I have a depressed and suicidal friend. If you can relate, what's the best way I can support her?

on Jun 20, 2016 @ 12:13 pm

She doesn't want to talk. I send texts and call but she doesn't reply. Her life is really messed as of now and I can understand this breakdown. Her family is abusing her but she's stuck with them. She snapped and ended up in jail and with charges that can't be dropped. It's completely unfair.

I'm hours away from her.

If you've ever been in a dark place, was there anything you welcomed from a friend? Is there anything I can do? What should I not do?

9 Replies

You should look into a crisis line for wherever you live... on Jun 20, 2016 @ 03:57 pm

Remember: suicidal behavior is a cry for help.
The suicidal person is ambivalent -- part of them wants to live and part of them wants not so much death as they want the pain to end. It is the part that wants to live that tells another I feel suicidal. If a suicidal person turns to you it is likely that they believe that you are more caring, more informed about coping with misfortune, and more willing to protect their confidentiality. No matter how negative the manner and content of their talk, they are doing a positive thing and have a positive view of you.
Keep trying <3 she needs you more then ever

. on Jun 20, 2016 @ 04:32 pm

I've been in that dark spot before. Based on my experiences when I was depressed and this is what I've learned is isloation from from people.

She probably just wants to isolate herself because she is going through major depression.

How I got help;

My best friend and husband (boyfriend at the time) both nicely told me, they feel I need to get help. They just pretty much said, something is wrong, I'm not my usual self. Of course as a person being in that mental state, I did not realize I had a problem at the time. My best friend would occasionally tell me when I see her. Not in a way where she said you are crazy. Just in a way of a concern friend. She DID NOT act different around me. Everything remains the same which is so important! All she would say is, maybe just go see a doctor, see if they could help you with anything. She would suggest things like, maybe you thyroid, or your health is lacking whatever it is at least a doctor would be able to help you figure it out. She would also say, just one step at a time.

Fast forward about a whole year of that, one day, I really feel so terrible and I said to myself. I'm either going to drive off a bridge and kill myself or give myself a chance and drive to the doctor.

Because I keep hearing from my friend and husband to just see a doctor, it won't hurt. (they kept it very casual) so I don't freak out.

I drove myself to the doctor. It has been one tough road through recovery, but I'm really glad for my friend because I chose to save myself. I would be alive today. So to answer your question, as a friend, you could take mini steps. Try hanging out with her, like ask her to a movie, dinner, or whatever you girls usually do for fun. Act normal, but when there is an opportunity. Like is she opens up or say anything along the line where she's not happy. It's your chance to nicely suggest some ways where it would get her some help. Just don't do it too aggressively because people who has depression or suicidal are very sensitive to everything and anything someone has to say. That's why they go into isolation.

This is tough I know, and your friend obviously means a lot to you that's why you started this topic. Remember to NOT act and differently around her. It's just going to make her not want to be around you. Try to make it as normal as possible.

I hope this helps you and I really hope all the best to your friend. This topic really hits close to home for me. I hope your friend will and want to get help.:)

. on Jun 20, 2016 @ 04:41 pm

Sorry, I just saw the comment on the fact that you live a few hours from her.

Then what you could do is send casual messages to her. Like hey what's up, how are you? Then maybe tell her about your day. Make sure to keep in contact with her.

What you should NOT do is bring up advice and things about her depression. Let her open up to you. ONLY talk about with her if She brings it. The last thing you want is for her to avoid you. Keep the conversation as normal as possible, like nothing has changed. All the best! By the way, if you could, maybe come visit her once in a while. You could send her messages like, I'm thinking of coming to town, let's go do something together. Then the conversation could go from there.. Any interactions for your friend would help. Trust me.

. on Jun 20, 2016 @ 05:00 pm

Thank you so much. You have some great advice. It's hard. Now she just lost her job. I wrote to her to take things one at a time and in time she'll be strong even if it doesn't seem possible. I have been texting and calling a lot. I've been where she is where you want to cut the world out. But it's not like her.

. on Jun 20, 2016 @ 05:22 pm

That is really tough. It's strange, when I was facing my depression, it feels like everything was going wrong for me. Even as I was getting help, everything still turned upside down. But it does get better. My therapist would always tell me, things will worst before it get better. I too, was out of a job at the time. I think she needs to get some counselling. It helps a great deal. Group therapy is also a good option. It helps to talk and discuss things with people that are in the same situation. What I've learnt from therapies and such is whatever the feeling is, even if it's overwhelming feeling of depression. If you just acknowledge the feeling, eventually it will pass. They do pass. She would need the help of a well trained therapist to help her get pass her way of thinking and how to handle the overwhelming feeling of depression.

You are good friend and you genuinely want your friend to get better, but I would suggests not texting and calling too often. If she is reciprocating than yes continue, but if she's not answering you. Leave it for a few days and then try again. She probably just needs the space. I know this is probably really tough on you as well. Just keep strong!

. on Jun 20, 2016 @ 07:32 pm

You are in a difficult place, and you are a really good friend.

You mentioned that your friend is suicidal...has she given any indication that she has a "plan"? In my work if someone talks about suicide, we are trained to ask "have you got a plan? If they do, we must report to a healthcare physician.

I know you are in a different situation, as you are a friend, but it might be helpful to determine if this is a cry for help, or is she really at risk of harming herself. I know you mentioned that she is in a bad family situation, but is there anyone else closer to her who may be able to help? If she has lost her job, is it possible she could come visit you, sort of reduce the pressure?

I think your doing a great job, being there, being a friend. Remind her how much you value her, how smart, funny, beautiful she is. Let her know you are there for her, anytime.

And pat yourself on the back for being a wonderful friend.

. on Jun 21, 2016 @ 11:54 pm

Is there any way you can drive down to see her or are there other friends nearby who can check up on her for you? I would also call the local hospital, police station or crisis center to get professional advice as to how to go about this. Here's a link to a website that describes how to approach your friend and deal with your concerns:


This could take an emotional toll on you as well. Make sure you have a support system of your own in order to cope with whatever may come your way because of her situation. It's a good thing that you came to us seeking advice. Know that you can keep sharing your feelings with us if you ever need to unload your worries or stress.

I'll be praying for you and your friend in this time of need. I hope it all works out for the best.


. on Jun 21, 2016 @ 11:56 pm

@jujusamples I'm happy that you're in a better place now and that you've found positive ways of coping with your situation. It's very brave of you to share your experience with us. Thank you for doing that, as you may have helped many others in the process. :)

. on Jun 22, 2016 @ 12:21 am

Thanks @prettyrainbow! That's why I try to share my experiences with others as much as I could, if it could save even 1 person from taking their life or to get back onto their own 2 feet, it's all worth it! Depression is something that is really tough and no one would ever get how it feels unless they have been there.

I hope anonymous friend do get better over time. :)

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