Just Curious - How Close is Okay level to be with an EX


jujusamples
on Jun 15, 2016 @ 06:06 am

I'm just curious on how close is an okay medium for your significant other to be with their exes?


I'm personally okay with my husband talking and catching up with his exes. I'm not okay with them being best friends as in talking and seeing each other daily. Or even travel together. (I've seen that) 

How about spending a whole week with their ex in he ex country? 

How about being lied to at the fact that your so best (guy or girlfriend) is in fact your ex (from long term relationship) How would you ladies feel about that? 

These are things I could not talk about with anyone because certain things I have to keep a secret but have always wondered if I'm the only one that thinks it's wrong?  Seems like this is the norm now a days, exes being best friends with each other and to the extend of keeping it a secret from there new significant other. i.e. wives husbands etc. I keep hearing about them. 
 

22 Replies


jcb75
. on Jun 15, 2016 @ 08:48 am

I'm friends with my ex. We text almost daily and still get together for a coffee and chat session at Tim Horton's or for an occasional game of Scrabble. I wouldn't expect him to hide anything from his current GF, because there is absolutely nothing going on. That spark has long since gone out.

I have no problem with exes remaining friends...but do have a problem if they are keeping it a secret. Secrets in a relationship are never cool. Neither is lying. As for the traveling...I'm not sure. It just feels weird to me. IF they are just friends, why not bring the current significant other on the trip too?
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fredamans
. on Jun 15, 2016 @ 01:42 pm

I think S.O's that have a problem are insecure and need to look into themselves.
Reply

wonderwhatif
I agree with jcb on Jun 15, 2016 @ 02:18 pm

Keep secrets is not cool! And the level of trust in the relationship can influence a lot too!
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jujusamples
. on Jun 15, 2016 @ 03:47 pm

That's what I thought as well. It's one thing to be close to your ex because sometimes I believe just because things don't work out romantically doesn't mean you can't be friends.

This person I know is extremely close (they once dated) to the point where I thought they were still dating when I first met them. Then it turns out that they are both married to other people. I was told not to say anything about them being exes and just keep as they are just best friends. I feel terrible every time I'm around the the people that they are married to because I feel like everyone is living some sort of lie. I know it's none of my business but I can't help but feel bad. I wouldn't like it if I was lied to like that.
I"m not sure what is the sense of lying about either?
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wonderwhatif
. on Jun 15, 2016 @ 08:34 pm

"Keep secrets is not cool." Wow, grammar much...I am not sleeping well lately, chicks.

Please forgive my terrible sentence structure, hahahaha.
Reply

jujusamples
. on Jun 15, 2016 @ 11:14 pm

haha, I do that all the time and then press send. Then realize my sentence doesn't make any sense.

Could you imagine if the wife finds out the truth one of these days? OMG, I would feel terrible for her because she is such a nice person. She actually treats the ex as one of her best friends because it's her husband's best friend. It's a really messed up scenario if you actually see how they are like with one another. It's no where near casual friendships types. The two best friends actually has a stronger connection with one another than with their significant other. Weird, I know!
Reply

wonderwhatif
. on Jun 15, 2016 @ 11:42 pm

She might already know. Honestly, it's so easy for us to judge from the outside. I'm super close with one of my male friends and people always mistake us for a couple, but really he's gay and I'm married :D

With exes it might be a different thing, but then...they broke up for a reason, so who knows!
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jujusamples
That's the confusing part on Jun 15, 2016 @ 11:55 pm

The wife really doesn't know. I was told not to ever say anything that will make her suspicious. But ya, you're right, they broke up for a reason.


I dunno though, if you rather spend more time with your ex than your current partner, then why even break up? LOL He spends more time with the ex. When him and his wife does do stuff together, the ex is always there as well. It's very strange, believe me. I've seen a lot of weird situations but this one boggles my mind.
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wonderwhatif
Haha on Jun 16, 2016 @ 12:02 am

Maybe it's a polyamorous couple? Well, I personally adore my husband, but I dunno...having two men fawn over me would be...not bad. <.<
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jujusamples
. on Jun 16, 2016 @ 12:05 am

LOL, that's a good one. It would be great for the one with 2 men but sucks for the one that doesn't know what's going on.

I only brought this up because I saw on a different forum someone with the same situation except the guys girlfriend didn't lie. She just straight up said she's going to travel to her ex's country to spend a week with him to finish up a project. Hmmm... ? LOL
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