In need of relationship advice over best friend! Does he like me?

on Oct 09, 2011 @ 06:36 pm

We have been friends for a while
now, but have been much closer and spend lots of time together,
considerably more than we used to. We are good friends so obviously we
get on well. Recently I have been developing feelings for him and I
don't know if he feels the same, sometimes I think he might others I'm
not so sure.

Firstly, a few people at our school have asked if we are going out,
people who aren't good friends with us, and a lot of people have
asked/think that something is going on between us. When we have been out
together people we don't know have asked if we are going out or would
like to be left alone just us two as they think something is going on.
We are in the same group of friends at school, and our friends used to
make jokes about us, and try and be funny. One of his close friends says
things like "get a room" when we have been talking, and has made other
comments along those lines. Also when we are talking this friend would
always push the guy toward me in a teasing way so that he would end up
bumping into me.

When we are together it seems as if he makes quite a lot of physical
contact, like touching my arm sometimes my back, and putting his arm
around my shoulder. One time he put his arm around me for a particular
reason, but then didn't move it and we ended up walking along like that
for a while and this has happened when we have been sitting together too. Generally I would say there are times that we are quite
flirty, for example in texts and when it is just us two. But he always
seems to stand close to me and looks me in the eye etc.

He is one of those guys who teases, and he likes to spend a lot of time
'annoying' me. He doesn't do this to other girls to the same extent
(only a little bit).

There have been other things like when I used to fancy this other guy he
would bug me about it a lot, and then when that ended badly on my part
he always called him and idiot, said he was stupid etc, but this may
have just been him being nice.

Its strange and too risky to make a move as we are such good friends but
sometimes I can't help think he might like me, however recently he
admitted to some of our guy friends to fancying a girl I'm good friends
with who is very attractive, but he wouldn't tell me/didn't tell me
about it.

3 Replies

time to stop playing games on Oct 09, 2011 @ 07:27 pm

#1 - boys don't do hints well. You need to be up front about things because otherwise you're not going to clear anything up

#2 - most boys don't do all the things your friend is doing for no reason. There is almost always some level of attraction behind those actions.

#3 - most men and women can't stay "just friends" long term. There are those that do, but usually someone has feelings. Doesn't mean it's full-blown love, but it could be as simple as wondering "what it would be like".

#4 - I wouldn't read too much into the comments about the other girl. It could be that he's finally given up on you or that he's trying to see if you'll get jealous by the mention of it. Either way, it's kind of irrelevant until you actually find out what's what.

As awkward as it will probably be, you should clear the air with him. It's either that or in 6 months you'll still be doing this awkward dance or your friendship will change for the cooler (as in, less close). You can't teeter on the brink of sexual tension (that's what this is - I'm not meaning that you want to have sex: it's the tension between the sexes) forever.

Good luck and keep us posted!


It's a common problem! on Oct 11, 2011 @ 08:54 pm

I think I can safely say that pretty everyone has been here in this situation at one point or another!

From the clues you are giving us here, it seems like there is a strong possibility he feels the same way. I also think that touching your shoulder etc. is a good sign!

The thing about being friends first is that you kind of get stuck in those roles and it is so difficult to know what the other person is thinking. Sooner or later though, you will need to talk or discuss this. It won't be fun, trust me it will be awkward but only at first! Once it gets out in the open- no matter what happens, you will feel relieved!

Take a chance on Oct 16, 2011 @ 01:16 pm

The best relationships start off as friendships, and well there's nothing better than ending up with someone who's also your best friend.

I suggest you take some time to think about how you want to bring this up and go for it!
If he likes you, well then it's the best thing.
If for some reason he doesn't, well it'll hurt for a while, but you'll move on.

The worst thing is to keep it a secret. My close friend used to be best friends with this guy in high school. They got along really well but never expressed any feelings to each other. Fast forward 5 years after high school. They run into each other and have a long chat about the old days only to find out he had liked her and well she never got over him. But when he told her about this, he then went on to mention he was now married. I had to console her for months, while she lamented the "what ifs". I think she still feels bad about it.
Now I know this may be a drastic situation, but she goes around telling everyone that it's better to just say how you feel and get heart broken then to live with the "what ifs". And I think she's right because I wouldn't want to be in her situation.

Hope that helps.

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