How to get a guy back : (


chickadviormember
on Nov 24, 2013 @ 06:44 pm

I been sleeping with my best friend since august we are both 21, we used to be really close friends. He doesn't want a relationship but i am ok with that as long as he isn't sleeping around which he said he isn't. but as i am a girl i get all kinds of trust issues, and paranoid about everything. so i confront him an argue twice a week been having issues since september.

I still see him now but i detected that it has changed as as don't seem as close and feel that we are drifting apart. so i am really knocked down by that :( i just want things to go back to how we used to be. we used to be so close like we are couples. really cute. 

but i think he got so fed up with me always bringing things up going in circles, and he might be losing interest? i still see him few times a week but mostly i think the sex is keeping us going. :( 

and it is hurting so hard that i am trying not to bring up anything at all to him like how i used to go crazy at him every week. 

i tried not speaking to him as much like short answers and he did try to speak a bit more but still take a long time to reply but i know he is always on his phone texting someone :/


i don't know how i can win him back as he has a lot of other female attention. 
i just want things to go back to how it was or him to want me more and make more effort like he used to , i want to feel loved again and have more attention from him. its driving me mad and upsetting me everyday its really effecting my life at the moment but i still would so anything to keep him by me. 

please can i get some advice from someone, many thanks 
 


7 Replies


Anglewings
How to get a Guy back on Nov 24, 2013 @ 07:15 pm

I don't think I can give you advice on what to do but,I would like to tell you what I think is the problem.When your friend was living with you,you said yourself he didn't want a relationship so ,you had to be thinking someday he wouldn't be there anymore.I think he wanted to be friends and you expected a little more in this Friendship.You also said that you argued with him at least twice a week.You never really said what about.If it were me I would let him go because,maybe someday he might realize that maybe you two had something good going,who knows.If he has feelings for you,then he will be back.Give it some time to see what happens.
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AlexJC
Better as friends or lovers? on Nov 25, 2013 @ 11:09 am

I think you might be lying to yourself when you say you're ok with not having a relationship. I think that's why you might have these issues and maybe it's making you act a little out of character?

I think what he liked about you, your personality has changed now that you guys are in this weird limbo and it's changed how he feels in return. It might be time for an honest discussion to see where you guys are going. Maybe you are better off as friends?
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mamaluv
It's called FRIENDS with benefits on Nov 25, 2013 @ 04:08 pm

This is the whole problem with FWB relationships. I'm willing to bet 99% of the time one of the people in the relationship develop feelings at some point. So here's some hard truths.

1) It's called FRIENDS with benefits. That means you are friends first and lovers second. You need to continue to treat him like a friend. If you were arguing with a female friend several times per week, she'd become distant too (and vice versa). Similarly, just as you would never expect your female bestie to give up her other friendships, you are not entitled to expect him to be exclusive either.

2) It's called friends with BENEFITS. That means that sex is secondary. It sounds like your friendship is dying and all that you have left is a booty call. So either you fix your friendship or you leave the relationship altogether.

3) Be honest. For those few who are able to have FWB relationships successfully, I've heard that open communication is the key to keeping it real. If you want to be exclusive and start a regular relationship, you should tell him so. Similarly, he should be comfortable enough to be able to say "I'm flattered but no thank you".

It really sounds to me like you agreed to an FWB with the immediate intent of turning this into a more serious relationship. Honestly, you should not have started sleeping together in the first place for that reason. If in the future you are genuinely only looking for sex with someone for fun and he is in the same headspace, then that's fine. But if you think an easy lay is going to morph into a beautiful courtship, then you might be heading for disaster before you've even begun.

I would suggest you lay it all out for him. Tell him your feelings. Tell him what options you are willing and emotionally able to offer. If that means going back to a casual FWB, great! If that means becoming an official couple, great! But if it means that you continue to pine for him while he scratches an itch, then you're being unfair to both of you (you in terms of deserving something better, and him in terms of placing requirements on the relationship that he never agreed to in the first place).

Just my honest opinion! *hugs*
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chickadviormember
i agree ^^^^^^^^ on Nov 25, 2013 @ 06:15 pm

Alex JC - of course i would say yes if he ask to be gf but i mean I'm ok not being in relationship with him as he didn't want one, as long as i have him in some way I'm happy. because i am happy spending time with him. and he said that i have changed swell into wanting more. but i am a girl how can he expect it to stay the same and been sleeping with him for almost 5 months. i just don't think i can stay just friends with him its hard and having nothing to do with him is hard swell. i love him and care bout it too much :/

Mama Luv - it does seem to me now that its all just FWB :( i did ask him if thats all it is and he said its more than that because we used to be best friends. now our friendship is ruined I'm devastated by it and it could never be the same if i stop sleeping with him. i am scared to ask where i stand and boundaries…

my friend told me that with guys like him i need to play games an not show any emotions and lay all my cards out.

i don't know if i should confront him the last time to tell him about how i feel of things how he is mugging me off, and if he doesn't make any more effort i will leave him for last time this time. because i say it every time and he knows i still come back to him. :/
>>> ir should i just leave it and see how it goes and play games with him

thank you for the advices !!
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mamaluv
games = get hurt more on Nov 25, 2013 @ 06:33 pm

I would strongly advise you not to play mind games. It will only make things worse! Just be honest or accept the way things are. And when I say "be honest" I don't necessarily mean that you should tell him how you've been naming your imaginary children and planning trips to DisneyWorld with the grandkids. That's just silly, but you know what I mean. Who knows what the future will hold? All you can do is base your plan of action on what you have NOW.
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chickadviormember
i have tried on Nov 25, 2013 @ 06:41 pm

i have tried pouring it all out to him but he says we go around in circles and he doesn't take it very well. he knows i like him and he knows he have me like clicking fingers. which isn't good. i don't want to pressure him again ask he already said he doesn't want relationship now but never know the future but again i ave pushed him away so much that he doesn't want to be with me in that way atm now.

everyone said i am wasting my time. i think you are right i best tell him again how i felt about things. and see if he will change,

do you think its wrong that last week when i was in bed with him he was on his phone ages texting some girl. when i ask him about it before he said he can have female friends and its not my place to get jealous and i have nothing to worry about.

i have just spoken to his ex girlfriend on Facebook , i told her the situation… she said she was experience exact same thing as me, how he never listened to her and crying her eyes out all the time. she even mentioned how once she looked on his phone and found out that he was seeing his ex behind her :S (which has me worried now) because once a cheat always a cheat right? and how he is always texting females…. :/
but when she broke it off with him he wrote her letters begging her to go back with him…. which is what i kinda want to do to make him realise what he is loosing?

because i don't think he knows and he thinks i will always run back to him…
but i mean what if that back fires on me and he doesn't come back :/

its so hard ,,, having an one way situation.
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mamaluv
"Get out the back, Jack" on Nov 26, 2013 @ 09:36 am

The more you share, the more it sounds like this relationship is a bad choice for you. Your guy never made you any commitments and it looks like his behaviour is habitual.

You should not pretend-breakup to give him a wake up call. The bottom line is, if he wants to be with you, he'll be with you. You should not have to manipulate the situation because even if it works in the short term, chances are it'll fail in the long term anyway. And what if by that point you're pregnant with his baby?? You should not take this risk.

Break it off, move on. There are 3.5 billion fish in this sea and he's not the only one who can make you happy!
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