on Apr 27, 2010 @ 08:21 pm

Over a year ago, i slept with my fiance's EX close friend.. we were so drunk it was not funny.. i barely even remember anything.. but i could never tell my fiance.. im scared this secret will come out by mistake. we have always been faithful, & i can never tell him.. i don't know what to do with the guilt....

7 Replies

Ali de Bold
tell him on Apr 27, 2010 @ 09:17 pm

I think it's unfair to your fiance to marry him without him knowing the truth. He may end the relationship with you when he finds out, but if you were him, wouldn't you want to know before committing your life to someone? The worst thing would be for him to find out from someone else.

Guilt for you means selfishness from your part on Apr 27, 2010 @ 09:42 pm

Don't tell him. It's not worth the pain it will cause both of you. If the only reason you want to tell him is because YOU feel guilty, it would be selfish. As long as you know that it was a complete mistake, and it was not something that happened because of any secret feelings, I say that you leave it be. You are getting married, starting fresh. Think of the best and worst case scenarios and establish whether it would be worth it to chance either outcome if you're still riding on guilt.

Selfish? on Apr 27, 2010 @ 10:51 pm

I don't agree with beyourbestself. I think it's selfish to walk down the isle like everything is fine when your husband to be thinks you've been faithful to him. You're not allowing him to make an informed decision.

come clean on Apr 28, 2010 @ 12:27 pm

I agree that you should tell your fiance the truth. The truth usually finds a way of coming out, so you should really be the one to tell him.

If you want to rid yourself of the guilt, there really isn't anything else you can do but come clean.

Please tell your husband... I was lied to by my husband and it hurt our relationship! on May 01, 2010 @ 11:21 pm

You need to tell him if you plan to marry him. My husband with held a loooott of things about his past, mostly before me... that he lied and hid... they eventually came out and not on his terms. We spent our first year married in counselling, heartbreak, and arguments. It was not fun... and we barely made it.

I would of rather known before we got married; we could of worked it all out or decided to not continue the relationships with no legal ties... but once you're married... everrrything changes and you have to kinda stick it out and work on it.

Marrying someone is being committed and honest. If you can't be honest, you shouldn't marry until you can be. It was obviously a mistake, you're only human... but do the right thing!

Good luck hun!

Uh Oh on May 02, 2010 @ 02:28 am

That crap about being drunk is BS and you and everyone else who uses it
as an excuse knows it. You don't hang out with your significant others
friends and get so drunk that your sleeping with them unless you wanted
to before you opened the first beer that night. Be glad you didnt get
pregnant or an STD. Those 2 things are much more difficult to navigate
because you cant keep those secrets.

Before you bother reading the rest of this you need to ask yourself "am i really sorry about what i did or just sorry that i might get caught".

If you tell him you will continue to feel guilty and any trust you have built between the two of you will be GONE. Period. End of story. The only thing that will happen if you tell him is you will have done the honorable thing. But you will still be miserable and now he will be miserable.Your relationship will suck forever.

People say "you can work thru it". Total nonsense. His day will be consumed with thoughts of you and his friend. Everything you have ever said or done good or bad will suddenly be overshadowed by suspicion. He will think back to a day your phones battery was dead and think "i bet she was cheating". Every time your an hour late getting home "shes cheating". It will ruin him and you. Life is to short to waste a year or two trying to patch up a relationship that will always have that broken trust hanging over you. You made a mistake.. your suffering already.. no point in spending your life miserable.

This is straight dope advice here.. take it or leave it. If you have told 1 other person then forget about it because its already over. But if you have kept this secret to yourself (not your bff or your sister or the cat or whoever) .... If you want to marry this man then you take this secret with you to the
grave. If word ever gets back to your guy because the guy you cheated with has told someone (you can bet he has told everyone that knows you and your guy) then deny deny deny. Make it his word against yours and stick to your guns. You will win the battle between fiance and ex best friend.


Adding.. on May 02, 2010 @ 02:33 am

The reason i said to forget it.. its already over.. if you have told one other person.. is because its completely disrespectful to have shared with your family and friends that you have cheated on the guy your going to marry. While hes sitting there at the dinner table at holidays smiling and happy they will be thinking "what a fool" or "if he only knew".

Again.. life is to short to be caught up in drama like this. Suck it up.. dont do it again and hopefully you can find someone else that makes you happy one day.


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