I hate when these things happen..

on Mar 05, 2010 @ 12:12 pm

I like this guy but he is three years older than myself. And I know that my parents don't really approve.I listen to my parents because like most, they are right usually but this is something that i don't want there advise upon. Sometimes you need to do, to learn from your mistake.

I've liked this guy for a little while now, and we finally went out together for a date to the movies the other night. He has this ex though who is really -obessed- with him still, they bbroke up last year, around December.
Soo I was at the movies and his ex's BFFE was there with her date. At the movies, I was cuddling with the guy...his ex's best friend saw and told her friend.
Then, his ex calls my friend and says were sluts blah blah and asks for my number. She didn't give it to them. Then I get this call " Private Caller'' with drunk people talking. Coincidence? I think not.
I've never been one for violence or anything like that. I don't want to fight this girl. I don't even know this girl so I can't see how she is calling me a slut without knowing who I am. I've never been called anything sleezy in my life because I'm not like that. I can see this situation getting out of hand and idk what to do..I don't wan to stop hanging out with this guy but i don't want to be stuck between him and his ex's issues.
PLUS- He was out partying with her and a bunch of friends the other night. And when I asked who he named some ppl then just said '' idk'' i wish you were here...?? Uhm deff. was avoiding the question a bit, I don't mind him being friends with her. I trust him. But, when she starts calling me a slut to my friend then I get concerned because I don't want to get my ass kicked, or jumped. Who does? I think it's immature to go and tell your ex boyfriends, friend who he likes that shes a slut without even knowing her though I understand you'd be a bit upset but you have to move on eventually! I won't put up with this, I don't want to fight this girl. If she hit me, I'd hit her back in self-defense but I'm not interested in anything with fighting or harrassing. I'm going to talk to him about it...but i don't know how to go about this situation at all?
I can't sleep with something like this on my mind, I have a bit of a bad gut feeling about this and I'm not going to lie I'm a bit scared of this girl but I don't want to look like I'm some kind of whimp either. I don't give up easily on things but I know when I'm in for bad news. If you could give me your opinions and advise, I'd be grateful!

5 Replies

Yikes - we need some boundaries! on Mar 05, 2010 @ 12:53 pm

First of all, if his ex is still obsessed with him and has an issue with him seeing other women so long after their break he should not be chumming around with her. He needs to set that boundary. It may be okay to be just friends... if she would accept it that way. If she refuses to accept that, he needs to distance himself for a while until things settle down. This has nothing to do with you - he needs to do this for himself.

But it becomes your problem if this girl is threatening you. That's where you need to set your boundaries. You cannot date a guy if doing so puts you in physical danger. He will not always be there to protect you or talk her down. He may be an awesome guy, maybe even The One. But he's not The One quite yet - because the timing is awful.

I know that's not your fault and I understand it's totally unfair. But in the grand scheme of things I think you already know the answer here. He has to sort out his "friendship" with her and she needs to accept him moving on... or you need to get away from this situation now.

Are you 100% positive that they are fully, completely broken up? Is there a possibility he's misleading you about their relationship? The fact that he dodged your question about partying with her hints that there is unfinished business there (perhaps a Friends-With-Benefits arrangement), but it could also be that she's simply unable to let him go. Either way, he should not be friends with her while dating you - not yet anyway.

This is why your parents are correct in their concern. You show a lot of maturity for realizing that they have your best interests at heart, as you mentioned at the top of your post. Have the courage to see this through to the logical conclusion, not the emotional one.

Stay safe! *hugs*

Run dont walk away on Mar 05, 2010 @ 04:44 pm

Not sure how old you are but it appears you are good at (as so many of us are) denial and ignoring the obvious. I am not trying to be mean. I am relating to you because i remember being the same way.

You have ZERO reason to trust this guy. Trust has to be earned not freely given. So far he has hung out with his ex. That is a reason NOT to trust him.

You get to decide what you are willing to put up with. If you dont want him hanging out with the ex (that is still after him) he has the choice to do what you ask or not.

You then have to choose to either be girl number 1 of 2 girls he is dating or move on to someone else who respects you enough not to lie to your face.


Me Again ~ Question Mark on My Forehead! -.- on Mar 07, 2010 @ 01:36 pm

First off, I'd like to thank you ladies for the great advise and support! After running over things in my mind, I thought I had made my mind up to just giving up, just to be friends with this guy.Best logical solution and emotional as far as drama goes.


I went over to his house last night, hoping to clear thy air with my decision " but " once I was with him, I just couln't bring myself to end things between us. I know, this is where you guys are thinking -uh oh- and booing..I like being with him, kissing him, etc!

I hate thinking that I'm not going to be the person he wants to call his own because of where things stand. I'm confused, could I have lost my mind to be considering trying things out and seeing where I land?

How am I going to get myself out of this, I don't know what to do?!

Step away from the boy on Mar 11, 2010 @ 09:22 am

I couldn't agree more with mamaluv. There are so many cute boys for you to choose from. The one you are talking about is weak, immature and self-centered, and that goes for his friends also. You seem to be a smart and mature girl. Your two worlds are so far apart. People who like all that drama, as he and his friends seem to, will never change as long as they stay with the same group of friends. If this boy were to totally walk away from these people for like 3 to 6 months, then maybe you could reason that he is done with the drama. Otherwise they just like to keep themselves "in the news" so to speak. I know it is hard to deny that melty(ok that is not a word, but)feeling you get when you are with this boy, but for a short while of bliss, your life will be turned upside down and not in a good way.

Spot on! on Mar 12, 2010 @ 10:06 am

Yeah, that! sissypouse wrote everything that I would say.

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