"Let's go exclusive" what is the meaning to you


silvercity
on Apr 08, 2009 @ 07:06 pm

Here is an example which was discussed with some colleagues today and I would like your thoughts on it: (there are def. many different opinions on exclusivity)

You've been with someone for a few mths,,,going out for coffee, movies, etc and of course there was intimacy. Eventually you decide that you want to define the relationship...because it was never really discussed in the beg...so you tell him "listen I am not comfortable with our open relationship to know where this is going and would like a commitment from you or we need to move on" and he replies...."ok then let's be exclusive". What would YOUR definition of exclusive be to you? What would you expect from him?

Thanks for sharing.

 

22 Replies


silvercity
typo on Apr 08, 2009 @ 07:13 pm

it should be I want to know where this is going ......
Reply

Nik05
Exclusive on Apr 08, 2009 @ 07:31 pm

If someone wanted to be 'exclusive' with me I would assume that we were now considered an item, boyfriend/girlfriend. Being exclusive would mean that our relationship is getting more serious, that we could no longer date other people, and we wouldn't be 'just some girl/guy I'm seeing'.
Reply

Ali de Bold
Same as Nik05 on Apr 08, 2009 @ 10:30 pm

I'm curious what other definition there could be than you are seeing each other exclusively (i.e no one else).

I would expect once you've had that discussion, you are his girlfriend and he is your boyfriend. Officially.
Reply

TigerLilly
I agree on Apr 08, 2009 @ 10:54 pm

I agree with the above statements. It's that you aren't dating any other people. I don't think it necessairly means that you're BOTH in a more serious relationship and not dating other people. You could be in a serious relationship with someone but still an open relationship. Trust me, it happens.

Bringing up this conversation could backfire though. The other party might not want to become exclusive and then what do you do?
Reply

spotty
conversation is truth on Apr 09, 2009 @ 12:34 pm

I'm on the same page w/ nik's definition. However, I don't think the conversation will "backfire" as tigerlilly indicated. If it turns out you're not on the same page, then you found out early on, before too much time was invested, that the relationship probably isn't going to work at that level. No harm no foul. You can proceed as open, or cut your ties before you get even more disappointed/hurt. I'm all for being up front and honest (games suck). If you scare someone off, then they couldn't handle you anyway.
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silvercity
... on Apr 09, 2009 @ 01:01 pm

I look at it as you will be spending time with each other and agree to only give or receive from each other a days per week where we do stuff, hang out etc...and that we don't want to see other ppl. We are not sharing our relationship/partnership with each other on a deeper level yet...but the potential is there.

This basically has to deal with an earlier post of a FWB relationship I was in many years ago. We were both at different points in our lives back then and we agreed that it would not have worked if we continued then. We started to hang out with each other lately and after a few times together I decided I did not want to continue this way. I found the courage to open up to him and tell him how I felt...and told him listen I'm ready to call it quits...I can't handle doing what we are doing anymore thinking that somewhere down the line I'll just end up getting hurt especially after investing my energy into you. I feel as if you think the grass is greener on the other side. He said that he wasn't looking for anything on the other side and then to my surpirse he suggested to "be exclusive"..I thought he was going to say let's move on...I was not ready for his relpy...We discussed being exclusive...and it means not date other people and to take things slow...he also said that he had feelings for me but they were not as deep as mine and that it takes time for him to develop feelings. He also opened up about some other issues I was unaware of...for example on how different we are...he is a motorcycle rider and snowboarder where I am the chill at home type and I told him I would never expect him to give these things up as I know they are his passion. And that I could learn to snowboard or hand out at the mountain spa lol Another thing that bugged him is that we work in the same building and he did not want to discuss work and the people at work while at home...

In the end he invited me over to his family for easter....I told him I wasn't sure and he commented something like " I told you we were going to be exclusive so chill" haha...I think he thought I was not sure because of where our relationship was going but it's really because I'm a shy person and his WHOLE family will be there.

Any thoughts?
Reply

silvercity
re above statement... on Apr 09, 2009 @ 01:04 pm

let's move on = call it quits
Reply

spotty
awww, sweet! on Apr 09, 2009 @ 09:18 pm

That's a great story, silver! I really hope this new relationship works out for you guys. Its helps that some time has gone by allowing each of you to mature and better identify what it is you want in a bf/gf. Lots of well wishes!!
Reply

silvercity
... on Apr 10, 2009 @ 05:22 pm

thanks spotty but I wish it were that easy...I had a feeling he would change his tune and this morning I spoke with him on the phone and he kinda said he wasn't sure what he wanted...maybe we should stay friends....anyhooo...we still have to discuss it...but whatever the outcome I need to take care of myself first!! Some words of encouragement will help here :-(
Reply

Anonymous
What's the real meaning of a relationship? I have always believed that dating or being in a relationship is it to be with only one person and nobody else. I mean isn't that normal? Especially when there are so many diseases. I am not expecting to be mo on Jan 30, 2010 @ 07:30 pm

Hi, I am from Mexico, I was raised by both parents, very traditional and old fashion.
I was a virgin when I was 23, got married at 24.
Today, I am 35 years old. I am divorce with 2 children. 2 weeks ago I subscribed at a dating site. I met somebody. He is my first date after 2 years and 1/2 of being separated from my ex-husband. The first date we had such great time that end up having sex in his car.
I totally couldn't believe it but I did.
It has been two weeks after that day, we haven't seen each other because either I am busy or he is. (He has 1 son). He never has been married. He just broke up from another relationship a month ago after being together with this person for 6 months. We have been calling each other and texting every day. Our conversations are long approximately 20 min.
Two days ago he told me he had met other 2 chicks not on-line but work place.
I am devastated. He explained to me that I am amazing and all that stuff.. but he is not sure to be in a relationship. He doesn't know what he wants. He wants to see other people. He tells me to do the same.
I told him I don't expect to get married since I already did and I don't date other people while I am already with him. He keeps saying that he doesn't want to be serious.
My question:
What's the real meaning of a relationship? I have always believed that dating or being in a relationship is it to be with only one person and nobody else. I mean isn't that normal? Especially when there are so many diseases. I am not expecting to be move-in together or getting married but to be "exclusive".
I am so hurt and confused. He is going to call me next week. I feel that I am begging or waiting for a rose like the bachelor.
In Mexico I dated guys without sex but at that time it was normal at least the way I grew up but even if I had sex lets say.. there is no way a person dates other people at the same time because you are a slut or the guy is a completely jerk. Am I being too old fashion and that's the way it is in Canada?
If you please answer my question I will really appreciate it.
Thank you. l.




















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