Just Got Dumped how to get over him


Anonymous
on Jan 04, 2011 @ 01:45 pm

So I just got dumped today by the man who i gave my virginity to.

It hurts like hell and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

i feel like dying, cutting, a lot of things....

I feel depressed.

Advice please?
 

12 Replies


mamaluv
So sorry! on Jan 04, 2011 @ 04:17 pm

Wow, that is so upsetting! As he's your first, I know that must make it so much harder right now. And I don't think there's anything I could say that would make it better.

Since it's just happened, what you need to do is simply survive the next few days and weeks. Take it easy on yourself - allow yourself to grieve, eat an extra piece of chocolate cake, or ditch work and watch trashy TV all day. But know that eventually, you will feel better.

Try to focus on the reasons why your relationship was not right instead of reliving all of the parts that were good. You'll run through a lot of emotions in the next little while and be very raw. Surround yourself with supportive people, and that might not include those friends who will talk and talk about what a rotten bastard your ex is. You need people who will let you cry and talk and process this, not offer a ton of their own advice.

As soon as you feel able, start living for you and your close family and friends. Remember what makes you special - are you sporty? Artistic? Fun in a crowd? The BFF that everyone leans on? Whatever it is that you are amazing at, allow yourself to recognize this and give yourself the opportunity to do more in that area.

You are not half a person now because he's left. You are and always have been a whole person who deserves love and friendship just because of who you are. End of story.

Please don't hurt yourself. There are so many people who love you, and once you start feeling better, you don't want any regrets, like a one-night stand that leaves you pregnant or vicious scars because you cut yourself.

And if after a few weeks you don't start feeling better, please talk to your doctor. There is help available, and you deserve a break :)

*hugs*
Reply

Ali de Bold
Big hugs!! on Jan 04, 2011 @ 04:47 pm

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this! I know how bad this sucks. We've all been there. There is nothing that can be said that will take the pain away as it takes time to heal, but there are some practical things you can do that will help:

- Like Mamaluv said, allow yourself to grieve. Cry it out. Have a solid bawl session. No one expects you to be brave when your heart is broken. But then have your plan for moving on including....

- Do something that makes you feel better. Like a hot bath, your favourite ice cream, a good friend you can talk to. Ideally all of the above. Whatever you do, do not contact him. Your instinct will tell you to call him asking for answers or begging him to take you back. This you must not do. I guarantee it will make you feel worse. Focus instead on making yourself feel better.

- Be active and get out with your friends. Pull yourself together in a great outfit, makeup, the works and head out for a night out. It will make you feel better to be surrounded by other people in a fun environment.

- Don't romanticize the relationship. At this point you will probably only be remembering the good times. Remember the parts that weren't working and consider yourself better off for not having to deal with that any more. Even if it was a great relationship, you deserve to be with someone who wants you 100%. Anything less is not enough.

- Try to be physically active. I know going to the gym is probably the last thing on your list, but the endorphins will help you feel better and this will keep you in a positive state of mind and body for when you meet your next love.

Ultimately, know and believe that you will get over this. Though it doesn't feel that way right now, this pain is temporary and it will eventually go away to the point where you don't feel it anymore at all. You will move on with your life. You will meet someone new who loves you 100% and there will be a day where his name doesn't rip your heart out. I promise.

Big hugs to you and please take care of yourself :)
Reply

Lotus Flower
aww babes! on Jan 05, 2011 @ 04:01 am

so sorry to hear what you're going thru. when "my first" dumped me..i kept asking myself what i did wrong. i was so focused on that, that i didn't realize it just wasn't meant to be.

my agree with mamaluv and ali....take some time out...cry, scream, go out with the girls, pamper yourself.

treat yourself the same way u would one of of your best friends if she was going through the same thing.

lastly try and limit any contact with him i know this might be hard but with him being your 1st.he knows which buttons to push to get you back...and that might limit your progess.

and trust us....it will get better in time.....

hugs n kisses!!!
Reply

cathy3087
:) on Jan 05, 2011 @ 09:45 am

It's still raw so know that it's okay to grieve and feel angry/hurt/sad.

I agree that trying to contact him is NOT the best thing for you. Take time for yourself now and know that you will feel better eventually!
Reply

Anonymous
Its just so hard on Jan 05, 2011 @ 12:51 pm

I fell in love with him and he says he still cares for me alot and is just confused as to why he still feels for his ex... he dumped me ans to "not hurt me"

and i can't ignore that he still cares..

IDk wat to do
Reply

mamaluv
lousy excuse on Jan 05, 2011 @ 01:09 pm

He dumped you because he doesn't want to hurt you? No. He dumped you because he's sorting out his feelings.

And honestly? I give him props for that: better he end things now than have an affair behind your back later.

Honey, he may have feelings for you but they are not exclusive. You deserve to be with someone who's able to do that for you. You probably feel bad for his turmoil etc etc but right now is the time to think about yourself.

Maybe you'll find your way back to each other one day. But today is not that day.

You can't ignore that he still cares, but guess what? You just have to anyway. It's so hard and I wish I had wisdom for you. All I can see right now is a buy whose heart is divided and a girl whose is not. You deserve 100% of a man, not 50%. Until you get that, the relationship is going nowhere and you'd probably end up apart anyway - but by then, maybe you'd have a baby to raise on your own.
Reply

Anonymous
More bad news on Jan 07, 2011 @ 02:21 am

I found out he WAS cheating on me with his ex gf and I am done with him for good.

I am now focusing on re-building my relationship with my parents and God.
I have been reading this, it helps, not saying all the pain is gone but it does help and I pray.

So please if you pray, pray for me



Philippians 4:6-8
6] do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7] And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8] Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Reply

mamaluv
wow on Jan 07, 2011 @ 06:27 am

Honey, I'm so glad that at least you have the truth now. Hopefully this will help you navigate the "what ifs" and the feelings that linger.

It sounds like you have your mindset in the right place, and our thoughts and prayers are most definitely with you :)
Reply

Anonymous
Thanks on Jan 08, 2011 @ 02:49 am

Thanks a lot Mamaluv
Reply

Ali de Bold
I'll pray for you! on Jan 13, 2011 @ 11:34 am

Wow, that's horrible! I'm so sorry to hear he did that to you! How are you holding up? Focusing on God, your friends and family right now is the best thing you can do.

You will have a much better relationship with someone more deserving down the road. For now, take care of yourself and what really matters. XOXO
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