagine if you had kids some day - how could you not live in fear for something happening to them. And unfortunately you'd probably end up blaming yourself because it's human nature.
|You deserve better on Feb 01, 2010 @ 02:50 pm|
No one deserved physical abuse. No one. You said you would never put
up with someone who hits you. You said that when you were thinking
straight and rational. You should listen to your rational, sensible
self. You already gave him one chance and he blew it. He doesn't
If intoxication is what triggered his violence, then it'll likely get
worse in the future. What if he's so drunk that he completely loses
his sense, he can accidentally kill you. By then, it's too late to
So leave him. You've given him the benefit of the doubt, you've given
him a second chance. You don't owe him anything. You have to protect
You deserve better.
Ali de Bold
|This can only get worse from here. on Feb 01, 2010 @ 03:30 pm|
There is no point trying to save an unhealthy relationship and abuse should be a black and white issue for you. He's done something twice now. Twice too many. Get out now and don't look back.
|thanks so much!! on Feb 01, 2010 @ 03:52 pm|
thanks a bunch ladies!! I cant believe i was actually feeling bad for leaving and thought i was overeacting. i needed to hear all of this again thank you
|Drop him like hes hot on Feb 01, 2010 @ 08:49 pm|
Him throwing the keys towards you. = Him throwing the keys at you. He
threw and then hit you with those keys. Just like when he raised his
hand and smacked you. He made those choices.
And this is during the beginning of the relationship when there is no real drama or baggage.
What happens when you have a couple of kids and they learn that its
okay to hit women because daddy does it to mommy and she seems to like
it. I know how foolish that sounds but its not because im being silly,
its because thats how foolish it is to stay in that situation.
Here is a simple way for you to gauge whether or not someone is treating you right. Write it out on paper like this.
"bob smacked me in the face" "bob threw keys and hit me with them in the face"
Now replace the word ME with the name of your daughter or mother or
sister. Replace the word bob with their boyfriend or husband. Do you
think its acceptable for your daughters boyfriend to do those things to
her? Then why is it acceptable for bob to do these things to you.
The reason we can immediately say "are you crazy" when we hear a story
about someone else but we will allow our own selves to take the abuse
is because we are good at making excuses and living in denial. We cant
imagine and make beleive that everything is ok with our daughters and
mothers and friends because all we can see is the reality of whats
really going on. But with our own relationship we can turn "him not
hitting me today" into "things are much better".
We instinctively send bad thoughts to the trash bin and file happy
moments right up front. Thats why people continue to make the mistake
of going back to their ex only to find they are exactly who they were
and the memories of why you left in the first place start flooding in.
Life is short, if you get nothing else out of it......you must demand
and command respect from everyone who wishes to be part of your life.
You dont want a man who is smacking you. You want a man who you can
look up to and respect. If you dont respect him, your children wont
respect him and they will not respect you for choosing to be with him.
Sorry for the rambling. My mother chose a loser and i don't have respect for her because of it.
|MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE on Feb 02, 2010 @ 02:26 am|
As hard as it may seem.. you know what the right choice is. If someone is doing this early on in a relationship you should feel lucky to see his true colors and not waste more time on him. Let him go & find someone you deserve! If someone really cares about you, they will never hit you NO MATTER WHAT.
|Run for your Life on Feb 03, 2010 @ 03:14 am|
sweetheart...trust me as Ali-de-bold said...things will only get worse from here. my abusive relationship started the same way...he was sweet and charming and attentive..but i ignored all the red flags....he would drink and use it as an excuse to verbally and emotionally abuse me. he was smart enough not to hit me because he knew my family who have him arrested after they run him out of town. i kept longing for his "sweet side" to re-appear and be the man i once fell in love with. but as time passed he got worse. he would even force me to have sex with him when i wasn't in the mood, lie to me and cheat..and i stayed with this man for 3years. it cost me my esteem and some good friends who couldn't bear seeing my life go down the drain.
all we can do is advice you. at the end of the day its your decision. i have just began living my life and i realize now how i deserve better than a man who cant deal with his own insecurities so he makes someone else think less of themselves. and believe me he will come back countless times asking you to take him back,...
my dear..run...run..and keep running......Someone out there is waiting to meet you and make you one happy lady... so don't settle for crumbs when there's a awhole chocolate cake waiting to meet your needs.
|Leave on Feb 10, 2010 @ 08:59 am|
Leave is the only decision to make. And it sounds like he could use some counselling in regards to his drinking.
|maybe it's just me but... on Feb 10, 2010 @ 08:47 pm|
When you antagonize someone in an argument with words like "what are you gonna do, hit me? Go ahead, hit me" then I feel like you needed that slap. *(Please note that I DO NOT excuse physical violence in any relationship. ever)*.
Why would you ever say those words to someone? You need to be careful of your emotions and the things you say to another person. What if he said that to you? I find that there has been a big lack of respect (mostly on his side) and that needs to be addressed.
I only say this because I feel like running away might not be the best in this situation. As both of you are adults, you need to sit down and talk about this. I recommend doing it without alcohol involved and as try to stay calm and neutral. As soon as you see him starting to get riled up and angry then you know it is time to pack up and move on. Then you know for real that he just isn't going to be right for you.