Lies


Chikita10101
on Apr 12, 2016 @ 12:59 pm

Hi girls,

I wouldn't normally post relationship issues online but I am really stumped at the moment.

This morning, I found out my fiancé of five years lie to me for almost 6 months. He started smoking again and he has been hiding it for that length of time. There has been countless times that I have asked him if he started again and he kept telling me no it was just people around him smoking. He has never lied to me before and I don't understand why he would start. He says he didn't want me upset with him and he didn't know how he could tell me.

I don't know how I should feel about him at the moment. I have been kind of silent all day. I don't know what is worse, him starting smoking or the fact that he lied to me all this time right to my face.

It is like he is a hypocrite. He cannot stand anybody lying to him but yet he does it himself. He is supposed to love me and be honest to me but yet he can lie right to my face whenever I kept asking him. It makes me feel like he is not sorry at that smoking, he is sorry about getting caught.

How would you guys feel about this?
 

18 Replies


atsirk
. on Apr 12, 2016 @ 03:00 pm

Ouch, being lied to is not fun at all... I feel for you, I actually had a boyfriend years ago who lied about the exact same thing. He was smoking for months and hiding it behind my back. He knew I didn't like him smoking so just constantly lied about it. The relationship didn't end up working out because there ended up being a lot more he was lying about also...

I think you two should have a talk and try to understand each other point of view. He should know that his lie hurt you and that in your relationship you need to be able to trust each other. But maybe try to hear what he has to say also. Is there a reason he felt like he couldn't tell you? I think talking to him about it might help if you are both open to listening to each others sides of the story.

Good luck, girl! We're here for you :)
Reply

KrissiC
. on Apr 12, 2016 @ 03:17 pm

I'd be upset about being lied to as well and about him picking up such an unhealthy and expensive habit. I'd sit down s d talk it over with him
Reply

b3ckb3ck
. on Apr 12, 2016 @ 03:27 pm

I would talk to him about it.. I would tell him how you feel and such, try to see each others perspective.
Reply

wonderwhatif
Sounds like on Apr 12, 2016 @ 03:51 pm

You need to have a long talk. It's understandable that he didn't want to 'get into trouble' but like a kid, that's a pretty immature attitude.

Explain how you feel like the trust has been broken especially given the amount of times you asked and how for you, you need to be told the truth even when it's bad.

Be careful not to jump too hard on the blame train and explore your feelings honestly without too much malice.

I hope you guys can talk this out and come to a better understanding.

P.S. It's ok to be angry, just don't lose control of the temper!
Reply

Angelwingsx2
Lies on Apr 12, 2016 @ 08:00 pm

I'm a type of person who doesn't like lies either.I would rather know the truth,no matter how bad instead of lying to me.After saying that,It doesn't really seam like as big a deal to me as you claim it makes to you.What is worse,Smoking or not telling you about it?It is too bad he couldn't tell you because he said he didn't want to upset you.Sounds like you are upset anyway.I would have a little chat and try to find out the real reason he felt he couldn't tell you,it seems to be a little deeper.Good luck with it and remember,communication makes for a more solid relationship.Hopefully you two can work it out,with no more lies.
Reply

Chikita10101
Hi on Apr 12, 2016 @ 09:30 pm

I'm not as upset as I was this morning but I'm still hurt. He has apologized countless times and it still feels sorry he got caught.
I am talking more to him but it's hard not to since we have 2 young kids .
I just don't want him to think it's ok for him to lie because I am talking to him. I don't want him to think I forgive him so easily because I don't
Reply

sjm79
Lies on Apr 13, 2016 @ 07:52 am

Nobody likes being lied to at all.. He was wrong to do so but i also think that if you have given him a really hard time in the past about smoking that he just did not want to go through the same thing all over again. He wanted to save the fight.. I am not in any way defending him but smoking is an addiction and very hard to quit. You need to want to quit on your own and not be told by someone else. Talk to him but just don't tell him what to do...
Reply

Anonymous
lies on Apr 13, 2016 @ 08:05 am

First and foremost, I think couples should always be honest with each other in all things.
Reply

Anonymous
True on Apr 13, 2016 @ 10:28 am

SJM I have given him a hard time in the past I admit. I don't want Him to do it. I always wonder now if when he is leaving the house, he is going to his friends to smoke. All of his friends do it. He says they are not his friends, but he always goes there. I still can't wrap my head around him lying to me. I am not the controlling type, but he is making me feel like I am in some ways. He like to me a few weeks ago about having chest pains but it ended up acid reflux. I don't know why he is starting to lie to me about things. We have been together for five years and all of a sudden I am being lied to. It doesn't make any sense???
Reply

crystaljam
Hmmm... on Apr 13, 2016 @ 12:46 pm

You can be the only one who will know for sure if you can work your way through this or not.

But if you can get through this, then it will only make you stronger!


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