Is he really going to have sex without protection...?


Anonymous
on May 05, 2013 @ 11:19 pm

I have a really close friend from high school. We always flirted together every time we were around each other, and we kissed a couple of times, and we talked dirty sometimes. When I left to North Carolina for school for 2 years we still talk a little, but he will always ask me "no kids yet" whenever we had months we didn't communicate, and will tell me to use protection (since he had a kid) He told me that he always uses protection ever since he got his girl pregnant. We stop talking for long time because i found out he was engaged so I decided to move on and forget about him. When i came back to Texas we started to talk again in Twitter. We made plans to see each other since he was "single" now. He came over to my parents house since i had the house all to myself for a day, to watch a movie, he was going to leave at 7am to go to work the next day. He couldn't get his hands off of me the whole time, which lead him to wanting to have sex I absolutely knew I wasn't gong to let him. Although I rejected him like a lot that still didn't stop him. So i said "ok  do you have a condom?" (since I knew he didn't have) he said no I was like well then that's a "no" then. He said I didn't thought of bringing (which I was ok with because if he would of brought one it would of make me think that he only came over to have sex with me) I thought he was going to stop after i asked him, but no he kept on asking me to let him it got to the point where he was in boxers on top of me trying to take off my shorts (which he was unable to) He finally stop when he saw that i was angry and we both fell asleep holding each other (which that part loved) I'm more into cuddling.. I kept on thinking was he really going to have unprotected sex after he had told me he will never have sex without a condom.. and what  if I would of let him,,,,? maybe I made a mistake....?
 


10 Replies


Anonymous
sounds like a player on May 06, 2013 @ 09:57 am

I'm a little confused about your last comment "maybe I made a mistake?". Are you regretting missing the opportunity to have sex with this guy because you stuck to your principles on using a condom? or are you saying that if you would have let him ride bareback, it would have been a mistake?

Whichever you meant, I think that what you DID do was correct. He encouraged you way back when to always protect yourself during sex. He may have changed his tune: let's face it -some people say one thing and mean another, or change their minds after a while. Ignoring for a moment that unprotected sex is a stupid idea in general, he's certainly entitled to change his mind if he's able to find a woman who's can't say no to him.

What bugs me about this situation is the following:

1. You're not in a relationship, or at least, not that you've said. Whether that's a FWB relationship or a dating relationship, the point is, you don't appear to have any status with this guy. So... why would you sleep with him? I'm not being a prude, I just genuinely believe that casually hooking up is a bad idea 99.999% of the time. Someone's going to get hurt - probably YOU.

2. You've been apart for years, and rekindled your friendship via the internet. 2 things right there, and both = people change and only show you one side of themselves (the well-behaved side). Plus I'm also giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's remained a reasonably "good guy" over the years and isn't outright misleading you. Because after all, the internet is a safe place for all kinds of psychopaths when you can hide behind a screen!

3. After you said no, he kept pushing the issue hoping you'd say yes. Listen, I give him credit for finally respecting your decision in the end. Sadly, there are girls out there whose "no" does not always mean "no", especially if the making out and groping continue after "no" has been said. Those signals are misleading. However, getting back to point #1 and #2 above, you guys basically hardly know each other, you said no, and it required you to become angry before he got the message?

4. In the end, it sounds like the only reason you guys didn't do the deed is because you didn't have a condom. More importantly, it sounds like you didn't want to sleep with him anyway, and only used the condom excuse when he wouldn't take no for an answer. Girl, you are sending him mixed signals. I'm not trying to put blame on you, but your original No should have been adequate. You should not have needed to use the condom as your safe "out". You should have insisted with him before you got to that point.

As much as the guys need to accept our No, we women need to make sure they know that we really do mean No! If you say No but let him keep pawing and kissing you, it will come across as "try harder and I'll probably change my mind".

I'm not saying he's a bad guy. Based on your story, all I can assume is that he was horny and was hoping for a hookup. That's not inherently wrong. Just make sure you protect your body and your heart!

Good luck :)

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mamaluv
I'm "Anonymous" responder #1 on May 06, 2013 @ 09:59 am

I must have accidentally marked my comment "anonymous". I'm outing myself because I stand by what I said. (Plus, the members who have been on here long enough will probably recognize my opinion and long-windedness anyway!)
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AlexJC
Yikes on May 06, 2013 @ 10:31 am

First and foremost, you asked him to slow down and he didn't? Red flag. Second, it does seem like he was pretty careless about the condom. It seems like you really like this guy but I don't know how respectful he is. Is it really worth it?
Reply

LissaG
Agree with alexjc ^ on May 06, 2013 @ 02:12 pm

Yikes indeed! This guy seems like he's only after one thing. I don't want to make snap judgements, but the overview of this guys life (had a kid in highschool, was engaged but it didn't last, has flirted with you constantly throughout the years) makes him look pretty flaky. Again, totally unfair to judge like that as I don't know the full story behind anything, but I agree with alexjc again that you seem to actually like and care for him. I just don't know if he's as invested in it as you are. The fact that he kept trying to pressure you after you said no, and the fact that he was willing to have unprotected sex (knowing the risks of it all too well) marks a level of immaturity and a lack of respect you don't deserve. And sorry, the whole naked in boxers on top of you trying to take your shorts off is just so bad highschool party-esque that it hurts. You said you'd gone away for school for 2 years so i'm assuming you're in your 20s now, so leave the teen drama behind and let him know you're an adult and want to be treated and respected like the woman you are. If he wants an adult relationship then he better act like it!
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Anonymous
mamaluv, alexjc, lissag on May 06, 2013 @ 07:25 pm

Sorry I din't explain why i had said that "maybe I made a mistake" but I meant that I made a mistake into inviting him over to my house, I should of instead ask him to dinner or something. I been knew him for 3 years before I left to college. We hang out a lot in high school our sophomore and junior year, but our senior year we talk a little we were just like normal friends no flirting or anything since he was with his pregnant girl. Yes, I don't want to sleep with him because I know I'll be the one who will get hurt the most if something were to happen you see it has happen when i found out his girl was pregnant I was heart broken, and I'm scared it might happen again. I really like him a lot its like he can stop talking to me for long time and then pop in my life again and I will still like him. Its really hard and I don't want to lose him. Yes I agree I'm giving him the wrong signals I need to clear things out and tell him how I feel before he thinks something else. Make sure he's on the right page as me.. Thanks everyone for the comments It really helped..
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nscott84
yes on May 08, 2013 @ 07:27 pm

He would have had sex without protection if you let him. I knoe this from experience. We women have to take control these days even if it means covering yourself or slapping them.
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Malixy
Press delete on May 10, 2013 @ 08:54 pm


Okay, if he was willing to have sex with you without a condom, he probably has sex with other girls without protection. In which case, don't touch him with a ten foot pole, who knows how many STDs he has from that brilliant course of action.

Seriously, be careful with people like that.

Also, he sounds like a waste of time. I'd move on.
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Anonymous
Recipe for STDs on May 10, 2013 @ 10:19 pm

You were absolutely right not to have sex with him. In fact, you shouldn't even make out with him. This guy is extremely foolish to try and have sex without a condom and I would be willing to bet you and that ex girl friend are not the only ones he had/tried to have sex without a condom.

He obviously sees you as someone he wants to fool around with rather than a real friend. His actions are selfish and foolish. I would distance myself from him if I were you.
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Anonymous
His a douchebag!!!!! on May 11, 2013 @ 03:43 am

Everyone was absolutely right about him. I just feel so stupid for thinking that he actually wanted to have a relationship with me!! Its absolutely obvious he wanted to just mess around, I just didn't want to believe it. It really hurts alot because I really cared about him alot and he knew that. Now if only it wasn't that difficult to tell him that I don't want to see him anymore.
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KatelynRose1984
Agree w/ @AlexJC on May 11, 2013 @ 08:00 am


I completely agree with AlexJC on this one. If you asked him to slow it down, and he refused - that would be a HUGE red flag in my books. Then, he's careless about condoms - Another red flag for me. You seem to know exactly what you want, so find that - don't settle for this!
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