is it normal


Anonymous
on Jan 13, 2008 @ 05:52 pm

do you think its normal to lose sexual interest in your partner after a while?i fear that this is what i am going through and sometimes wonder how can i get married if this is how i feel.we have been having issues so maybe this plays a big role?anyone?
 


10 Replies


Anonymous
It is important on Jan 13, 2008 @ 09:43 pm

I think sex is very important in a relationship. I would never marry anyone who wouldn't put out. If you give it to men on a regular basis it will change your whole world. Something is causing you to lose interest. His performance, his or your physical appearance, hygiene? If your not interested in having sex with him maybe you should be friends not husband and wife.
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mamaluv
peaks and valleys on Jan 13, 2008 @ 10:55 pm

I've been married for 13 years and I have experienced highs and lows in every aspect of the relationship. Sex is only one part (admittedly a huge part!) of a relationship, and I don't think you should chuck out your whole relationship based solely on that. In my experience, a waning sexual interest is more of a symptom than its own problem. That is what you need to address, and I see from your post that you are having some issues anyway.

If you've been together for a while and feel that you are compatible in other ways (life goals, maturity, spiritually, etc), it is worth getting some help to see if you can salvage this relationship. If you ask around, you might be able to find some low cost counselling or maybe consider talking to some married friends who are really stable. Find out what the core issue is and if its worth ending the relationship over. If not, work it out and the sex thing will come back.

I've heard it said (and firmly believe) that a woman's most important sex organ is in her head. If you are not happy with other things, you will have problems becoming aroused. I do have to disagree somewhat with the second poster - don't give up on a future with this man just because the sex is lacking. If sexual energy/interest were the sole deciding factor in a relationship you'd see so many breakups - new parents, older people, etc. None of these people are having regular sex, and if so it may not always be mutually enjoyable.

Sex is not the be-all-and-end-all. Find out what is the main problem and then decide if your relationship is worth fighting for.
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StephB
I agree.. on Jan 14, 2008 @ 01:51 pm

mamaluv always gives such great advice!

I think in every relationship there are highs and lows. There are a lot of things that contribute to it. Even issues outside of your relationship can effect your sex drive without you realizing it. (such as work, family pressures, issues with friends, health, physical activity etc.)

If you're mind isn't into it, than you won't want it. As mamaluv said I think you need to evaluate why you feel this way and what the issues are and see if you can get through them. No one's relationship is fantastic 100% of the time but the best advice I've ever been given is "The true test of a relationship is how you handle the hard times and if you can come out of it still loving each other you've found a solid relationship because it's always easy to be in love and enjoy the good times."

At the end of the day, I think that there needs to be a strong FRIENDSHIP in any relationship because without it, it becomes more difficult to get through all the lows!

I hope you find a way to work out what's best for you!
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spotty
love vs lust on Jan 14, 2008 @ 02:36 pm

I would be alarmed if I was sexual and romantic w/ my fiance ALL the time. If that is the case in a relationship, take heed. What you have is likely lust rather than love. Just as others have pointed out, love is a wave that you ride ... it has crests and low points. The sexual aspect of any relationship will also follow this pattern.
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Anonymous
Sometimes on Jan 14, 2008 @ 11:02 pm

If 1 person in the relationship thinks no sex is a problem then it is a problem. A lot of people do break up but even more stay together and live miserably ever after. If your "issues" are you not wanting to have sex then not having sex is a be-all-end-all issue.
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artist
Mamaluv we're on the same page on Jan 15, 2008 @ 12:46 am

I totally agree with you there mama! I don't think that not having "enough" sex is the be-all-and-end-all.

There can be plenty of reasons why you're losing interest. To be honest, I think those issues listed by Anonymous 2 above seem a little too new to be still prevalent issues. By this I mean that if your partner or you are not having sex because of personal hygiene, appearance, attractiveness ... umm aren't those issues that you would have gotten over a long time ago, especially if you've been together for that long? I would assume that by this point you would be probably comfortable with each other and gotten over/fixed those issues a long time ago.

There could be various other factors. Sex is just one part of the relationship... perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to think more deeply about what is going on in your life that maybe affecting your sex life.
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MizzRobin
Hmm... on Jan 16, 2008 @ 10:54 am

I agree with most posters here...I think that sex is a big part of a relationship but it does go in peaks and valleys and it is something that you have to work on. I would never throw out a relationship based solely on sex. I think the bigger issue is both people having their needs met in a relationship. Both partners should be working toward keeping themselves and the person they are with happy. I think the best bet is to sit down and talk it out and find out what the problem is. I also agree with mamaluv in that "waning sexual interest is more of a symptom than its own problem".
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hunter_jc
Sex... on Jan 30, 2008 @ 07:14 pm

Wow... before today, I really didn't know sex is such a big part in girl's view on relationship. Its like a relationship Barometer.
So if a guy isn't ready to put out, is it over with him??
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Feisty Redhead
mamaluv... on Jan 30, 2008 @ 07:50 pm

I'm with mamaluv, I think she gave some great advice and insight.

hunter - to answer your question, no not at all. If I'm dating a great guy who I am truly interested in and truly care for I'd expect him to be understanding and patient in waiting till I was ready for sex. And I would do the same for him. People (both guys and girls) will try to use the line "If you really loved me you would have sex with me" but the truth is if you really love someone you will respect the fact that they aren't ready yet. I would never break up with a guy just because he wasn't ready for sex. As has already been said in this thread, it's a big part of a relationship but not the only part, and surely not the most important part.
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funkalicious
Could be other health issues involved on Feb 28, 2008 @ 02:00 pm

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the site and am really enjoying it! You've made some excellent points here, and I wanted to throw in another train of thought.

Waning sexual interest can be related to other health issues, too -- it may not just be all in your head. For example, fluctuating hormones can leave us disinterested in sex. Stress, anxiety, screaming babies, lack of sleep, work pressures ... OMG, I'm getting stressed out just typing this! And all of these issues just compound the problem.

If your interest in sex is plummeting, talk with your doctor to rule out any health problems. S/he may also suggest getting more sleep, more exercise, or scheduling "date nights" to help get you in the mood. Feeling strong, healthy and confident is an important part of our female sexuality.

And sometimes you just need to use it or lose it. !!!


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