I need the pain to stop

on Aug 01, 2011 @ 07:49 pm

It has been about a month since I had my heart shattered. I have blocked any way of me finding out about my ex but I know he has moved on. She is gorgeous and he clearly must be happy. I don't know how to get over this. I am moving, and I have cut all ties with mutual friends. I love him with all of my heart. I didn't deserve how he hurt me and I can't handle this pain. It is like there is a weight on me at all time and I can't breathe. I don't know how he could throw us away in such a cruel way and then just move on like I'm nothing. My heart is gone and someone else has the love I loved the most. I don't know what to do anymore. I fake happy all day, cry myself to sleep, dream of him, and then wake up crying. I've had my heartbroken before but never like this. He literally did everything he said he would never do. To add to the pain he is going on trips he and I planned and to events we had scheduled like I never existed. I know I sound pathetic but what he did has really broken me. I spent years of my life with him and his family and he just left...even blamed me for the fkd up things he did to me.

Please help me with this. I just want to be happy, and not ache for him.

4 Replies

get it all out on Aug 02, 2011 @ 09:54 am

Hi Justme11,

I'm so sorry to hear your story. There's nothing we can say to make you feel better, but just coming on this forum and sharing will hopefully help in some small way.

It's the biggest cliche in the world, but Time really does heal all wounds. Don't spend too much time worrying about your ex's new relationship - it's a rebound and he'll have to deal with that in time. Right now you need to focus on You.

You said some important things, like:
"He literally did everything he said he would never do"
"...even blamed me for the fkd up things he did to me"

Right now you're hurting because you're focusing on the wonderful parts of your relationship. Eventually, you'll be able to take a step back and realize that the way he ended things was cruel and he doesn't deserve you. Now is the time to remember who YOU are. You've spent all these years being defined as a couple so it will take some time to redefine yourself as a worthy, wonderful woman on your own merits.

Okay, okay, so that was a really cheesy sentence just now - but it's TRUE.

I'm sure other people will comment here with great suggestions on how to distract yourself during this healing time. Listen to them! Try new things like activities your ex wasn't game for or things you never shared as a couple.

Please know that you will feel better soon. *hugs*


Thank you on Aug 06, 2011 @ 12:03 pm

Thank you. I'm trying to remember those things but I'm just in such a dark place. I have strong moments and then I start crying. It is such a sickening pain. I pray that the pain subsides soon. This year was hard enough for me and when this happen it just tipped me over the edge. I am trying to focus on my new start but the thought of him happy without me is unreal. Thank you for your kind words and advice. I just hope I get through this and that I find a way to be happy. Even the sun shining hurts right now. As odd as that sounds. I guess I just have to push through and try not to think about him and the pain. :/ I wish he would regret it so atleast I would know he knows what he lost.

You will feel better! on Aug 06, 2011 @ 06:18 pm

Hi justme11, reading your post broke my heart. Your pain is so raw right now. But like mamaluv said, the pain will decrease with time, and you will start to enjoy life again, and enjoy new things. Worrying about what he is doing with his life will eat you up. You just can't worry about that, because there is just nothing you can do about it. You have no control over what he does, just over what you do. I really agree with mamaluv's suggestion that you go and try some things that you have always wanted to do, but he wasn't game for. And spend lots of time with your family. The ones who love you most are the most important thing in your life.
I wish you all the best. You deserve to be happy.

... on Aug 22, 2011 @ 05:47 pm

Hi honey,

I am so sorry about your breakup. Yes,, it hurts like hell right now. Your pain is raw, you will go through those ups and downs.

The good news is that you WILL get over this.
Trust me, I 've been there.
You need time. There is truth in the saying "time heals all wounds".
As time passes, your pain will lessen.

Don't forget to eat and drink a lot of water. Stay healthy as it's common to lose weight after a break up.
Change your routine.
Make this your fresh start.
Take care of yourself. Buy yourself something nice. Get your hair done, put some makeup on.
Pamper yourself. Be good to yourself.
See your friends, spending time with people that love you is healing. And there are people who love you and would not treat you badly like your ex did.

What helped me was volunteer work. Helping the less fortunate made me realize that there are ppl out there worse off.
Also, I threw myself into my hobbies, social life. I read a lot of novels. Anything.

When you feel down. call a friend. Or write your bad feelings in a journal.

Most important. Do NOT contact your ex. Zero contact.

Count yourself lucky that you did not end up with him. Clearly, you dodged a bullet here as he treated you poorly.

You deserve someone who will treat you like the queen that you are.


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