on Mar 18, 2010 @ 12:21 pm|
What do you do and how do you feel wen your husband/boyfriend looks, peeks takes at least a quick look at someone else, her body with you being beside him..? I can't find my confidence no more, I hate myself and my body. I don't say it cause of being fat, I'm the opposite, I'm pretty thin and I wish I had more curves, I would love to get breast implants and I wish my husband would think of me as a hot woman and mom. For him hot women have curves. I don't understand him why he has told me in the past that he loves my body but never considers me hot. Being a woman you always wants to feel good and hear that your beautiful from the people you love specially your partner and even after having kids. I feel so plain and boring that I don't want to show him my body or even have sex. It really turns me off. It kills me in the inside, all I could do is cry and I don't understand why it's got to be this way. I just wish he would think of me and tell me I'm a hot mom. Why can't he think of his own wife all that and be all up on me wen we're out not just at home. There's times I can't stand the pain so I stay quiet cause I don't want to speak to him or not even see him, all he's going to say is I'm tired of you accusing me!
I need and want help, I want to talk to someone. Is there a website I can go to or something that can help me with my low self esteem and marriage problems for free?I feel angry with my husband and I haven't talked to him since Sunday night. He doesn't even bother try talking to me either like he don't care about my feelings. I don't have insurance yet.
If your a guy reading my post I would love to hear and know what you guys think, I'm trying to understand my husband but I just haven't been able to. I want to know why men are the way they are and think, see different.
|your loosing yourself on Mar 18, 2010 @ 03:28 pm|
I think the quality that every man seeks is confidence in a woman. The way it seems though is that your not confident in yourself. No body is perfect and not every one has the money to hork out thousands of dollars to perfect themselves. The fact of the matter is, every one wants what they can't have. You ether live with it knowing you did what you could do to make yourself happy, or cry over it until you've realize that your lost everyone around you including yourself. Im sure other woman look at you and wonder how you've had a baby and yet still manage to have such a banging bod. Quit being so hard on yourself. You need to learn to love yourself before expecting others to.
|typo on Mar 18, 2010 @ 03:29 pm|
whoopsie. I meant Losing*
|wow on Mar 18, 2010 @ 03:30 pm|
Im terrible today arnt I? haha don't mind my Engrish.
|spending time together on Mar 18, 2010 @ 03:53 pm|
I've slightly felt what you felt not so long ago. I would be constantly reminding myself thinking I'm not good enough and that our relationship was going down hill. I felt helpless and didn't know what to do with our relationship. What I've gathered in my psychology classes, it is important for couples to touch each other to keep the intimacy. Touching can me stokes on the arm, hugs, holding hands. Simple little things like such keeps a relationship longer. Also quality time together to break free from the stress like a date every week to keep the flame going.
After thinking of what I've learned, I realized that my relationship was lacking exactly that. We weren't intimate anymore and we were so stressed with school that we totally disregard each other because of our busy lives.
Maybe you need to find that flame again. Do what you used to love doing with each other, bring out that honeymoon phase again. I believe your lack of confidence is coming from the lack of passion that you guys have for each other. I, too felt the same way when my relationship was poor. I hated my body, I hated myself. But I tried finding the flame again and it worked. Sometimes you just need that down time to spend time together, to have fun again. I know it sounds lame to not love yourself first but I think it's because of the pain of the relationship that's bringing everything you feel down. Hopefully trying to find that happiness would have a lighter perspective on things.
Though, once you feel that your husband is taking you for granted and not treating you right, that is where the line crosses. If he's disrespecting you and isn't willing to work things out, then you should realize that you're much more than what this man might think of you. Power and confidence in a woman is sexy, find that beautiful you again!
I hope everything works out for you! xoxo
|Be #1 on Mar 21, 2010 @ 07:51 pm|
I dont care if you look like a monkey with a turtles feet.. he chose to be with you because hes attracted to you. What has happened though is that you have lost confidence in yourself and he is picking up on it. You have to get that confidence back with a "my way or the highway" attitude. His bouncing rubber neck is always looking around at other women because he feels like he has conquered you and he now is in search of a new challenge. You have to STAY a challenge to keep him chasing you.
When you catch him looking at women don't get angry.. start looking at attractive men and pay no attention to him. When a guy says something to you when you are out engage in a conversation with him. Remind your man that if he doesn't want to pay attention to you that there are billions of other men who will.
Some people call it passion some call it drama but i call it the chase. Its human nature to pursue something better than we already have. The reality is that "better" doesn't exist and its an assumed preconceived notion we make up in our heads. If he thinks you are the "better" he will chase you. If you are the quiet insecure mousy mommy he will think of you as a task that has been solved and he will direct his attention to other women. Its time you remind him that he didn't win you and he doesn't own you. You are choosing to let him be there and if he doesn't show his appreciation for the gift you have given him (full access to super sexy woman) then you need to kick him to the curb.
My advice would be to do the following...
1. Join a gym. If for no other reason then something to do and a place to be where men are. This in and of itself is usually enough to get a mans attention directed right back to you where it ought to be.
2. Meet the neighbors and participate in community functions. Sitting at home alone with children is a quick route to insecurity and loneliness. Its so easy to make the man the center of your universe when you have nothing else going on in your life. And while spending time with family is OK its not the same as having friends and an active social life. Your man should be a part of your life not your whole life.
3. Never ever confront him on his checking out other women, if he doesn't stop disrespecting you on his own then you complaining about it wont change anything. 2 can play at the game usually solves the problem. Have him watching you flirt with other men vs you watching him do it. When the shoe is on the other foot hopefully he will understand and you can put it behind you.
And at the end of this you may find that hes not into you the way you would like him to be. Life is short and you deserve someone who really WANTS to be with you. Not just someone whos hanging out with you waiting until he finds what he thinks is better then you. Give him a shot, if it doesn't come around drop him like hes hot.