hello...need help


faisal
on May 01, 2010 @ 03:34 pm

first im a boy...sorry for invading you girls area but i need an advice from a chick point of view
my relation with this girl happened  entirely on the net (never met in real life but we exchanged photos)

in brief she added me and said she was free for hookup and there is a boy bothering her on the phone bla bla bla and she wanted me instead and she said that after three days of the relationship
days went on and i have graduated and after six months ..i...i kinda said bad things to her ,,,but i was provoked ...i kept coming online every DAy just so i can see her image and talk with her , i even painted her name in graphiti style on my table

then she said that her parents is forcing her to merrry this guy ..so i disspaered after heavy argument and then she called me saying that she misses me and she said buy me a ring im gona merry you but after three months she completely removed me from her msn contact list and never replayed to me again

ps : she disappeared right AFTER she knew that i graduated...

im confused what is going on with her is she was gona leave me after gradaution then why did she do that me ?......
 

13 Replies


Anonymous
Power off your PC on May 02, 2010 @ 02:41 am

Since your a boy my advice for you is to power down your PC and walk outside. There are plenty of girls your age mucking about looking for a boyfriend. Leave online dating to older people whos lives are so busy they barely have time to breathe :).

Your relationship over the internet feels real but its fabricated. There is no real substance to it. Thats why its so easy for her to say marry me one day then delete you from her contact list the next day. You two know nothing about each other. What could you possible be arguing about having never met here?

You two have NOTHING to argue about. Since you are arguing this early in the relationship i can promise you that nothing good will come of it. So power down your PC and walk outside. Summer is here.. enjoy it while it lasts.
Reply

faisal
easy said then done on May 02, 2010 @ 05:01 am

easy said then done,,,,this PC is my only contact with her and im afraid of doing that
Reply

Anonymous
Your missing the point on May 02, 2010 @ 01:54 pm

Im saying that because your PC is the only contact with her.. its not a real relationship so its time to turn off your PC and go meet someone in real life.
Reply

Anonymous
Reality check on May 02, 2010 @ 02:03 pm

I'm going to be harsh here, but I think it's necessary because it seems like you're in desperate need of a reality check.



1) You have never actually met this girl in person - how do you know
she is who she says she is? Chatting with someone online and exchanging
photos does not equal a relationship by any stretch of the imagination.



2) She was never really "with" you and therefore can't have left you.
Again, a "relationship" that takes place entirely online without ever
meeting in person is not one based on truth or reality by any means!



3) It seems to me like she's just messing with your head and has no
actual interest in being serious with you. If she wanted to be with
you, then wouldn't the two of you have met in real life by now? That
doesn't make sense.



4) What kind of person says she's going to marry someone she's never
actually met before? Not the kind of person anyone should be with, in
my opinion!



5) I agree with anonymous #1 - turn off your computer and take a step
back from this girl. Cut off all contact with her, period. What you
have is not a relationship and in the time you're wasting sitting on
the computer typing to her, you could be out there in the real world
meeting real girls. Stop wasting your time!



I know, easier said than done, as you clearly feel some attachment to
this person. But think about it logically - why are you wasting your
time with someone who you've never met, probably never will meet, and
is messing with your head? You deserve much better and I'm confident that
you can do much better!
Reply

cathy3087
Time to Move On on May 03, 2010 @ 02:21 pm

I have to agree with the above comments. Meeting people online is fine, but you simply cannot have a real romantic relationship with someone until you meet them in person! How can you even be sure that she is who she says she is? Or that the pictures that she sent you are actually of her? I also believe that it is impossible to really know someone just through msn and emails -- people act and speak differently in person!

Plus, it doesn't sound like she is treating you very well, so I really think that it is time to busy yourself until you move on. Of course it is easier to say than to do, but I am certain that when you meet another girl (face-to-face) who treats you right, you will forget all about your current situation.
Reply

faisal
here is the problem on May 03, 2010 @ 04:53 pm

i totaly agree with you guys but here is problem

i live in a society were dating and interacting with girls is forbidden, and both girls and boys cant actually date or talk with each other freely
why dont i ignore this ?
well its a small country and everyone knows everyone ,,,,if a girls talks a stranger then there is a big chance that that her parent would know about it
its either one of her relatives or a friend of her relative saw her talking or flirting with another guy
another thing it can destroy her image or credibility (men may not propose to her knowing that she talked with other men before because they cant grantee what she actually done with these guys ) i know its crazy but that's how it is
i know its different
your only way to talk with a girl freely is that your proposing or asking for directions in a college
OR talking to some from outside this country
Reply

Anonymous
Save and move on May 06, 2010 @ 04:22 am

Save every dollar you ever make and move out of the dark ages into modern civilization.
Reply

satojoko
A situation like this is very difficult but............ on May 07, 2010 @ 01:35 pm

It can be handled.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I'm assuming that you're probably around or over 20 years of age as you said you graduated from college. And which country do you live in?

I understand very much about you living in a country like that. I'm Canadian but lived in a country that is primarily Muslim for more than 10 years. So I've seen the way society operates in a situation like that. Ignore people who say 'Move out of the dark ages'. They obviously understand very little or nothing about how it is to live like that.

I also do know, however, that if she really did love you and had some courage, she might try and make it possible for the two of you to get married. Then again, she might be afraid to do so, dependng on how her parents treat her. But is that what you really want to do? Get married? Make sure it is before you go any further with this. If it is, is there any way you can find out where her parents live? If there is, try and approach them and tell them you love their daughter and want to marry her. If you're afraid to tell them you 'met' online because it might get her into trouble, just tell them you've seen her somewhere and are interested in marrying their daughter. No need to mention love in that case, as they will question how it is you fell in love with her if you've never met. Are you financially prepared to get married? If you're from a country like that, I'm going to assume you've got to give something of value to at least the girl, if not her parents as well.

The other thing I want to ask you: are you sure this girl loves you? Or is she more concerned about finding a husband who has money? Could that be the reason why she asked you for the ring right away? To check if you had enough money to buy her one? How much do you really know about this girl?

I'd also like to say, I got married while living overseas, to a Muslim man, and we initially met on the internet. Yes, we obviously did end up meeting in person (after about 2 months of communicating online and on the phone) but we had to lie to his family about living together before we got married, simply because I told him that I would not get married to him unless we lived together first. Hell, we even had to lie about visiting each other during my vacation from work. Had to also lie to the hotels we stayed in during my vacation.

I insisted that we live together before getting married because I wanted to make sure we were suited to each other and that we were compatible. In order to make this happen, we also had to lie to the entire neighborhood about being married, wear 'wedding rings', and I even had to make up false papers which said we were married in a different country. If we hadn't done this, we would have had an angry, machete-wielding mob on our doorstep, ready to kill us. Literally. I also know that, because we were willing to go through all this just to be together, we really did/do love each other. If we could make it through that, we could make it through anything. In the end, we did end up actually getting married, with his parents'/family's blessing, and everything turned out fine. His entire family was very accepting of me. BUT had I been a local woman from that country, our neighbors and my local parents would have made it absolutely impossible for us to live together. It would have been an entirely different situation. Or had his family NOT been accepting of me, we very well may NOT have been able to get married. Or at the very least, had mu husband ignored what his family said and had we gotten married in a situation where his parents did not agree with the marriage, my husband probably would have been disowned. He WAS prepared to do that, but I'm grateful that he didn't have to choose between his family and me.

If this relationship does not work out for you and you find the societal rules of your own country too restrictive, you could consider moving and working overseas. Europe, Australia, Canada and America are options. Although America is quite paranoid towards people who come from Muslim countries. Are you Muslim, BTW? Your situation sounds familiar to me because my husband's family is primarily Muslim. Anyways, it would then be much easier for you to meet somebody who is compatible with you and where you wouldn't have to worry about being able to interact with women with more freedom, in public. You could go on proper dates, spend time together having lunch, dinner, seeing movies, etc. Things which probably aren't possible in your own country. You do have a college education, so that would definitely help in being qualified enough to get a job overseas. It's something to think about, anyways :-)

For those people who think this situation is messed up, at least have some respect for other cultures, as they do exist, and try to understand that not everybody lives the way you do. Your culture is not the be all and end all of the human race either. Western culture and civilization have many problems of their own. MANY. So don't be too quick to judge a situation you know nothing about. Do some traveling and LIVE in another culture for an extended period of time and try to wrap your head around that before being so quick to judge. For a lot of people living in countries like this, it is perfectly normal and a very good way for men and women/girls and boys to 'meet' on the internet, simply because of their societal rules. It allows for more freedom in communication and to get to know each other. What might seem insubstantial to you is actually a very important part of their way of interacting and getting to know each other.

Reply

Anonymous
Hmm on May 07, 2010 @ 04:07 pm

"They obviously understand very little or nothing about how it is to live
like that."

Since he is breaking these rules and looking for ways to circumvent them is it safe to say he obviously understands very little or nothing about how it is to live like that? Or is it that he doesn't agree with the rules?
Reply

satojoko
??? on May 07, 2010 @ 05:46 pm

I actually didn't say anything about rules being circumvented. Of course people are going to try and circumvent dictatorship-like rules. They always do. In every culture, be it Western or otherwise. We seem to naturally want to do the very things we are told not to. Yet that is a completely different topic.

The point is, people who simply say 'get on a plane and leave your crazy country' are of no help at all and show a level of ignorance. People who would say that also don't take into consideration that as difficult as living in his country might be,10 to 1 he still loves it, loves his culture, and wouldn't leave. Not to mention that the guy's entire family and life long friends are there. Would YOU just hop on a plane and leave your entire life behind simply because it was difficult to meet guys/girls, whatever your thing is? To simply pull one sentence out of the entire thing I wrote is like pulling one sentence out of a book and making a judgment on it based on that or saying 'the author meant bla bla bla' when you haven't read or put the rest of it into context.

He may or may not agree with the rules of his won society. I have no way of knowing that. Better to ask him, if you really do care to find out. I'm guessing he's having a hard time living by all of them to a tee. It would be difficult for anyone, born there or not. So what's the point? So, what if he disagrees with the rules or is trying to circumvent them?? Doesn't mean he doesn't understand them. To understand and like/respect are two different things.

And I'm still curious as to which country he lives in.
Reply

Leave A Reply

Title:
Your Reply:
 

 

Join Our Newsletter

Stay in the loop for the latest news, contests, deals and more!